It Could Happen to You Page #2

- Oreos, Smuckers...

- Exactly.

- Thank you.

- Will there be anything else?

Will there be anything else?

There'll never be anything else.

God, I hate this.

I feel bankrupt.

What?

A bowling team

had the same numbers!

- They get nine million!

- Why am I not surprised?

- How many are on the team?

- Average team is twelve guys.

Do each of them get a piece,

or do you consider them as one?

Muriel... your veins,

they're bulging out of your neck.

You look like a psycho.

Oh, my God. The bowlers,

thank God, only count as one.

That's 16 people that picked

these numbers... Oh, God.

That only leaves us with...

Four million.

We could live on that, right?

We could live on less, even.

Let's pray nobody else calls in,

so we don't have to split it again.

What?

What? You're making me nervous.

Honey...

I've got something to tell you.

- A complete stranger? Charlie!

- I owed her a tip.

A tip?

Two million dollars? Come on!

I never thought we'd win, darling.

- But we did win, like I said.

- But not with your numbers.

Don't do that!

Because you know and I know -

- that in my dream,

my dead father came.

In his eyes he had dollar signs.

And a "4" in place of the pupil.

That's ridiculous. He was a nut job,

he prayed to chickens.

He wants us to have

the four million.

If he intended us to have half,

there would have been a "2".

It's not the right thing.

The right thing?

What the hell is that?

You've always done the right thing

for everybody else.

Just once, please,

do the right thing for us.

I gave her my word.

- Honey... Do you love me?

- Of course I love you.

Then stiff her. Stiff her

and smell the flowers. For me.

- What would you do?

- I'd buy the Knicks.

- I mean, about the girl.

- I'd take her to watch me play.

I'd start myself as

a very small, round forward.

So you agree with Muriel?

Giving her half is crazy?

If I can't have the Knicks,

I want season tickets -

- where you sit with Jack Nicholson

and Spike Lee.

- A promise is a promise.

- And a stereo for the whole house.

So you don't have to carry around

that boom box.

I could tell her I just won $5,000.

So... season tickets,

stereo system, Mazda GL6?

- I couldn't just lie like that.

- A boat! I've never been on one.

- Are you listening?

- You'll do the appropriate thing.

- Which is?

- I don't know. That's your field.

Tuna on whole wheat, one scrambled

soft, toast crisp, tea with lemon.

- Everything okay?

- Yeah, thanks.

- You're back.

- I said I'd be back.

- Coffee?

- No, thanks. I just wanted to...

I'm sorry I was so rude yesterday.

But it was the worst day of my life.

Yvonne, wake up!

- You're all dreaming.

- Quit the socialising!

Don't go,

I want to apologise in detail.

Western for Walter. And for Timothy,

oatmeal like Mom used to make.

My mother never made oatmeal.

She never made food in her life.

Bloody Marys, she made.

White Russians...

- But she had a great personality.

- So did lmelda Marcos.

- She produced a nice son, right?

- You're okay.

Eat!

- He's got it, huh?

- Yeah, a couple of years.

He's really starting to go downhill.

In and out of hospital...

What a world! We should appreciate

every moment, not be spiteful.

- I know just what you mean.

- Yvonne!

Speaking of which...

What I have is a bill for $9.53.

What I do not have is the $9.53!

- He went to get his wallet...

- Never let them out the door!

- What is this, a soup kitchen?

- I made a mistake.

You sure did! The $9.53 comes out of

your cheque. Bring me some coffee.

Let me!

Enjoy!

- Now that's coffee!

- So, what'll it be?

- They're right there...

- Amazing, but true.

- We've no cantelope or grapefruit.

- I'm not hungry.

The thing is...

I got something for you.

- For me?

- It's just a trifle.

May I?

It's a string for your glasses,

so they hang around your neck.

So you'll know where they are.

At all times.

This is... the nicest thing

anyone's ever gotten me.

- I certainly hope not.

- It's close.

You sure I can't get you anything?

Coffee?

Decaf, please.

I've reached my target heart rate.

Decaf it is!

- So... You've had bad luck?

- Unbelievable!

When I was eleven,

my dog died of parvo.

I don't know to this day

what parvo is.

I married the wrong man.

I mean the wrong, by a lot, man!

Now I can't afford to get divorced.

I mean, I'm used to my luck...

But yesterday, I went bankrupt

before I came into work.

That's why I was so rude to you.

You went bankrupt?

- Look! From the officer.

- That's sweet, honey.

About our little agreement...

Double the tip, or

half of what I won in the lottery.

- That agreement...

- Let's make it your choice.

Door one, double the tip.

Door two, half my winnings.

My choice? Okay...

Whatever. I'll take door number two.

I'll take half of the lottery.

- You're sure?

- Positive.

- I hoped you'd say that.

- I'll bet! Better luck next time.

Actually, we were pretty lucky.

- Did you win something?

- We won something.

We won something?

What did we win?

Four million dollars.

Why are you doing this?

This sick joke!

- It's not a joke.

- No? What you're saying to me...

You think I'm making this up?

I'm not! We won.

The lottery? The actual New York

State lottery? Four million dollars?

It happened last night.

It would have been more, -

- but a bowling team took

about nine million out of the pot.

And you're telling me that

you'll actually split it with me?

A promise is a promise.

Oh, my God...

- You all right?

- Oh, my God!

Now I know why

all these bad things happened.

It's so stupendously, phenomenally,

unbelievably great!

Because I had such bad luck...

Who wants ice cream?

Who wants pie?

Wait a minute!

I can't accept this, can I?

I can't accept this!

I want to, so desperately, but...

- This neurotic part of me says...

- Accept it!

- How can I?

- I want you to have it.

- With all my heart.

- Yvonne, take it!

Muriel, $2 million is still

an enormous amount.

You should be

committed to an asylum for life.

They should give you a straitjacket

and take you to the loony bin!

Look sweetheart,

you weren't there...

She has customers with Al DS,

and treats them like an angel.

- She's got a boss from hell...

- Why not give her all the money?

- Get off my foot!

- We're doing the right thing.

And the whole city will admire you.

You'll be a celebrity.

Maybe I could get some

commercial endorsements?

Absolutely. "Muriel Lang,

the woman with the heart of gold."

You can endorse shampoos,

conditioners, nail polish...

"Muriel Lang,

the woman with the heart of gold!"

Well, I'd better get

something out of this.

- Bowling for dollars!

- I want my cheque, Harry.

Some of New York's luckiest people

are here in Manhattan -

- to stake their claim in the

state's $64-million lotto jackpot.

- So you promised Miss Biasi half?

- As a tip.

A tip? We got a cop that gave

a waitress a $2-million tip!

We're gonna open our own

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