Ivan Vasilevich menyaet professiyu (Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Occupation) Page #4

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- Where are You going?

- I'm here. I'm here.

You act very weII!

And the tsar Iooks very authentic...

He Iooks just Iike Bunsha.

I've been robbed, Zinaida MikhaiIovna.

I'm waiting for the poIice with dogs.

Who do you beIong to?

Excuse me, comrade actor,

but what do you mean, ''beIong''?

- Whose serf are You?

- Sorry, but I don't understand you.

A very stupid serf!

Excuse me, but why do you keep

caIIing me a serf?

- Where Did You get that word?

- It's from the part he's pIaying.

That part is denigrating!

PIease, don't appIy it to me!

Oh, God! Some apartment house!

They rob you, they caII you names!

We'II never win the honorary titIe of

a house of cuItured communaI Iiving.

This is an outrage! An outrage!

WeII, Iascivious shrimp, beg the Boyar

woman if she giveth you Iife or death!

- Life.

- Life. Life.

Be mercifuI, O great tsar!

Life?

Be it your way.

Listen to me, Karp,

but, pIease, don't get excited.

This is the reaI Ivan the TerribIe!

Do you remember I was teIIing you

about the time machine?

WeII, Shurik did succeed with

that experiment!

- But he couId have kiIIed me!

- And wouId have done good!

It's crazy!

What do you mean, Ivan the TerribIe?

He's been Iong dead!

- Who's dead?

- I didn't mean you.

I mean the other one,

the one who's been dead...

- Did You seduce the Boyar woman?

- Yes, I did.

I am he... that Iiveth...

What do you mean, you Iiveth,

viIe dog? Look at yourseIf!

Liveth!

- HeIp me. Say something in SIavonic.

- Thy!

Thy... thy cherub.

Your ExceIIency, have mercy!

You have misunderstood me.

How can I understand you,

if you don't say anything?

I don't know foreign Ianguages,

your highness.

- do You Iove this Boyar woman?

- I'm crazy about her!

Look at her! Beauteous to behoId,

crimson in her Iips, crescents in her

brows!

- What more do you want, dog?

- Nothing!

Then marry her, fooI!

The prince is Ietting her go.

I'm asking for your hand,

Zinaida MikhaiIovna!

HeIIo? GaIya? You're going to faII

down! I've got great news!

Yakin has Ieft his witch,

and we're going to Gagry.

WeII, you sinning beard! ShouId I

hear that you've done something...

- I swear!

- Don't interrupt the tsar!

- Yes, Sire!

- I'm giving you one of my coats.

- Thank him! Thank him!

- Thou art... I thank thee humbIy!

Sire!

You can't stay here

Iooking Iike this!

PeopIe might think I don't know what.

Oh, God AImighty!

I forgot where I am, O Lord!

I've forgotten everything!

You must change your cIothes,

Ivan VassiIyevich!

Oh, the demons' garb!

A temptation...

My mind is aII confused.

The coat, the Tsar Ivan the TerribIe...

Stop being so fidgety! WeII, it is

Ivan the TerribIe. So what? Big deaI!

You had better go

and heIp the tsar change.

Yes, ma'am.

HeIIo? Vava?

You'II never beIieve it!

Oh, my God!

He Iooks so much Iike our Bunsha!

- Pah!

- It Iooks very good on you.

- Dear Tsar, we must go.

- Perchance... we shaIt...

We have a pIane to catch.

Godspeed!

May we thank you for everything?

You're a very spirited man!

HeIIo? Shurochka?

Can you imagine? Yakin

feII for me Iike a siIIy boy.

He proposed, and we're Ieaving

for our honeymoon. Many kisses.

Go!

Oh, how beautifuI it is!

Beauteous!

Beauteous!

Cigarette break!

- The Swedish Ambassador!

- What's up, Fedya?

The Swedish ambassador

asks for an audience.

Bring the ambassador in.

Knit your brows! Knit your brows!

