Ivan Vasilevich menyaet professiyu (Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Occupation) Page #2

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- I'm a friend of Anton Shpak.

- And what are you doing in his fIat?

What am I doing?

I'm waiting for my friend.

And how did you get into his fIat

if he's not here?

Oh, go to heII!

What kind of questions are those?

Never mind. I've gone through time.

I've made it!

TeII me, can you Iift

any waII Iike that?

A waII?!

Your invention is invaIuabIe.

- CongratuIations.

- Thank you.

Why are you staring at me? There're

no pictures, nor fIowers growing on me.

You're wearing the same imported

suede jacket as Shpak does.

ReaIIy?

Ajacket? A suede jacket?

Is Shpak the onIy one in Moscow

who has a suede jacket?

What is your name?

I'm an artiste of aII big and smaII

academic theatres.

And my name is too famous

to pronounce it.

Do you want to get back to Shpak's

room? I can open the waII for you.

I'd better take a Iook at your

machine.

- I Iike it.

- I'm very gIad!

You're my first witness.

It's my first time

being a witness.

Why are you staring? You're going to

rub a hoIe through me with your eyes.

Do you reaIize

what you have just seen?

You bet! But teII me...

Can you Iift a waII Iike that

in a store?

- My, what a usefuI invention!

- You came to Shapk's with a recorder?

Forget the waII.

The most important thing is that

through waIIs I can pierce space.

I can enter time.

I can go 200, 300 years back!

You have ignored my question

about the tape recorder.

Darn you!

What a machine! A breakthrough in

science and technoIogy! Darn you again!

I can't wait!

Let's go back into the past

and see the ancient Moscow!

What are you saying, Timofeyev?

Before seeing the ancient Moscow,

get a permission from the authorities!

Just a minute!

If you mess again with the academic's

tests and stop technoIogicaI progress...

- I'm going to...

- CaIm down! CaIm down! I got it.

Do it.

- I'm so nervous.

- Don't chicken! I'm here!

...to the heavenIy abode...

...to the Reverend Father Superior,

Kuzma...

Kuzma...

the Tsar and Grand Duke of aII Russia...

Of aII Russia...

is bowing Iow.

Go on writing.

Look!

That's Ivan the TerribIe!

You're kidding!

Mamma mia!

The demons!

The demons!

The demons!

Away!

Stay away!

Woe is me, the sinner!

Woe is me, cursed murderer!

The eviI spirit!

- Wait! Where are you going? Wait!

- Go away, vanish, eviI spirit!

- Who are You caIIing?

- The poIice.

- Put down the phone.

- What? What do you mean?

- The phone! Put down the phone!

- Why? I won't!

Put down the phone, I say!

- Easy! Easy!

- I'II crush you, big hat!

Where are the demons?

Get them!

Wait! Wait!

They've bricked me up!

They've bricked me up, the demons!

That's what the Iife-giving cross

can do!

And where's the tsar?

You shouIdn't drink so much.

Where are they?

Hurry! Move it!

Why are they yeIIing?

They cannot yeII.

They're aII dead.

See how those dead can shoot?

- Open up, dog!

- Whom is he addressing?

- You.

- Me?!

Oh, I feeI so bad!

Bespeak again, aren't you a demon?

I toId you aIready.

I'm not a demon!

Don't dare Iying to me!

You're Iying to a tsar!

Not by human wish, but by God's wiII,

am I the tsar!

Very weII!

I see that you're a tsar...

AIas, aIas, I'm the tsar

Ivan VassiIyevich!

Send me back, magician!

I cannot! You see,

because of this poIe-axe!

Thank you!

The transistors have burned,

so I cannot send you back

untiI I buy the new ones.

- Buy them, then.

- The stores are cIosed for Iunch.

Oh, woe is me!

- Take it easy, Ivan VassiIyevich!

- Oh, woe is me!

- do You drink vodka?

- Yes, the anise one!

Good.

UnfortunateIy, there's no anise vodka.

I say, there's no anise vodka,

onIy StoIichnaya!

Drink it!

- Taste it from My cup.

- Why?

Go on, taste it...

You think I want to poison you?

We don't do that any more,

and in our day, you'd sooner get

poisoned with canned food, than vodka.

Don't be afraid, drink up!

- Let you be heaIthy, Boyar!

- Your heaIth!

- Was it your housekeeper Who made it?

- Let's suppose so. Eat something!

- Who made this machine? You?

- Yes.

I had a man Iike you.

He made wings.

- WeII?

- What do you mean, weII?

I put him on a gun-powder barreI.

It made him fIy! Ha-ha!

Why did you do it?

No, no. I don't drink. I don't drink,

Ivan VassiIyevich. Thank you.

- Don't you have any respect for me?

- For God's sake, Ivan VassiIyevich!

- Then drink.

- Just a IittIe. Enough! Enough!

- WeII, be heaIthy!

- Your heaIth!

So, you Iive here?

- WeII, very cramped quarters.

- Sure, it's not Iike tsar's chambers.

- Yes, that's right.

- Anyway, it's an individuaI fIat.

And your woman,

is she at church?

My woman eIoped today with

her Iover, Yakin, to the Caucasus.

You are kidding?!

Did you send men to catch them?

When they catch them, first thing

have Yakin impaIed, and then...

Why?

They're in Iove with each other.

I wish them every happiness.

How kind you are!

Oh, God! What's going on?

I sit here, whiIe the Swedes

are taking Kem there.

Send me back, Boyar.

Go and buy those transistors.

Just a minute.

I'm busy.

CaII me Iater.

- I'm going with you.

- Right onto the street?

No, Ivan VassiIyevich,

wait for me here.

Hurry up, though, Boyar!

I'm in a hurry myseIf.

I must rescue those two, as weII.

What's going to happen to them?

- They'II be beheaded, that's aII.

- That's aII?

To heII with them!

Take the demons aIive!

Wait!

Eureka!

The tsar's garb!

Put them on.

You'II be the tsar!

No way!

Put them on, or I'II kiII you!

TaIk to me, my dear guitar,

My friend of seven strings.

AII my heart is open ajar,

And the night with moonIight sings.

WeII, once,

then another time,

And again many, many, many times.

Yes, once and again, and again

many, many times.

BIue cornfIowers in the fieId,

A Iong path Iies ahead.

My heart is torn between the guiIt

And the stars unread.

WeII, once, then another time,

And again many, many, many times.

Yes, once and again, and again

many, many times.

- WeII, how do I Iook?

- Not Iike him! You're a fake!

Let me tie up your teeth at Ieast.

You're a pain in the neck!

- the other tsar Iooks smarter.

- Don't get personaI, pIease!

Sit down!

Occupy yourseIf with matters of state.

Take the stick.

- Go ahead, dictate.

- Dictate what?

The tsar, repeat it,

of aII Russia...

The tsar, repeat it,

of aII Russia...

Don't repeat ''repeat it''!

Quiet!

So you say:

''The tsar and Grand Duke...''

I wrote it, comma.

Where the heII

is our secretary?

What's up, comrades?

I'm asking you,

what's up?

Who's that parasite who dared to

break the door in the tsar's quarters?

Did they put it here

for you to break it?

Go on, Your Majesty!

''...is bowing Iow...'', semicoIon.

I'm waiting for the answer

to my question!

The tsar! The tsar's here!

He's here!

The tsar's here!

Sit!

Where eIse can he be?

The tsar's in his pIace!

Have mercy, don't put me to death,

our kind sire!

The demons grabbed you,

we chased them aII over the paIace!

And, suddenIy, the demons vanished!

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