It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time Page #2

somebody else who can pick her up.

What kinda sh*t-ass portion is this?

Now serve it up!

What kinda sh*t-ass portion is this?

Now serve it up!

Is everything OK, Suzie?

I explained that we don't give

seconds until everyone's had a turn.

She ain't gave me but a few carrots.

A man needs his vitamin E.

Vitamin A, but you're right,

it keeps the eyes sharp.

We can't serve seconds

till everybody gets firsts.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

You sit down and enjoy your meal,

and I'm gonna make a plate here.

And if you're still hungry,

you come on back here,

and this plate will be sittin'

waitin' for you, right, right here.

Aren't you the little peacemaker

today?

They should give you an award.

They already have. Most dishes

washed, Lake Kiamasha, 1966.

Yeah, but not for how many you do.

It's for how damn good you look

when you do them.

- Wait a minute.

- What?

Don't tell me you haven't felt it.

- Felt what?

- The heat.

Between us. For weeks now.

All the steam. The chafing dishes.

What?

I am so... wet.

- You know I'm married, Suzie.

- Yeah, I do. And so am I.

You are such a troublemaker.

Oh, but you see, I'm kinda worth it.

Oh, sh*t!

I can't do this.

I have evidence to the contrary.

You said if I was still hungry

Come on.

Thank you, no.

It's a little early for me.

What can I do to help?

The dishes. Don't break any.

You're such the happy helper

this evening, aren't you?

It's called survival, honey.

What an attractive neighbourhood.

Let me give you a kiss.

Let me take your coat.

Hi, Uncle Stephen. How are you?

- Hiya, Dad.

- How are you doing?

He's not deaf!

He's just demented.

Where are the boys?

- Where's Asher?

- He should be here any minute.

Move into the living room.

- Can I get you a drink?

- That'd be lovely.

Want the usual?

I'll have, this year, please...

..some real wine!

You don't like the kosher wine

we serve you?

You schlep me all the way down here.

At least give me wine

that I can drink.

Well, that's,

that's a point well taken, Dad.

Get me a tequila while you're at it.

She's jumpin'!

Give me five.

Now, Eli, this is important.

First,

a quick kick in the shins

gets his attention.

Then, using the palm...

Smack in the kisser!

Push his nose right into his brain!

What are you telling him?

Don't worry.

You finish...

..a knee, right in the family jewels.

Please refrain

from filling my son's head

with your blood-and-guts stories.

Every boy should know these things.

Every boy

should not know these things.

Yes, I should.

Not yet.

Was he always like this?

Oh, no, dear.

No, Uncle Stephen

was a great Navy man.

Very brave.

And very dashing in his uniform.

All right, everybody,

let's come to the table.

Where's Asher?

He's probably hanging out

on some street corner. We'll start.

He'll join us when he gets here.

Manners of a caveman.

What? He should be here.

Stephen! Not yet.

We thank you, oh, Lord our God,

King of the universe,

who created the fruit of the vine.

Amen.

Only 1927!

Give me a hard boiled...

This is the bread of our affliction.

And this one is the Afikomen.

I will hide the Afikomen,

and don't you cheat.

"Why is it on all other nights

of the year we eat bread or matzo,

but on this night we eat only matzo?"

- Now what?

- I'm sorry, son.

- You have to take this now?

- It's Barney.

This may be an emergency.

My grandson is reading

the four questions!

- Eli, I'm sorry.

- No, it's OK.

Go ahead. Start again.

We're having dinner now.

Ignores his duties at the firm

for years. Now he has to work?

- Mitchell, not now.

- Wait a minute, what did you say?

- You heard me.

- You're talkin' to me about duty?

I know all about duty.

Duty to my family as well as my work!

- What about me?

- Don't start this.

"Why is it on all other nights

we eat either sitting or reclining,

- but on this night we..."

- Where were you?

At least I've made an effort

to be here!

Read it like you mean it!

- "Why is this night..."

- Hey, everybody.

You got here before Elijah did.

- Hey, little man.

- Good to see you, son.

- Good to see you too, Dad.

- Glad you could make it.

You wanna find out if anybody else

would like the last piece?

Would anybody like

this last piece of brisket?

At least there's somebody else here

who likes the wine.

You're not doing too bad yourself.

Mom, mean brisket.

It's my best work yet, isn't it?

Come on. What is it? Tell me.

Stephen, tell me.

- Is he all right?

- He's having a good time.

- Abby Staley came back today.

- What, honey?

Abby Staley,

she came back to class today.

- Who's she?

- She did?

This little girl, she ran away with

an older boy. She's 12 years old.

This happens at artsy-fartsy school?

Kids run away?

- Did you talk to her?

- No.

- I don't even like her.

- I bet you did.

She thinks she's cool. If she wants

to run away, it's OK with me.

You should be more compassionate.

She's obviously going through

a hard time.

Whatever.

- Do you ever think of running away?

- Sometimes.

I would run away, too,

from such a ferkokta school.

- That's helpful, Mitchell.

- C'mon, Dad, that's enough.

He said it.

Good for you.

Why didn't you pick up

your grandmother?

You promised

you wouldn't say anything.

- It's no big deal.

- I think it's a big deal.

- Asher, we counted on you...

- Do you know how serious it is?

Do you have any idea

what dialysis is?

Yeah, Dad.

Kidney dialysis is the process

of filtering the accumulated

waste products of metabolism

from the blood of a patient

whose kidneys aren't functioning.

Did you guys hear that?

- If it's too much responsibility...

- I don't want you fighting over me.

When I was his age,

I supported a wife and kid.

That's not true, Dad.

I wasn't even born yet!

All of you, let it pass! Let it be!

I had a very interesting experience

after I left dialysis.

- What happened?

- I got in a cab.

And then I went

to my mother's old building.

- You didn't go home after dialysis?

- Why did you do that?

I'm not sure.

I just found myself there.

I think it's a sign.

Honey, what the hell are you

talking about, a sign? What sign?

- Look, Granny, I'm sorry.

- Oh, that's all right, honey.

I'm gonna go drain my dragon.

- Drain his what?

- His dragon, dear.

You can't always run away.

Sooner or later, you'll have to...

Silent but violent!

I surrender!

You win! I surrender!

We'll do it your way.

What?

- I didn't say you can come in here.

- I didn't ask, man.

So, what's your secret, bro?

All this ying-yang stuff

bring the poon-tang?

What's that mean?

You got yourself a lady friend?

- None of your business.

- Pokin' her?

- I'm eleven.

- Who cares, man?

Tell me you've slapped

the old Gromberg lip-lock on her.

Not yet, but I'm gonna.

That's all right, man. Come here.

- How many girls have you macked?

- None.

None?

Now, what's that supposed to be?

It's whatever you think it is.

What does it look like to you?

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