It Could Happen to You Page #3

bowling alley...

- You insulted him.

- Next time, you talk!

I'd like a little cottage

in the country.

- Excuse me!

- Mrs. Lang, how do you feel?

- I'm Mrs. Lang!

- Mrs. Lang? These are for you.

- What an incredible woman you are.

- You have no idea!

Does it bother you that he split

$4 million with a stranger?

Not at all. In the beauty parlour,

I'm known as:

"Muriel Lang,

the woman with the heart of gold."

And if there are any sponsors

out there, like Denorex...

Which I use, because...

We've got to get the winners

in a group picture.

- Miss Biasi, what will you buy?

- A car? An apartment?

- I haven't thought about it yet.

- A promise is a promise.

"Muriel Lang,

woman with the heart of gold."

Oh, actress... briefly.

It didn't work out.

"Denorex.

Works out each individual dandruff."

- Will you stay on the force?

- I'll buy the force!

- Yvonne?

- So it's "Yvonne" already?

- Is this your biggest tip?

- Definitely!

- Have you ever won before?

- Never!

Big smile, everybody!

She has no taste. That outfit

looked like it came from the 60's.

I thought she looked just fine.

She's not flashy.

She's just a waitress.

Beauty is my business,

defer to my judgement.

My God, it's Bendel's! What a

feeling, to come here with money.

- God bless you.

- Stop giving it away to every bum!

God bless you.

- Now I'm happy.

- I'm glad, sweetheart.

- Now I'm at peace with myself.

- I'm glad, sweetheart.

Just a quick stop at Tiffany's,

and I'll be born again.

Fur's for animals,

not for people!

Excuse me.

This is Eleanor Smith of

MasterCard. You are now eligible, -

- Miss Yvonne Biasi,

for a $20, 000 line of credit.

Please call me at 1-800-555-2000.

- I've died and gone to heaven.

- Hi Yvonne, congratulations.

My name is Paul, and I'd like you

to spank me with a wire brush.

That's disgusting.

- I've got to change my number.

- Hello, please leave a message.

Hello? Sweetheart?

C'est moi!

I'll bet you're there!

I know you're mad about the account.

- But I can explain.

- Stay out of my life, Eddie.

You are there.

Hi, baby!

The only reason you're calling

is the lottery.

What? You won something?

- Die!

- No, baby. I'm serious.

I've been out of town.

The lottery? That's fabulous.

You did good?

I did all right.

Well, that's great, baby. No one

deserves it more. I mean that.

From the bottom of my heart.

- Hello?

- Please, don't ever call me again.

- When are you retiring?

- I'm not retiring! Get off my case.

Where's that sense of humour?

A guy calls at 3 a.m., says

he's holding a gun to his head...

Unless you give him $1,000

he'll pull the trigger.

If he called me at 3 a.m.,

I'd tell him to do it.

- That really happen?

- Last night. This lottery thing...

- You become this other person.

- I feel bad for you, baby.

I'm not bad-mouthing it.

I'm just saying, it's an adjustment.

Sun. How are things

in the mysterious East?

- Very good. Very busy.

- No unjustified price increases?

Good! Two coffees,

one regular, one light.

- How's the wife?

- She has the flu.

On the house.

Thank you.

That's very sweet of you.

Down there, make a right.

Our favourite Korean

is getting robbed right now.

- He said his wife has the flu.

- She'd work if she was dead!

- Then he gives me coffee for free.

- Sh*t! How do we play it?

Stay here, I'll go through the

basement. Call for some back-up.

Faster!

Nobody moves!

A carton of Virginia Slims!

That cop's just sitting out there.

Don't worry about the cop.

What was that?

Come here.

Watch him!

Come on, pal. Move!

- What's back there?

- Nothing.

- What about that door?

- Basement. Just rats.

- Rats?

- Big ones.

I hate rats.

Don't you keep this place clean?

Nobody move!

What's with this cop?

He's got nothing better to do

than write tickets?

With all the crime in this city?

- What do we do?

- Wait, till he leaves.

- What if he doesn't leave?

- He'll leave. Just shut up!

- What's the matter?

- I think it's a heart attack.

- Shut up!

- Call a doctor.

I'm the doctor here, honey!

Get up, Charlie!

You all right?

Get inside,

there's another one inside.

Come on, Charlie, get up.

You all right?

- Why didn't you just shoot him?

- Too many customers.

- You all right, man?

- Yeah... I'm great.

Oh man, you got shot!

He saved lives and prevented

injuries, though not to himself.

And certainly not

to the criminals he stopped.

So I give to Officer Charles Lang

this citation for bravery, -

- and wish him a quick recovery.

Thank you very much.

I guess fate's telling me to

take it easy. Or so says my wife.

I love being a cop,

lottery or no lottery.

I think it's the

most important job in the world.

So I'll be donating $10,000

to the Policemen's Widows' Fund.

Thanks a lot!

You're too young

to be hanging around.

I'm injured.

Don't you read the papers?

- You're a hero? Play with one hand.

- If I could, I would.

- See you.

- Yeah, see you later.

Good afternoon, sir.

- This looks like Beirut!

- Isn't it great?

We'll go co-op next year,

and sell the apartment.

- Mr. Patel told me.

- Hi, I'm your accountant.

- All the best on your new fortune.

- Thank you.

- He says we'll get $100,000 for it.

- Minimum!

And we beat the taxes

if we move to Jersey.

- But I want to stay here.

- And do what? Play stickball?

It's the architect.

Excuse me!

- Where's my chair?

- I gave it to Goodwill.

But I loved that chair!

You could have asked me.

Why should I? You're the one

that loves to give everything away.

Women! Who can live with them?

And without them?

What?

Gray's Antiques

had another break-in.

Two brothers walked off

with a Biedermeyer chest.

Gray says, "How could

black guys know what it's worth?"

He said that?

What did you say?

"They must get the African-American

Antiques Newsletter."

He pissed me off.

- I miss you, man.

- I'm going out of my mind.

My house is a wreck,

and I've got nothing to do...

Well, that's retirement.

- Well! "Yvonne's".

- She bought it a few weeks ago.

- Can I get you anything else?

- Tea, please.

Eight wants tea.

- How's the soup?

- Not enough basil.

You're kidding...

I'll see what I can do.

- Go in. Say hello.

- Forget it, she's busy.

I know you're dying to go in there.

No, I've got to get home.

But I got you something.

Season tickets to the Knicks.

- They're not on the floor...

- Knicks tickets? For me?

- I couldn't get the floor.

- Don't worry, give me some!

- Knicks tickets!

- I'm glad she's doing well.

Why the coat?

It's a warm night.

Maybe I'll get a chill later.

Just hold it.

- There's a lot of people here.

- Isn't it great?

I feel like

we're at the Academy Awards.

I'm going to go circulate.

Here's your lipstick.

I won $55 million, and

increased my net worth 40 percent -

- through well-chosen mutual funds.

- 40 percent?

- At virtually no risk.

S & L funds, Biotech funds...

Gold funds, they were a disaster.

- Stay away from those.

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