It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Look over my right shoulder.

Good.

Look over my left shoulder.

Very good.

You know, Mr Gromberg,

you're not gonna want to hear this,

but for a man of your age,

less than year after a stroke,

you are in remarkable shape.

My damn ticker - boom, boom,

boom, boom - a mile a minute.

Well, your cardiogram

showed no abnormalities.

Blood pressure high?

Your blood pressure?

Better than mine.

- How about my liver?

- Your liver's holding up perfectly.

- Kidneys?

- Fine.

- What about this?

- What?

What? This?

That's dry skin, Mr Gromberg.

It's not cancer.

Say, "Ah".

So, are you still seeing

your speech therapist?

No. She talks worse than I do.

Well, I hate to tell you this,

Mr Gromberg,

but it looks like

you still have a few good years left.

A few good years?

How do you know?

Do you talk to the man upstairs?

Hey, Gromberg,

what's that supposed to be?

A sensei.

- A what?

- A sensei. A karate sensei.

Oh, yeah? Has your karate guy

ever seen a pair of these before?

Morning. I'd like you to join me

in welcoming back your classmate,

Abigail Staley.

Most of you have known her

since kindergarten.

Is there something you'd care to

share with us, gentlemen?

So, no matter what you've heard

over the last couple of months,

I know that you will be

kind and considerate.

Isn't that right, Mr Cooper? Abby?

What the hell are you looking at?

Yeah,

what the hell are you lookin' at?

Gromberg, I am going to have the

Martine agreement in time, aren't I?

Gromberg, I am going to have the

Martine agreement in time, aren't I?

I am working on it as we speak,

Barney.

- Just checking.

- Sure thing.

A**hole.

Alex? I have your wife on line two.

- What time are Martine getting here?

- Any minute.

Sh*t!

- Yeah, hi, Bec.

- Hi.

I have five minutes between patients.

I just needed a moment of sanity.

So you're calling me?

Am I on speaker phone?

Sorry, I'm up to my ass

with this Martine thing.

Your parents are coming

at 6:
30. Don't be late.

They're bringing Uncle Stephen.

Better get out the body bags.

I'll pick up some matzo on my way

home after the soup kitchen.

- Got a minute?

- Oh, Deb, please!

This is Rosario.

She's the sister-in-law to

Marielena, who cleans my house.

It's very nice to meet you.

If you'll excuse me...

Rosario has a problem.

She lives with her four sons,

her sister, her sister's husband

and their three kids.

They haven't had hot water

for three months.

They just made it

through winter without heat.

Almost made it through.

Her father just passed away

from pneumonia.

I'm sorry about your dad, but l

don't know what you want me to do.

I haven't done public advocacy stuff

in years.

It's what you should be doing.

All right, Rosario. I'll take a look

at this. I'll see what I can do.

No problem.

Is someone coming to pick you up,

Mrs Gromberg?

My grandson.

Let us know

if you need a taxi.

You shouldn't be walking.

I have two grandsons.

Eli's the youngest. He's 11.

He's Pappy's favourite.

Asher's the one who's picking me up.

I didn't want him to bother,

but my son insisted.

Asher's very laid-out.

Laid-back?

Oh. Back?

Oh, right. Laid-back.

Are you among the living today,

Mr Gromberg?

I'm here, man. Ask away.

What do you wanna know?

I asked if you had any thoughts

on Mr Stein's one-act play,

Three Kikes and a Heeb.

I mean,

to tell you the truth, sir,

I was completely blown away

by this piece of material here.

I mean, Stein, man,

that part where the antagonist

antagonises the protagonist?

- That was rock solid, man.

- What is he talking about?

How many pages of Mr Stein's

hard work did you actually read?

That's a good question.

I believe it was

all but the last nineteen, sir.

- Out of twenty?

- Mr Edwards?

Not bad.

- Yes, Ms Maloney?

- I am amazed at you people!

Did no-one but I find the sickening

display of anti-Semitism offensive?

- I did. I certainly did.

- Thank you.

When you have a Jewish character

playing charades

and you devote ten pages to his

attempt to act the word Holocaust,

and make no condemnation

of the Nazis...

- I'm sorry?

- Do you have no sense of decency?

- Have you no sense of humour?

- Humour?

How can I be anti-Semitic?

I was bar mitzvahed!

Sorry about that, guys. It's my

grandmother. I gotta pick her up.

Could you be

any more unappealing?

You are like a zoo monkey

smeared in its own faeces.

Someone should follow you around

with a pooper scooper.

Mr Gromberg, show a little class

on your way out, please.

Watch out, man.

My beautiful ladies. Today

we are running a bit of a special.

Two bags for 90.

Nicky said he got two for 120.

For Nicky, two bags are 120.

But for Katie and Erica,

two bags are 90.

Do you take cheques?

Cash only, sweetie.

- I don't have any cash.

- Sh*t! I gotta get outta here!

But I have to go to an ATM.

Don't worry about it.

I'll get you guys next time.

You see, Dr Gromberg, in the window

was this display of socks.

Beautiful, fun socks.

Every colour imaginable. Cashmere.

Next thing I know, the saleswoman

is wrapping up ten pairs for me.

40 bucks a pair.

That's a lot of money for socks.

Does Noah buy you special gifts?

I can't remember the last time

he came home with anything for me.

Son of a b*tch!

Sir?

Not you.

My ex-partner. Kipling.

He died.

At last!

We're here, sir.

Stephen, your brother is here.

Aye, Captain.

Are you ready to go?

Where are we going?

Pesach. We're going to a Seder.

Passover?

Not yet.

Gefilte fish?

Mama makes good gefilte fish.

Gefilte fish, yes.

But not Mama's.

Zabar's.

My daughter-in-law can't cook.

What are they doing? That's gross!

You don't know what that is?

That's 69.

69's all right,

but it's nothin' like oral sex.

Get off, Shea!

Anybody wet their Pampers today?

No. You?

You're in little Abby Staley's

class, right?

You tell little Abby that she

never finished what she started.

Tell her I've waited too long,

my balls are gonna burst.

- Miss Congeniality.

- Gromberg, are you following me?

Following you?

Why would I be following you?

You just called me a zoo monkey

smeared in my own faeces.

Which I actually thought

was kind of funny.

But, no, I'm on my way uptown

to go pick up my grandmother.

Your grandmother?

That is such bullshit.

No, I am. Sometimes

I pick her up from dialysis.

You are so following me,

and I wish you would stop it.

You know what, Peg? You excite me.

You are so moronic, it is unreal.

- Screw me.

- I don't think so.

No, I gotta go.

But before I do,

let me get your digits.

- Excuse me?

- Your phone number.

You don't get the message?

What do I have to do,

barf on your Nikes?

Just give me your number and

I'll quit hasslin' you.

It's on the class roster,

under "Unavailable".

At least give me some skin.

Excuse me, is Mrs Gromberg here?

You just missed her.

I put her in a taxi ten minutes ago.

Damn!

Was she OK, at least?

Listen, she's old.

It takes a lot out of her.

If you can't be here on time, get

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