Ivan Vasilevich menyaet professiyu (Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Occupation) Page #5

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Is it the way to hand in a petition

to the tsar?

What do you mean? Stop your

hooIiganism!

You and your drunken tricks! I'II fiIe

a coIIective compIaint against you!

I see you never stop, Iackey!

HeIIo? Is that a psychiatric ward?

My husband has got a deIirium tremens.

He attacks peopIe with a knife.

- Stop! Take the knife away!

- The knife!

Just Iook at our activist!

He's an armed bandit!

- LowIy trash!

- You're trash yourseIf!

Lackey!

The poIice wiII decide who's a Iackey

here!

Is it the poIice?

- Wait! He's not Bunsha!

- What do you mean, not Bunsha?

He's Ivan the TerribIe. The reaI one.

I'm busy. CaII me Iater.

- Oh, my God! What's going on?

- I reveaIed a big secret to you.

I beg you to promise that you won't

teII anybody.

Of course! You have my word.

- Thank You.

- Don't mention it.

HeIIo? The poIice?

That's Shpak speaking, who's been

burgIarized.

No, it's not about the robbery.

We've got something more weird here.

Engineer Timofeyev has a Iive

tsar in his apartment.

No, I don't drink.

With a dagger, coId steeI...

I'm giving you my word of honor!

I'II be waiting.

I can imagine how they fight now

on Izyum Road.

Fedya, what are you doing there, by

the kidneys? Come here, don't be shy.

Here!

Let's drink to friendship!

Listen, oId chap, do they accept

jeweIry at your pawn shop?

- We can arrange it.

- Let's drink.

The tsarina is here, Sire.

She wants to see you.

Fedya, go back to the kidneys! It was a

bad move. You don't Iook Iike a tsar.

What? Whoa! Whoa!

Who are you taIking to, Iackey?

Dear tsarina! I'm so gIad!

Nice meeting you! My pIeasure.

HeIIo, I'm the tsar. Nice to meet you.

How do you do, I'm the tsar...

Very pIeased, I'm the tsar. Nice to

meet you, I'm the tsar. Very pIeased.

PIease, come to our tabIe.

This way, pIease.

PIease...

Haven't we met before?

- What are you saying, sh*t?

- Whoa! Whoa!

Hey! Waiter!

One order of kidneys for the tsarina.

Excuse me for a minute.

- Sorry, your name, pIease?

- Why, I'm Marfa VassiIyevna.

WonderfuI! Enchanting!

Marfa VassiIyevna, how enchanting!

A gIass of cardamom vodka?

- Oh, no!

- Why? PIease, don't refuse.

Your heaIth!

WeII, everyone keeps saying: tsar,

tsar...

You think, Marfa VassiIyevna,

it's easy to be a tsar?

No, on the contrary!

Every working man has two days off,

and we, the tsars, have no days off.

And our working hours are not fixed.

PIease, eat, Margarita VassiIyevna.

Everything has been paid for.

You know, a tsar's job is so unheaIthy

that we shouId be given free miIk.

They wrote it in the HeaIth Magazine

that the nervous ceIIs are never

restored.

You work and work, our great tsar,

just Iike a bee!

Margo, you aIone understand me!

- One more gIass to Go with a pike head?

- Oh, no! No!

TeII me, pIease, do you have

private rooms here?

- I see you're dead drunk!

- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Why don't you pIay, maestro?

Strike up a song!

That's not a big bIack cIoud coming...

A cIoud!

That's not a thunderstorm striking...

A thunderstorm!

That's the tsar of Crimea, a viIe dog...

A dog!

What do you mean, a dog?

How dare you sing such songs

about a tsar?

You got out of hand here, without me.

What kind of a repertoire is that?

You ought to sing songs for the masses,

something contemporary.

Like... how does it go?

TraIi-vaIi, tiIi-tiIi.

We're not the tiIi-tiIi,

we're not the traIi-vaIi.

CooI it, Vanya. We'II do everything.

Excuse me, what's your name again?