Der grosse Konig,

Des Schwedischen Konigreichs sende

mich,

seinen treuen Diener,

zu Ihnen, Czar and Grande Duc

Ivan VassiIyevich...

usarussa.

- This foreign tourist speaks weII!

- What exactIy does he say?

I'II be damned if I know.

Fedya!

- We need an interpreter.

- We had one. He was German.

He got drunk as a Iord

when he had to transIate.

- So We cooked him in boiIed water.

- It's not the way to treat interpreters.

Schwedete armie erobern hut.

Answer something.

See, the man goes out of his way.

HitIer kaput!

Go on, Mister Ambassador.

We absoIuteIy agree with you.

- Kemska district.

- Right. AbsoIuteIy.

AbsoIuteIy.

Look, comrade.

Excuse us for a minute.

I wouId Iike to know

what he wants, in generaI terms.

It's very simpIe.

They want Kemsk Region. They went to

war, so, they say, give it to us.

What? Kemsk Region?

Ja, Kemska rejion. Ja, ja...

Take it if you want it! Oh, God!

I thought it was something important.

- But you can't do it, benefactor.

- The tsar knows what he's doing.

Our state won't be any poorer for it.

Take it! Take it!

Have mercy, our great tsar,

and aIIow me to speak.

What are you doing, son of a b*tch?

Some impostor squandering our Iands!

We shaII never have enough regions

for you!

So whadda I say my king?

Say your king

my warm greetings.

Whadda about Kemsk region?

Such questions, my dear ambassador,

are not decided at the drop of a hat.

We have to consuIt with comrades.

Come back in a few days.

Yes, by the way, here's a IittIe

souvenir for you from me.

Here!

WeII, auf Wiedersehen!

Goodbye! Au revoir! In short, ciao!

Everyone can go!

The guards can go, too.

The guards can go.

Why are you crawIing, oId chap?

The ambassador has Iost his chest

decoration.

He shouIdn't be so absent-minded. One

shouId watch his things when in a room.

Why are you staring at me?

- do You think I took it?

- No, of course not!

You didn't take it, did you?

Maybe it has sIid under the throne?

No.

WeII, then nothing can be done.

What a misfortune!

I am again tormented by some

troubIing doubts.

Shpak's tape recorder,

the ambassador's medaI...

What are you driving at?

I'm asking you, you tsar's mug,

what are you hinting at?

The Tartar Prince Yedigey is here

to see the tsar.

No.

That's too much.

CaIIing hours are over.

We have a Iunch break.

The tsar wishes to refect.

- I must be dreaming!

- Just a minute.

- Who's going to pay for this banquet?

- In any case, not us.

Fedya, what is in there?

Hare's kidneys,

pike heads with garIic.

BIack caviar.

Red caviar.

And from overseas...

EggpIant caviar!

BeautifuI!

- WeII, tsar, Iet's drink.

- Let's drink.

Beauteous!

I Iook for him aII over the house, and

here's he, in someone eIse's fIat.

Why don't you Iook me in the eye?

Ivan VassiIyevich,

I've been burgIarized!

Everything I've got by working

tireIessIy, everything is gone!

Oh, Iook at you!

You're bIind drunk!

You don't Iook Iike yourseIf!

What on earth did you put on yourseIf?

- Imported tape recorder, suede jacket...

- He's drunk!

There's nothing Ieft!

He can't stand on his feet!

Where are you going?

Oh, God! What's going on?

Go home now, aIcohoIic!

Leave me aIone, oId woman,

I'm being sad.

OId woman? You jerk!

I'm five years younger than you!

Let's go home, now!

You are a witch!

HeIp!

Ivan VassiIyevich, caIm down.

- Witch!

- To be absoIuteIy honest, yes.

- And What do You want?

- Dear Ivan VassiIyevich,

that's the Iist of stoIen things.

Two tape recorders, two movie cameras,

two cigarette cases. PIease!

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