It Happened on 5th Avenue Page #9

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through the front door.

We have a hole in the back fence.

Don't come through the front door.

There's a hole in the back fence.

You crawI through the hole and-

How could you say that. baby?

I ain't touched a drop.

That isn't nice. Moitle.

Well. if that's the way you feel.

- She says she ain't got nothing to wear.

- Oh-ho.

Moitle's a great little woman.

We've been married 22 years.

She ain't never laid a fist on me

except in self-defense.

Well. thanks for the invite anyway.

We'll be running along.

They're not doing any harm. are they?

Hello. Brady reporting.

Okay at the O'Connor house.

- Exceptionally okay.

JIM:
Eee-ha!

How about it. everybody?

[ALL SINGING

"FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"

Shh!

Shh! Shh!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. please.

Folks. Do us a favor. will you?

Don't sing so loud.

It leaks through the boards.

Anything you say. gentlemen.

Will you have some cigars?

- Oh. thanks.

- Gee. thanks.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

- May I have one. please?

- Oh. sure.

Thank you.

Well. folks. you can stay for the holidays.

but try and be gone after New Year's.

You know. if O'Connor heard about this.

we'd get fired.

- Heh-heh.

- Well. take care of things. will you?

Oh. boy. are these good.

[PIANO PLAYING]

Jim. what's the matter?

Oh. nothing.

Oh. now. something's wrong.

What is it?

Well. we've lost out.

- That barracks property's been sold.

- Sold?

- Well. who'd they sell it to?

- To Michael J. O'Connor.

Here. read it and weep.

JIM:

Well. boys. that washes us up.

WHITEY:
"Outbidding all competitors.

industrial wizard Michael J. O'Connor...

...has today added Camp Kilson

to his other vast holdings. "

How about that O'Connor?

How do you like that?

HANK:
He wants to buy up everything.

Doesn't leave anything for anyone else.

WHITEY:
He's got about everything now.

HANK:
Yeah.

MARY:

Oh. Mike.

Now. look. Mary. How did I know

they were bidding on that property?

- I'm no mind reader.

- Mm-hm.

- When did you find out?

- Just a couple of days ago.

I only did what I considered right

from a business standpoint.

- After all. I-

- Don't get belligerent.

- I didn't say anything.

- But you're thinking.

- Of course I'm thinking.

- Mm.

I'm thinking what a nice Christmas present

it would be for Trudy and Jim and the rest.

Oh. their idea is harebrained

and nonsensical. It won't make a dime.

Oh. maybe not.

But it'd make an awful lot of people happy.

You never did understand that business

and sentiment don't mix.

Why is it that every-?

Oh. look. Mary. let's not get sidetracked

in a silly financial discussion.

Why should we start off arguing again?

Michael J. O'Connor.

I was wrong.

You haven't changed a bit.

And you never will.

[VOICE BREAKS]

Never.

Jim.

Jim. it's beautiful.

I didn't like the idea of you

in borrowed clothes.

- I hope it fits.

- It will.

Here. let me help you.

Oh. it's lovely.

Cookie. it may not be mink.

but you sure make it look like it.

I really can't take it. Jim.

Why not? It's a gift.

I know. but you shouldn't have done it.

You can't afford it.

Well. it's Christmas.

Hey. hey. What's the matter?

Jim. you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

JIM:

Mike.

Women are funny.

You give them something

to make them happy and they cry about it.

Hmm. You think that's funny? Heh.

Wait till you get to be my age.

What...?

What are you planning

on doing now. Jim?

Nothing. What is there to do?

In the morning. I've gotta get down to the

barracks and tell the gang the deal is off.

I'd rather take a beating than do that.

Mind if I go along with you?

If you like.

I don't see how you can help any.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

JIM:

Wait a minute. fellows. Wait a minute.

Now. I probably like O'Connor

a lot less than any of you...

...but in this case.

he's perfectly within his rights.

He owns half the town.

Why should he grab this property?

We'll buy it from him.

I'm afraid that's impossible.

I know it's a tough break. fellows.

but there's no use beefing about it.

We tried and we failed.

[CHATTERING CONTINUES]

Would you mind standing aside?

I asked you to stand aside. young man.

Say please.

May I ask

what are all you men doing here?

We've been holding a meeting.

FARROW:
Union Square is for that purpose.

Take your soapbox down there.

This is private property.

See that this property is cleared

and no trespassing signs erected.

And those barracks.

Get those people out at once.

They're wives and kids

of some of the men.

Give them a chance.

They have no place to go.

I can't help that.

Now. gentlemen. we want action.

I want all those barracks torn down...

...and construction started

as soon as possible.

Who is that little creep?

Say. maybe it's O'Connor.

Yeah.

Could be.

O'Connor. huh?

Hey. it's O'Connor.

Hey. fellows. it's O'Connor.

[CLAMORING]

Who did that?

I'll have you run off this property.

I'll have you arrested.

MAN:

Well. let's have it.

You know who I am? Who are you?

Police.

Police! Police!

O'CONNOR:

Give me that.

[MAN SINGING IN SPANISH]

[APPLAUSE]

[TABLE THUMPING]

It's got a game leg.

What is this. a pinball machine?

Sugar?

Swell number.

I wonder if the musicians

will know it down in Bolivia?

- You're really going?

- Sure.

Twelve thousand a year is too much dough

to pass up when you haven't got a job...

...or a place to live.

Well. I guess I don't know

the combination.

You must have decided in an awful hurry.

The Army taught us

to do things in a hurry.

Didn't the Army teach you to fight

harder when the going got tough?

Of course.

In the Army you're fighting with guns.

In this fight. the bullets are greenbacks.

And O'Connor has all the ammunition.

Look. Trudy.

I'll only be gone a year or so.

That's a long time.

Well. maybe you better not wait.

Maybe I shouldn't.

If you run short. I'll send you some cash

so you won't have to borrow any clothes.

Don't worry. I'll get plenty of clothes.

From that guy with the champagne?

Listen. you'd better stay away

from that wolf.

At least a wolf doesn't run away

from you like a rabbit.

You guys scram. Check out.

I said check out.

Check out?

Ah. Checkoutsky. Russian.

Oh. Ha. Hey!

[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]

Jim. all that stands between you

and the top of the ladder is-

SINGER [SINGING]:

Ahhhh

You can't climb with an anchor

around your neck.

- So you think I'm an anchor?

- I didn't say that.

You did and you can go straight

to Bolivia and stay there.

Do you hear me? Stay there!

Jim's leaving.

Leaving?

Well. maybe it's all for the best.

Where's he going?

To Bolivia for some company.

Wheeler Construction. that's it.

Oh. darling. if you really love Jim.

you marry him and go with him.

I can't. They only want single men.

Well. that's strange.

Well. in fact. it's ridiculous.

Wheeler Construction.

Single men only.

If I remember correctly.

your father owns that company.

Dad. do you mean to say

that you deliberately planned to-?

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