It Could Happen to You

Once upon a time in New York,

there was a cop named Charlie.

He was a very decent guy,

as was his partner, Bo.

He was a good listener.

He loved kids.

He had patience

and common sense.

He was resourceful.

Okay people, let's go.

Step lively now, come on.

He was just a good cop.

Charlie lived happily in Queens,

where he was born and grew up.

- Yo, Charlie!

- Jesu!

- Kill anybody today?

- Didn't even wound anybody.

- You won't see your wife?

- I mustn't surprise her at work.

Charlie was married to Muriel.

She hated Queens.

If he was a detective,

he'd have decent clothes.

- But he's got to wear the uniform.

- I feel for you. You have ambition.

I never pushed him enough.

If he was on the take,

I'd say, "He has initiative!"

My sister was married to a cop.

It's a no-win situation.

Either they're honest and broke,

or crooks that never come home.

What did she do?

She left him and married an

electrician. That's real money.

I'm running out of patience.

I'm a person who needs money.

And then there's Yvonne, a waitress,

who gets some terrible news.

Miss Biasi, it says here that you

owe $12,000 on your MasterCard.

Those charges were incurred by my

ex-husband, after I threw him out.

The bank is not aware

of your divorce.

We're not divorced yet, but I told

him to tear up the credit cards.

If you're not divorced yet, you're

liable for your husband's debts.

I'm divorced in my heart.

That's what counts.

Legally, that's not what counts.

Do you know how much it costs?

Have you ever been divorced?

Probably not. Probably you've

had good luck your entire life.

Which is the opposite of me.

If the MasterCard is in your name,

it's your responsibility.

Listen, please. I came to New York

five years ago, to be an actress.

I was in "Our Town". I played Emily.

People cried buckets.

- I'm sure they were.

- Will there be anything else?

So I come to New York,

and I meet Eddie.

Talk about the worst luck of all!

He swept me off my feet.

He bought me flowers,

he took me to real restaurants.

With linen, wine and good lighting,

you know?

It was perfect, except he turned out

to be a pathological liar.

I believed every word he said,

because I had faith in people.

So, in short...

What are my options here?

Charlie, Muriel and Yvonne

lived in a city -

- where people pray

for miracles every day.

Like winning

the $64-million lottery.

My name is Angel. This story...

Well, it's pretty much all true.

I had a dream last night. I got

three cherries on a slot machine, -

I had a dream last night. I got

three cherries on a slot machine, -

- but they were the face of

my dead father. It's a sign.

- But you hated your father.

- No matter. A sign is a sign.

- You think I'm nuts, but we'll win.

- I didn't say you were nuts.

I said the odds of winning the

lottery are not overwhelming.

One bedroom in Queens

is not my idea of living.

One bedroom is fine. If we had kids,

it would be another story.

- We can't afford to have kids.

- Of course we can!

Cops have kids!

Firemen have kids...

- That's why we have public schools.

- Just get the ticket!

She's got to get real. You got to

tell her, "I'm out here every day, -

- getting paid, bringing it home."

She's got to listen to you.

- You can't be serious!

- It takes two minutes.

I'm starving, man!

This is police business, step aside.

It'll take two minutes...

This will take forever. And

Burger King's another five blocks.

- It's only across the street.

- What, that place? Oh, no...

- Where the hell were you?

- I told you. A personal matter.

- Then it comes off your pay cheque.

- But I have sick days coming!

You want a sick day, get sick.

If you're healthy, you work.

Get me some coffee.

On your head, sweetie pie.

- That guy sets a nice tone.

- Yeah, like a drill sergeant.

Here we go.

- You want some coffee?

- Please.

- You guys know what you want?

- Cheeseburger and blueberry muffin.

And you, Officer?

You recommend

the lobster thermidor?

That's really funny.

I'm gonna die laughing.

- Especially today. What a treat!

- You've had a bad day?

- Call me when you're ready.

- A meatball sandwich. Really!

Meatball?

You are very brave, Officer.

- She likes you, she really does.

- I was trying to cheer her up.

- Store alarm on Spring Street...

- Well, I'm full!

I'm gonna starve to death.

Your turn to pay.

- Miss, we've got to run.

- After that whole routine?

- When those radios go off...

- Where, where?

Two coffees plus taxes...

Two, even.

Oh, Jeez... I'm short.

- Fine, Officer. No charge.

- No, it's the tip...

- I'll live!

- I can't not leave a tip.

A lottery ticket?

With my luck? Go, get the cat

out of the tree, or whatever...

No, that's the Fire Department.

- Come on, Charlie!

- In a second.

I got an idea.

What's your name?

Yvonne? I'm Charlie Lang,

and we're partners.

If I win, I give you half. If not,

I'll leave a tip. What do you think?

- I'll never see you again.

- You'll see me tomorrow.

- Well, I'll be here.

- You've got a deal.

- All right, five more minutes.

- I ordered Chinese. Come up!

- In a minute.

- Are you whipped?

No, I've got adult responsibilities.

Next batter!

That's it!

I'm out of here.

- Jesu! Vien aqui, la comida.

- I'm coming, Mom!

- Are you whipped, Jesu?

- It's my mother, that's different.

Did you have surgery last night?

You mean these?

No, it's just a prosthetic bra...

Charlie, don't do that next to me!

That's disgusting.

- I'm just soaking my feet.

- Please!

- Since when did this bother you?

- Since now, okay?

You're spilling water everywhere!

I'll call the Red Cross

and tell them we're a disaster area.

I have some larger ones

that I change into after work.

Charlie...

Should I get my b*obs done?

- Done?

- Enlarged. So I could be like that.

Are you nuts?

It seems so extreme.

- Forget it.

- I just don't think you need it.

Look, I had to declare bankruptcy.

When will I be able

to get my MasterCard back?

What are my chances?

- Under 15,000 a year...

- Shall I speak to them? Love to.

I see.

Well, thank you.

That's what I thought.

- What did they say?

- My chances are slim to none.

The lotto jackpot has grown

to over $64 million.

We'll check the winning numbers

when we return.

- You got the numbers wrong!

- Wrong?

- Our anniversary is the 27th.

- We always celebrate on the 26th.

We got the licence on the 26th.

We got married on the 27th.

- So why do we go out on the 26th?

- I don't know, maybe it's custom.

The fact is,

I told you our anniversary.

To anybody with any sense,

that means the day they got married.

I am sorry, darling.

Did he say 26?

Those numbers again are:

6, 12, 16, 26, 64, 84.

We won!

We got the jackpot!

- That's unbelievable!

- We're rich!

- The jackpot?

- We're rich, rich, rich!

- What are we having?

- BLT down with turkey bacon.

- Any Miracle Whip?

- Yes. No matter how broke I am.

You have to have things

that are stable. Permanent.

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