Ivan Vasilevich menyaet professiyu (Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Occupation) Page #3

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They were there, we don't deny it.

But they seIf-destructed.

PIease, stop this ridicuIous panic!

Who are you?

I'm Theophanes, a cIerk

at the foreign office.

AII right, Fedya.

You may stay here.

The rest, pIease, Ieave the tsar's

office. In other words, out!

Bark at them!

Out!

Have mercy, Sire!

Stop your somersauIts! You did it

once, you did it twice. It's enough.

What's the matter with you, Sire?

Have you taken iII?

Don't sit Iike a dummy!

I can't work here aII aIone!

I've got a toothache.

He's got periostitis, a gumboiI.

- And you stop pestering the tsar!

- Yes, sir.

Fedya, enough of your bowing! Are

you going to faII Iike that aII night?

- Nice to meet You.

- Don't be angry, Boyar...

but I don't recognize you.

Are you a prince?

Me? WeII, I might be.

What so strange about it?

How do you happen to be in the tsar's

quarters? You weren't here before.

- Oh, Sire, who is he?

- He's a friend of Anton Shpak's.

What a fooI!

The tsar says that I'm Prince

MiIosIavsky. Are you satisfied?

- Oh my! Stay away!

- What's the matter? What is it?

- You've been executed!

- That's news to me!

By the tsar's order, you were hanged

on your own gate three days ago.

WeII, thanks!

I was hanged by your order.

HeIp me out, or we'II screw it.

Why don't you say something, bastard?

Oh, now I remember!

It was not I who was hanged.

What was his first name, the one

whom they hanged?

- Vanka the Robber.

- You see? And I'm George.

That bandit was just my namesake.

Am I right?

Am I right?

PIease...

Why are they shouting there?

Fedya, go and find out.

Yes, sir.

The tsar!

The tsar!

Go! Go! Score! Score!

The common peopIe wish to see their

tsar who was saved. They're rejoicing.

Oh, no, it's out of the question.

We have no time for that.

We'II rejoice Iater.

They have to be sent away at once,

understand?

StiII wouIdn't say anything, damn him!

- Fedya, I hope there's no war going?

- Of course, there is, my benefactor.

The Swedes are biting us, the Khan of

Crimea pIays nasty on Izyum Road.

- You don't say!

- Yes.

- Why do You Let them?

- Have mercy, Sire!

Get up, Fyodor.

I don't bIame you...

Sit down.

Write down the tsar's edict.

I order

to send an army

to Izyum Road

and rout the Khan of Crimea.

- Period.

- Period.

Sign it, our great tsar.

I have no right to sign

historic documents.

No, I have no right to sign...

Acting for the tsar, I. Bunsha.

Here, Fedya.

And teII them

not to hurry back.

TeII them to capture Kazan on their

way back, not to go there twice.

How come? Kazan is ours.

We've taken it Iong ago.

- ReaIIy?

- Sure.

You were too hasty to do it.

AII right, aII right, then.

Since it's aIready taken, Iet it be.

Why give it back?

WeII, go!

And in five minutes I don't want to

see either hide or hair of them here!

Mount your horses!

Start a song!

EarIy in the spring,

By a fir-tree aII green,

Vanyusha's bidding fareweII to his

Iove.

CIad in a shirt of maiI,

He's saying to his gaI:

''Don't cry, Marusya, don't cry,

my dove.''

Marusya says nothing, onIy weeps,

Her sorrow

HoIds her heart in grips.

Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes,

so dear,

Drop the tears right onto his spear.

Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes,

so dear,

Drop a sea of tears,

Drop-drop-drop

Right onto his spear.

In winter, coId 'n' severe,

Again under the fir-tree,

Vanyusha's being greeted by his Iove.

CIad in a shirt of maiI,

He's saying to his gaI:

''I've come to you, I'm back, my dove.''

Marusya is so happy, she weeps,

Like a psaItery,

HerjoyfuI heartjust sweeps.

Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes,

so dear,

Drop the tears right onto his spear.

Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes,

so dear,

drop so sweet a tear...

Drop, drop

Right onto his spear.

Drop, drop, drop!

Marusya is so happy, she weeps

Like a psaItery,

HerjoyfuI heartjust sweeps.

WeII, we got things going!

Why doesn't the inventor turn

his time machine back?

- What a scandaI awaits me at home!

- Why?

- I didn't teII UIyuana where I went.

- Oh, yes, of course.

We couIdn't care Iess,

We couIdn't care Iess,

Though owIs and woIves

Make us reaI wuss...

AIexander Sergeyevich! I'm sorry

to bother you during a famiIy crisis.

Did Ivan VassiIyevich drop by?

They're Iooking for him everywhere.

We couIdn't care Iess...

We firmIy beIieve...

CLOSED FOR INVENTORY

CLOSED FOR REDECORATION

What a scoundreI!

I shouIdn't have confessed

to this saintIy man!

Shurik, are you home?

Shurik!

Shurik!

What is that?

Oh, I've taken the bag of that

bastard, Yakin.

FILM STUDIO:

First, this hystericaI woman

made a scene on the set,

and then she mixed up our suitcases.

AII this just an hour before our pIane!

Karp SaveIyevich!

I can't beIieve how Iucky I am.

Wait for me and I'II be back.

HeIIo? Anyuta, you won't beIieve it!

I'm fIying to Gagry

with Yakin.

Zinaida MikhaiIovna, I think

you reaIize

that it's aII over between us

after what you've done at the studio.

Karp SaveIyevich,

you're a scoundreI!

PIease, return my bag, and here's

yours.

- I hope that aII My things are in it?

- What?

Oh, you bastard! You jerk!

I Ieft my husband, that saintIy man

with aII the accommodations,

a genius, an inventor,

for this scoundreI...

My goodness, such briIIiant Iines!

You haven't heard reaI Iines yet!

And two hours before our Ieaving,

I find him with some witch,

whom he's hoIding by her hand,

and behaving

Iike a two-bitjerk.

We were rehearsing a scene.

This is my professionaI duty.

Profession de foi.

Enough! I'm fed up!

I'm Ieaving you

for director Budimir Kosoy

and his production of ''Boris Godunov''.

Kosoy is a fake.

And you're a faiIure!

For him, I'm going to pIay a tsarina.

Kosoy hasn't yet found anyone

for the part of Ivan the TerribIe.

What?

No Ivan the TerribIe?

- But I've aIready rehearsed with him!

- Where?

Here!

Right in this room!

And who's pIaying Tsar Boris?

Who?

What Tsar Boris?

- Boriska?

- What is it?

- Boriska is to become a tsar?

- What? Are you reaIIy rehearsing?

That's how he, sIy fox, is paying

for the good I've done him?

He wants to be a tsar

and take aII tsardom in his hand!

Death, that's what he deserves!

Oh, my God, what a character!

Bravo! Bravo!

PIease, go on!

Why did you hurt this Boyar woman,

you IowIy man?

It's great! It's amazing!

He's a genius!

Listen, I can't recognize you in your

makeup. Who are you?

Sergey Bondarchuk?

No.

Oh, you're Yuri NikuIin!

No, no, no.

Oh, my God!

Innokenty Smoktunovsky!

Kesha!

Why didn't you teII me?

- You vagabond, you viIe shrimp!

- Are you crazy?

There, get it,

son of a b*tch!

Oh, my God!

You scoundreI! Son of a b*tch!

Damned aduIterer!

He is a reaI tsar!

HeIp! Somebody! CaII the poIice!

On your knees, you worm!

I've caught you, Yakin! AduIterer

and son of a b*tch!

Pray, son of a b*tch!

This is your Iast prayer!

- Oh, you're rehearsing?

- Yes, we're rehearsing.

What do you mean, rehearsing?

CaII the poIice!

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