It Takes Two Page #2

...old lady Callaway's ghost crosses

the lake and eats a camper.

Yeah, right. And Santa Claus lives

with the tooth fairy in Oueens.

-You ever been there?

-No.

If it's not haunted.

why don't you go ring the doorbell?

-You think I'm scared?

-Five bucks says you're chicken.

Cough it up, choirboy!

Show me your money.

This I got to see!

They say the first Mrs. Callaway

was a lovely woman...

...but look at this room!

No wonder she's dead!

She had absolutely no taste.

I can't wait to sell this house.

I want one bar set up in here

and two out in the patio.

Well, hello, munchkin!

Daddy!

Honey, what's the matter?

-You all right?

-No!

What?

What happened?

She hates this house!

Let's not be dramatic, darling.

She was hiding in the den.

I simply said that

we might fix it up someday.

That is, if you'll let me.

Who is she?

There's no easy way to say this.

Sweetheart...

...Clarice and l

will be married next month.

You'll finally have a real family.

She's going to be your new mother.

lsn't that wonderful?

She does this sometimes.

-Honey.

-And she gets away with it.

I'm sorry. Roger, but little tantrums

mustn't be rewarded.

Come on, sweetheart.

You're making it worse.

I know what I'm talking about.

All right, people!

Back to work, Shoo!

Let's focus on the engagement party.

Sure hope you're right.

Trust me, I'm a woman.

Look at the time!

I've got to get my face on.

How's about some milk and cookies?

I've lost my mother.

Now I've lost my father.

I have no family!

I'm an orphan, and I'm running away!

And don't you dare tell Daddy!

-We got to hide!

-What if we get caught?

-Don't let her see us!

-Who?

Old lady Callaway!

There's no ghost.

Look at her!

She's nuts!

I won't go back.

I won't!

She's not the boss of me.

Have you seen Alyssa?

I'm under strict orders

not to tell you that she ran away.

Why didn't you stop her?

I thought I'd give her a head start

so she could reclaim a little dignity.

You'll make sure she comes home okay?

Don't worry.

Right away, boss.

Thanks, Vin.

It doesn't look haunted.

That's what they want you to think.

This isn't funny.

Let's get out of here!

Don't worry!

She'll chicken out.

Well...

...if it isn't

the little orphan girl.

Someone's home!

We were just coming after you.

I didn't mean nothing!

It was just a joke.

I was just kidding around!

She didn't even scream.

Let's get you ready

for the big dinner.

Big dinner?

Listen, Lurch, you don't want me.

I'm too skinny!

There are other kids.

Big, fat ones, right outside.

Eat them!

What in the world

are you talking about?

The full moon.

That's tonight, right?

Old lady Callaway's ghost!

It's her!

I guess you think I'm stupid.

No, you're just a little upset.

that's all.

Looks like I just won five bucks.

So when's this party?

Am I invited?

Your dress is upstairs.

Cocktails are at five.

Now if you'll excuse me, please.

A dress?

Me?

You got to be kidding!

Nobody's even looking for me.

There you are!

I have been looking

everywhere for you!

You have?

Of course I have.

Let me ask you a question.

You did not come

all the way up here...

...to sit around

like a bump on a log, did you?

No.

I guess not.

Come on, slugger.

there playing football.

You're missing out on all the fun.

I thought, "Where is she?

What's happened to her?"

-I hear Amanda's quite the jock.

-The kid's a natural. Great speed.

Student body, left. Everybody block

for Amanda. On four. Ready?

W:

Who's Amanda?

Funny.

She's probably

eating her liver right now.

You think one camper's enough?

I mean, what if she's still hungry?

Look!

Hey, I got it!

Run!

You're going the wrong way!

Great speed.

Bad sense of direction.

Do you see what I see?

I don't know what you see.

but what I see is me.

I see me, too.

Does that mean there's two of you?

Or two of me?

There really is two of us!

Don't you find this odd?

No, this is weird.

This is really, really weird.

Wait a sec!

You live at the Callaway house!

You're that girl from camp!

They thought I was you!

Alyssa Callaway.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Amanda, Put her there!

No wonder that penguin guy

asked me in!

That's Vincenzo. He's our butler.

Who's the woman with the long hair?

I liked her.

That's Diane. We're buds.

She's pretty cool for a grownup.

What were you doing over there?

I wanted to see what

it was like to be an orphan.

What?

-Why?

-Because it looked like fun .

Fun? Being an orphan?

What's the matter with you?

So why were you at my house?

I was just....

I was just ringing the doorbell.

What for?

Because kids think

that place is haunted.

That's stupid.

Well, then who's

that scary blond lady?

She's absolutely horrid!

-If I were you, I'd get rid of her.

-Any suggestions?

You're talking to a pro here!

I've driven away more possible parents

than you'll ever meet.

Don't you want a family?

A girl's got to have her standards.

So tell me, this party.

you really don't want to go?

I'd rather eat dirt.

Okay, listen.

You be me, I'll be you.

One night only.

Tomorrow at noon, we switch back.

What do you say?

That's wonderful! That way.

you can scare off Clarice for me.

Don't be such a goody-goody.

I got a reputation to protect.

I scored a touchdown, didn't I?

Okay, just don't talk so good.

Use lousy English like:

Ain't ya never gonna wanna

doncha hafta go to the bathroom?

That sort of thing.

You ain't got nothing to worry about.

I say, you do catch on rather quickly.

Stables, noon.

Miss Kensington says

fashionably late was an hour ago.

What's the problem?

I'm a hairdresser...

...not a zookeeper.

What in the name of God

is going on here?

Hi, Vinnie. I mean, Vincenzo.

I got...

...distracted.

You don't have to apologize.

Really?

Cool!

I mean, it's just that

I'm so terribly relieved that you...

...aren't pissed.

''pissed,'' miss?

Why don't you get dressed, please?

And let Carlo do your hair.

I liked it better when she fainted.

This is really good!

Of course it is, silly.

It's your favorite.

It is?

Yes, of course.

The big, gooey, messy burger.

Also known as a sloppy joe.

Sloppy joe, Right.

Your favorite?

And with dern good reason!

Did you just say ''dern''?

Good evening.

How swell of you to come!

So nice to see you.

Like my dress?

Escargot, Miss Callaway?

Why, thank you, waiter person.

I'm starving.

I mean, I'd adore one!

This tastes like a balloon.

It's snails, miss.

Good.

Nice.

Chewy.

All this money

and these people eat slugs!

Look who's finally decided

to grace us with her presence!

Clarice, right?

You looked better with the mask.

I beg your pardon?

Clarice has been regaling us with

your accomplishments at the academy.

-Might we entice you to play something?

-Of course.

I'd be delighted!

Whatever did you have in mind?

Checkers?

Dodge ball?

No, dear girl.

Muffy was referring to the piano.

Ladies and gentlemen.

may I have your attention, please?

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