Is Anybody There? Page #5

in general.

Oh, yes. I suppose so, yes.

Come along.

It's half eight, love.

Come on, get up.

I want a talk.

Edward?

Eddie?

On Sunday,

we went to Edward's birthday party.

There was a wizard who cut an old man's

finger off. It were extremely wicked.

An old person and a young person, please.

One eighty.

- That's a lot of ready cash.

- He's my grandad.

- Are you?

- Possibly. There have been many women.

When are we going home, then?

Come on.

I wanna be where my stuff is.

Come 'ere! Oi!

Come 'ere!

That was a cheap bloody trick!

Pull the red thing.

- Too late. We're going.

- Pull the whatchamacallit!

I will if you tell me what it's called.

Well, I know it's red.

What's a divorce like?

- What?

- A divorce.

A bit tricky, I should think.

Come on!

- Is it still there?

- What?

- Is it?

- What's the matter?

Is the...

Is the ground still there?

Look - ground! Sky! Ground!

Ow!

- Oi!

- Concentrate!

Any danger of a cup of tea

and a pork pie?

Did I already ask that?

- Thank you.

- Stay here.

My name...

is Clarence Parkinson.

And England is my nation.

My teacher's name is... Mr Scott.

And Christ is my...

...salvation.

Clarence! Come here!

- That's the same name as my missus.

- I know.

Oh.

No...

Oh... God.

Sod off.

Sod off!

- Sod off...

- Put them down, then. Put them down.

Get it off your... Don't!

Don't. You...

You've spoilt them.

Yeah.

I've spoilt...

all these nice flowers, ain't I?

It's all right.

Know what they're gonna say

on my gravestone?

"Here lies Clarence B Parkinson.

"He was born, he effed it up

"and then he died. "

What's your name?

- Eh?

- Edward.

Edward...

Things aren't exactly

as they ought to be.

Have you any idea what it is?

There's something the matter.

The name on that gravestone

is the same name as my wife.

Leave it.

I'm gonna go call my mum.

Today's the first time we've spent

more than half an hour with each other

without a bloody fogey or shitty arse

or liquidised bloody carrots in the way

for a year. Because our kid's run off

because he hates us so much

because of what we do.

That isn't why. What we do is good.

We didn't go to university, Steve.

You asked me to marry you.

We had a baby.

Do you remember how much...

Do you remember

how hard we tried for him?

Yeah.

That was the journey we decided to make.

And there might be a few less "dates"

and I might end up looking

like my mother, but...

Sorry.

It's not that way, love. Just over here.

- I thought it was outside.

- You come with me. That's it.

You argue with your mates sometimes,

right?

And obviously your mum and me...

sometimes...

I can be a grumpy bum.

It's no fault of yours, love. It's just...

Are you not going to live at home?

I don't know.

Hey, but you must never think, ever,

that you're not absolutely the most

important thing in the world

to your mum and me.

Do you understand?

When's he going to die?

We'll look after him.

Just like we look after everybody.

I'm a little bit bored with you men

and your problems at the moment, Edward.

Sometimes you just have to learn

to let things go.

I know.

Eh?

- There you are. Where have you been?

- Go back to sleep.

- I've been looking for you!

- Oh, God help us.

Another woolly one who can't cope.

Annie...

I'm sorry, pigeon.

That's all I wanted to say.

Just to tell you... that I'm sorry.

I got distracted, love.

If I had my time over again...

If I had it again...

Annie...

I forgive you.

'Marty, I'll be very sad to see you go.

'You've really made a difference

in my life.

'Just knowing I'm going to be around

to see 1985,

'that I'm going to succeed in this

and travel through time!

'It's going to be really hard to wait

30 years to talk to you about this.

'I'm really going to miss you, Marty.

'I'm really gonna miss you. '

Ace one, wasn't it? That one was magic.

- Like the bit with the skateboard?

- I was there, too.

- Oh, no. You sure?

- Yeah. You coming in?

A couple of minutes can't hurt.

- But you did like it, though?

- It was good, Dad!

- Can I have a word?

- Most assuredly.

With him.

'Getting to be spring again.

'It's October.

'The leaves are looking

very nice on the, er...

'... large plants you get in the garden.

'- Trees.

- You're not doing that trick right. '

You've got to give it some patter. Words.

Why don't you...

What do you call a man with a paper bag

on his head? Russell.

Or a licence plate on his head? Reg.

- A man with a car on his head?

- Seatbelt?

Good lad!

- Can I have my fiver now?

- Your what?

- You said you'd give me a fiver.

- What a load of bollocks.

Come in.

- Ready for the off?

- Where to?

Pictures?

Ta-ta for now.

I was wondering whether you wanted

to move back into your old room.

I'm OK where I am.

He was some magician, wasn't he?

Oh, come here.

Oh, yeah? He shoots, he scores!

Come on, then! Pass it!

One out!

Go on, then.

Nice one, old man

Come on!

One out!

Oh, look!

Abracadabra!

Oh...

Where are you going?

Out.

- That's all.

- You never go out.

Well, things are different now,

aren't they?

Why do you have to put make-up on?

Because...

Oh, I don't know.

Makes you feel a bit more human.

You look like a vampire.

Cheers, big ears

You look nice!

Hi.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

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