It Happens Every Spring Page #3

Well, I don't know, Vernon.

It's most unusual right in the midst of a semester,

but if this is really such an

extraordinary scientific contribution,

I don't suppose we should stand in your way.

Um, alright, Vernon. Catch your train.

I'll talk to Forsythe.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Oh, is Debbie still asleep?

Well, I presume so.

Will you tell her I said goodbye,

that she'll hear from me soon?

Thank you, sir.

All Aboard!

[Train chugging]

[Typing]

Morning.

I wanna see Mr. Dolan, please.

He won't see anybody on game days.

Oh, but this is urgent.

I know. Everybody's urgent.

What do you want to see him about?

Well, it's a personal matter.

Well, he doesn't have anything

to do with the concessions.

-Neither do I.

-Good Morning, Mr. Dolan.

Good morning.

Oh, Mr. Dolan!

-Mr. Dolan, I wanna talk to you.

-Not today.

But listen to me, Mr. Dolan.

This could mean a great deal to you.

You heard what I said.

Run along. I'm busy.

Ms. Manglestein-

I'm not asking for any

money or any favors, Mr. Dolan.

I'm trying to do you one.

Then do it. Get out of here.

Mr. Terry wants to know-

Not this morning.

I've gotta go right down to batting practice.

This wire from Denver.

[Phone rings]

Hello.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be right down.

About this pitcher,

Chop Suey or whatever his name is-

Cop Suley.

Cop Suley, yeah well wire them I want him.

Just a minute.

Before you send this wire-

Will you get out of here!

No, I will not.

Ms. Manglestein, send for one of the cops.

I'm a pitcher, Mr. Dolan,

and you need one very badly.

Now, I can win the pennant for you

Oh, that's all I need this morning,

another crackpot.

I am no crackpot, and that's no idle boast.

It's a simple, mathematical fact.

Look, I heard what you said, Mister.

But we don't hire ball players that way.

Now if you'll just-

I realize that, but the

circumstances are rather unusual.

I can win thirty games for you.

Thirty games.

Is that all?

Well, no, thirty is the minimum.

Ah no, you're not very screwy.

Do you know there ain't more than a dozen pitchers

ever won thirty games in a season?

Of course I do,

and I can give you their names if you like.

Never mind.

Look, all I want to do is to show you.

What can you lose?

My lunch is all.

Where is that cop?

Mac, take this guy away.

Yes, sir.

Don't hurt his arm. He thinks he's Walter Johnson.

You know you're very stupid, Mr. Dolan.

With the chance to win the pennant right in your lap.

Get him outta here!

Come on now, pal. You're annoying Mr. Dolan.

You know if you would shout less and think more-

What's all the rumpus, Jimmy?

I got another crank in here, thinks he's a pitcher.

Thinks he can win thirty games.

You, I take it, are Mr. Stone?

Well, I appeal to your intelligence as an executive.

I'm perfectly rational and willing to

prove the truth of anything I may say.

All I want is a chance to demonstrate.

Mac.

-Come on.

-How do these characters get in here?

I walked in, Mr. Stone.

But I'm about to walk out again

without a police escort.

And when I do, the pennant

walks right out the door with me.

Come on, Sonny.

Jim, take your pennant and trot along.

Take a good look at me Mr. Stone.

All the other owners can't be pigheads.

You'll see me later in the season.

Just a minute, young man.

So I'm a pighead, am I?

You walk in off the street

and think you can win thirty games.

I don't think so, Mr. Stone. I know it.

Know it?

I have never met such bland conceit.

I told you. He's a crackpot.

No he's not. He's just a conceited jackass.

Alright, you talk to him. I'm going to batting practice.

Batting practice, eh?

I think we oughta teach this

whipper-snapper here a lesson.

Then take him in your office

and teach him anything you like,

but let me go.

No, not in my office. Down on the field.

Let him pitch to the boys.

OK. It's your ball club.

If you wanna run a kindergarten for crackpots.

Now, young man, you're going to have your wish.

And you're going to get the humiliation

of your arrogant young life.

And I'm coming down to see it.

I was hoping you would.

Come on, nuisance.

Get him a uniform, Jimmy.

Yes, Mr. Stone.

And we'll lay a red plush carpet for him

from the dugout to the pitcher's box.

Oh, just a moment.

There's the question of terms.

-Terms?

-Yes.

Mister, I gotta hand it to you.

Thank you.

Now I want $1,000 a game for every game I win.

Otherwise, not a cent.

And when I win a game, I'm to be paid promptly.

Now I have heard everything.

Of course I realize there's

some rule about minimum salary,

but I'm sure we can fix that up in the contract.

Take him down there right away.

And don't let him pitch to any weak hitters.

Put the top of the batting order up.

I'm really going to enjoy this.

Hurry up, busher.

[Indistinct chatter]

Monk.

What is he, Monk, another Dizzy Dane?

He ain't got a prayer, Jimmy.

Just dizzy, huh?

I thought so.

-Well, don't waste anymore time.

-Okay.

He says, "Come on in."

[sigh]

Let me tell you, kiddo.

This baseball racket ain't so hotsy like you read about.

It's got its crummy side, too.

Dirty trains all the time.

Cheap hotels.

It'd be a change, though.

I'm looking forward to it.

Well, don't.

You might be in for a letdown, see?

Things don't always work out-

You wanna talk to him, Jimmy?

Yeah. . .

Hey, Jimmy!

What about our genius?

Can he throw as far as the plate?

This is your idea.

I'll show ya.

Get in there now and pitch.

If he gets hurt, it's Stone's fault, not mine.

I better catch for him, Jimmy.

Catch what?

They're gonna hit every pitch.

Remember-

put the top of the batting order up.

The top of the batting order!

Roll the cage in, White. I'll catch this guy.

Come on, kid. Let's show 'em whatcha got.

[Whoop]

Must've been an optical illusion.

Lemme see you throw that one again.

[Whoop]

What's this guy got, anyway?

I don't know. He didn't have nothin' before.

Now he's got a hop like Barnum's flea.

This is gettin' monotonous, boys.

Me and the kid is playing catch,

and you guys is fannin' the air.

Okay!

Monk, bring that guy over here.

Well, you sure taught him a lesson, alright.

No, he taught us a lesson, Jimmy.

That's what makes baseball

the greatest game in the world.

Everybody plays it all over the country.

You may find a new star anywhere.

In the swamps of Louisiana,

or the Rockies, or Brooklyn.

Or he may walk right into your office

the way this boy did.

Aw, we haven't got a star here yet.

Not by a long shot.

But the boy is a natural, Jimmy.

He don't look like a pitcher.

He don't throw like a pitcher.

But he strikes them out.

Yeah. He strikes them out in practice.

But the big question is,

can he stand up in big time competition?

Hey you, come here.

Say, what's your name, anyway?

Oh, I hadn't thought of it.

Oh, you hadn't.

Well try hard.

Well, it's Kelly.

Kelly, eh?

Well, that's the first

encouraging thing you've said.

Come on, kid. Let's take care of that flipper.

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