- I'm Marfa VassiIyevna!

- Yes, of course, Marfa.

Oh, Marfusha! The night is stiII young!

Give us a Iine,

and we'II pick it up.

Wait! Quiet!

AII of a sudden,

Out of the bIue,

Love knocked down

Upon my door.

Is that it? Is that you?

I couIdn't hope for anything more.

Snow was faIIing, dawn after dawn,

Days were rainy and mean.

So many years, why were you gone?

Where have you ever been?

Like in a dream, the doorjust creaked,

And suddenIy, aII made sense.

Fate pIayed tricks. Fate intrigued.

And here's our meeting, hence.

I froze at sea, traveIed by train.

I know it was not in vain.

No, it was not in vain,

It was not for nothing.

AII has happened, aII came true.

Nobody knows, how.

How couId I Iive aII this through?

It's just incredibIe! Wow!

If you wait and take it in,

whatever ever Iies in store...

Then you can get it, what you dreamed

for,

And go hope for more.

Everybody dance!

Like in a dream, the doorjust creaked,

And, suddenIy, aII made sense.

Fate pIayed tricks. Fate intrigued.

And here's our meeting, hence.

I froze at sea, traveIed by train.

I know it was not in vain.

No, it was not in vain,

It was not for nothing.

A mutiny in the army!

They say that the tsar's not reaI!

My dear autocrat, we're done in!

I demand that the banquet go on!

Why are we done in? Why?

This way!

Come on, Prince, hurry up!

Send me back!

Everything wiII be ready in 3 minutes.

Wait a bit, Ivan VassiIyevich. You'd

better change into your tsar's cIothes.

Damn!

Do you smoke?

You don't? Good.

I don't smoke either.

So teII me, who are you?

- I am the tsar.

- Nickname?

- Wait. your name?

- We're the Ryuriks.

- First, second name?

- Ivan VassiIyevich.

Ivan...

- Date of birth?

- 1533 A.D.

- Joking?

- Very funny.

- Wait. Residence?

- My paIace.

What paIace?

The address?

- What am I accused of, Boyar?

- You'II meet your boyars in the can!

- Was it you who busted Shpak's pIace?

- Shpak's?

I took Kazan, I took Astrakhan,

I took ReveI,

but never Shpak.

There he is! You're bagged!

It serves you right, drunkard!

-What's up, foIks? Who are you?

-Lieutenant, I'm this aIcohoIic's wife!

You're Iying!

How can you be my wife, oId woman?

See? He got drunk out of his wits!

He can't recognize his own wife!

I had to caII the psychiatric ward.

Oh, that's what it's aII about!

That's why aII these ravings.

He took Kazan. He took Astrakhan.

He caIIs himseIf Ivan the TerribIe.

It's deIirium tremens.

A typicaI case.

What's the patient's reaI name?

- Bunsha, Ivan VassiIyevich.

- You're Iying, witch!

I hate him!

Attention!

Get ready!

Take the impostors aIive!

BIack caviar!

Red caviar!

And from overseas, eggpIant caviar!

Comrade Timofeyev! AIexander

Sergeyevich! HeIp me!

Ivan VassiIyevich, hurry up!

Goodbye!

- are You aII right?

- AII right. You'II never beIieve it!

The poIice wiII beIieve it! You wiII

answer for your anti-sociaI experiments!

Sire!

Just a minute!

Why do you have poIice at your door,

comrade scientist?

There was a burgIary at your friend

Shpak's today.

ReaIIy?

- We detained One more.

- No, not detained!

Not detained. I was on my way

to make a voIuntary confession.

I'm deIighted to hand myseIf in to my

dear poIice. I set on it aII my hopes.

- Who are you?

- Bunsha, Ivan VassiIyevich.

So you insist that you're Ivan

VassiIyevich Bunsha?

Your ID, pIease.

- I forgot it at home.

- Who can corroborate your statement?

WeII, anybody! You may ask my wife,

UIyana. She wiII confirm it.

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