It Happened on 5th Avenue Page #9

Season #Winter

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in the world for both of you.

Might make something of your lives.

Maybe it's too late.

Oh. it's never too late.

Now. you take Mike here...

...he's a nice enough fellow

but what has he made of his existence?

Absolutely nothing.

Now. Mary is a fine woman

and a fine cook.

Responsibility would be the best thing

for both of you.

And marriage means responsibility.

Whatever you do. don't end up like me.

You know. if I were a younger man.

I might be asking Mary to marry me.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Think it over.

[MUSIC BO X STOPS PLAYING]

Oh. Mary.

what's the matter with both of us?

Why don't we call all this off?

Call what off. Michael?

Mary. listen to me.

I love you very much.

I've always loved you.

There's never been

another woman in my life but you.

No. I mean that.

Why do think I've been hanging around here

submitting to all this?

Because you're here. because I want you.

Because I've been hoping...

I've been hoping that we might...

Mary. I never wanted that divorce.

I never wanted it either.

Oh.

Oh. Michael.

You seem to have changed.

It's almost like old times.

I have changed

and I'm going to change even more.

I promise.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[SINGING "THAT'S WHAT CHRISTMAS

MEANS TO ME"]

[MEN SINGING]

[SINGING]

[SINGING]

[ALL SINGING]

All right. folks. that's enough of that.

[DOG BARKS]

Just as I suspected.

Well. I'll be a monkey's orphan.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. come. sir.

Your family connections

must be better than that.

All right. Santa. saddle up your reindeer

and let's gallop down to headquarters.

Now. one moment. gentlemen.

These people are not doing any harm.

They're not thieves. nor are they vandals.

- Who are you?

- McKeever's the name.

Aloysius T. McKeever.

And I wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

How long you been living here?

Well. I've been here

for the past three winters.

And speaking for my friends here.

They're very nice people...

...ex-servicemen

with their wives and children...

...who are merely. shall we say.

taking advantage of much-needed shelter.

You wouldn't want to arrest them

on Christmas Eve. now. would you?

No.

And this nice couple here...

...is Mary and Mike.

who are soon to be married.

You see. romance has flourished

within our boarded windows.

Oh. Mary. this is the nicest

Christmas present I've ever had.

Thank you. dear.

[VOICE BREAKING]

Mike.

I'm happy. Terribly happy.

Congratulations.

Been married 22 years myself.

- Well. well.

- Twenty-two years? My. that's wonderful.

Yeah. marriage is a great thing.

No family should be without it.

Now. take my wife. a great little woman.

Sits home night after night.

All alone? On Christmas Eve?

All alone and never a beef.

Well. call her up

and ask her to come on over.

- No kidding? You mean it?

- Of course I do.

- How about it. folks?

ALL:
Why sure. go ahead.

Tell her to come on over

and have some fun.

Gee. that's swell of you people.

Moitle would sure like that.

A great little woman.

Hello. Moitle. it's me. Cecil.

Your husband.

Yeah. honey. I'm at a little party.

It's that big gloomy-looking

joint on Fifth Avenue.

The O'Connor place.

Tell her not to come in

through the front door.

We have a hole in the back fence.

Don't come through the front door.

There's a hole in the back fence.

You crawI through the hole and-

How could you say that. baby?

I ain't touched a drop.

That isn't nice. Moitle.

Well. if that's the way you feel.

- She says she ain't got nothing to wear.

- Oh-ho.

Moitle's a great little woman.

We've been married 22 years.

She ain't never laid a fist on me

except in self-defense.

Well. thanks for the invite anyway.

We'll be running along.

They're not doing any harm. are they?

Hello. Brady reporting.

Okay at the O'Connor house.

- Exceptionally okay.

JIM:
Eee-ha!

How about it. everybody?

[ALL SINGING

"FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"

Shh!

Shh! Shh!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. please.

Folks. Do us a favor. will you?

Don't sing so loud.

It leaks through the boards.

Anything you say. gentlemen.

Will you have some cigars?

- Oh. thanks.

- Gee. thanks.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

- May I have one. please?

- Oh. sure.

Thank you.

Well. folks. you can stay for the holidays.

but try and be gone after New Year's.

You know. if O'Connor heard about this.

we'd get fired.

- Heh-heh.

- Well. take care of things. will you?

Oh. boy. are these good.

[PIANO PLAYING]

Jim. what's the matter?

Oh. nothing.

Oh. now. something's wrong.

What is it?

Well. we've lost out.

- That barracks property's been sold.

- Sold?

- Well. who'd they sell it to?

- To Michael J. O'Connor.

Here. read it and weep.

JIM:

Well. boys. that washes us up.

WHITEY:
"Outbidding all competitors.

industrial wizard Michael J. O'Connor...

...has today added Camp Kilson

to his other vast holdings. "

How about that O'Connor?

How do you like that?

HANK:
He wants to buy up everything.

Doesn't leave anything for anyone else.

WHITEY:
He's got about everything now.

HANK:
Yeah.

MARY:

Oh. Mike.

Now. look. Mary. How did I know

they were bidding on that property?

- I'm no mind reader.

- Mm-hm.

- When did you find out?

- Just a couple of days ago.

I only did what I considered right

from a business standpoint.

- After all. I-

- Don't get belligerent.

- I didn't say anything.

- But you're thinking.

- Of course I'm thinking.

- Mm.

I'm thinking what a nice Christmas present

it would be for Trudy and Jim and the rest.

Oh. their idea is harebrained

and nonsensical. It won't make a dime.

Oh. maybe not.

But it'd make an awful lot of people happy.

You never did understand that business

and sentiment don't mix.

Why is it that every-?

Oh. look. Mary. let's not get sidetracked

in a silly financial discussion.

Why should we start off arguing again?

Michael J. O'Connor.

I was wrong.

You haven't changed a bit.

And you never will.

[VOICE BREAKS]

Never.

Jim.

Jim. it's beautiful.

I didn't like the idea of you

in borrowed clothes.

- I hope it fits.

- It will.

Here. let me help you.

Oh. it's lovely.

Cookie. it may not be mink.

but you sure make it look like it.

I really can't take it. Jim.

Why not? It's a gift.

I know. but you shouldn't have done it.

You can't afford it.

Well. it's Christmas.

Hey. hey. What's the matter?

Jim. you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

JIM:

Mike.

Women are funny.

You give them something

to make them happy and they cry about it.

Hmm. You think that's funny? Heh.

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