Irma La Douce Page #9

- Oh, he was such a sweet man!

- The old, familiar pattern.

Policeman turns dishonest, becomes

a mac and finally winds up as a murderer.

- It's an open and shut case.

- Well, you'll just have to reopen it.

- Moustache can prove...

- Shh.

My client has nothing more to say.

- Your client?

- I have a law degree from Grenoble.

Used to be one of the leading criminal

attorneys before I was disbarred.

- But that's another story.

- Put the handcuffs on him.

Just a moment. The accused has

a right to confer with his lawyer.

What are you trying to do?

Why not just tell 'em the truth?

- The truth? That's dynamite.

- But I'm innocent.

The jails are full of innocent people

because they told the truth.

You couldn't have killed Lord X

because you were Lord X...

...only you weren't Lord X,

you were a mac.

Only you weren't a mac,

you worked in the market...

...to pay for making love

to your own girl...

...whom you could have made love to

for free, except you were too tired...

...from making the money to give to Lord X

to give to Irma to give to you.

That's the truth. If you tell that mishmash

to a jury, you're a cinch to get 15 years.

- Wha... what am I gonna do?

- Nothing. Just put yourself in my hands.

Gentlemen, my client admits his crime.

- He does?

- I do?

But let us consider the motive.

Why would a mac kill

his girl's best customer?

For 500 francs, when he can get

that twice a week every week?

It would be like killing the goose

that laid the golden egg.

Or because they were

running away together?

Because he was losing his meal ticket?

That's equally ridiculous.

He's the king around here. He could

have had any girl working for him.

That's right.

So we are left with only one

possible motive - jealousy.

He was so in love with Irma, he couldn't

bear to have any other man touch her.

Yes, Inspector, it's the old,

familiar pattern - crime of passion.

Nestor, is that true?

Yes.

You did it because you loved me?

Now you know.

And I'd kill any other man

who came near you.

Gets you right here, doesn't it?

Take him away!

Nestor, I love you, and I'll wait

for you, no matter how long it takes.

You won't have to wait very long.

This is France, a civilised country.

L'amour, toujours l'amour.

When the jury hears my summation -

two people in the gutter,

reaching for the stars -

they'll cry, they'll cheer...

...they'll carry him out of

the courtroom on their shoulders.

Hey, Patou!

Patou!

There's a visitor here to see you.

- Oh, it's you.

- Shh.

You're lucky I can't get my hands on you.

- That's no way to talk to your lawyer.

- You were gonna get me off scot-free.

They were gonna carry me

out on their shoulders.

- Well, you can't win 'em all.

- 15 years at hard labour, for what?

It's too bad you didn't get sentenced to

death. I'd have had it commuted to life...

...and I could have gotten you

paroled by Christmas.

But a 15-year sentence,

that's neither here nor there.

Never mind that,

tell me about Irma. How is she?

She's fine. Here,

I brought you a little souvenir.

Thanks. Why doesn't she

come to see me any more?

- Why haven't I heard from her?

- Well, she doesn't want you to find out.

Find out what? She's not

back on the street again?

Oh, no. That's over with. She's still

working at the fish market as a cashier.

Well, then, what is it? I wanna know.

- She's expecting.

- Who?

Who do you think? She's out to here.

She's going to have a baby.

A baby? Are you sure?

I'd be greatly disappointed

if it were anything else.

- When?

- Any day now.

Listen, Moustache, I gotta get outta here.

I wanna be with her. She needs me.

- Here, I brought you another souvenir.

- More stockings?

And another.

- And another.

- Have you gone mad?

- And one more.

- What am I gonna do with all of these?

If you don't want them, throw them out

the window. But first... tie them together.

What?

You can't park here.

There's something wrong with my motor.

- Nestor!

- Shh.

What are you doing here?

How did you get away?

- Give me your hand.

- Did they let you out?

- Try this on.

- You escaped, didn't you?

- Hold still.

- Darling, why did you do that?

- Now they'll give you another five years.

- I was afraid of that, it's too big.

- What's this?

- We're gonna be married.

- Married?

- You want our child to be legitimate?

- Why, yes, of course.

- How is the baby?

Full of mischief. Yesterday

it kicked Coquette right off my lap.

Takes after me. When I was six months

old, I could change my own diapers.

- Nestor...

- What is it?

- I can't marry you.

- What do you mean, you can't marry me?

- Because I love you.

- You love me, so you can't marry me?

That's right. Because it isn't our baby.

You're not the father.

I'm not?

Who's the father? I'll kill him!

You already did. It was Lord X.

Lord X?

- Well, what... what makes you think?

- A woman always knows these things.

I don't care. I'll marry you anyway.

And I'll raise it

just as if it were my own child.

They've got the place surrounded.

Maybe you could go through

the kitchen window and over the roof.

No, I prefer the closet.

The closet?

That's the first place they'll look.

Open up! Police!

Come on! We know he's in there.

Yah!

All right, where's Nestor?

Don't you know? He's in jail. You can

visit him there every other Sunday.

Cute, huh? Let's search the place.

- He's not in there.

- Not in there.

- Not under here.

- Not under here.

Come here, everybody.

This is the man we're looking for.

- No sign of him.

- No sign of him.

Tell him he'd better give himself up, or

he'll spend the rest of his life behind bars!

Let's go, men.

- What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing.

Let's go, men.

Did you hear what he said?

What are you going to do?

Well, the first thing I have

to do is exchange the ring.

But we can't get married now.

You must run, you must hide.

Nonsense. We'll have a church wedding

with ushers and bridesmaids and flowers.

- Moustache is making the arrangements.

- But they'll catch you, lock you away.

- I'm so afraid I'll never see you again.

- Don't be. Maybe a miracle will happen.

- I don't believe in miracles.

- Don't you?

When I met you, you were a streetwalker.

Now you're gonna be a wife and a mother.

Isn't that a miracle?

They're wasting their time

looking for him at Irma's.

- Don't worry, they'll catch him.

- No, they won't. Too much brains.

He's smarter than the whole police force?

No, but I am. They're up

against the mastermind.

Oh. I'll bet by now you have him

on a boat to South America.

- Guess again.

- To Hong Kong?

He's right here in town.

- You don't say?

- It's ordinary common sense.

You've heard about a criminal always

returning to the scene of the crime?

The police would never think

of looking there.

- You mean he's under the same bridge?

- Yeah, the Pont Royal.

Look, if you open up your mouth

about this to anyone...

Me? Squeal on a colleague? There's such

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