Jack and Diane Page #2

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I think it was...

Feel

What I feel

Feel

What I do

Feel

What I do

Going nowhere...

Jack?

Jack!

Jesus Christ.

Phone.

Hello?

Hi.

Is this Jack?

Yeah. Diane?

I thought you were gonna

call me when you got home.

Well... well, I just got home.

You just got home?

I thought you were late.

Late for what?

I don't know, you just, like,

took off really fast.

Yeah, I had a... I had,

to run errands.

What are you doing?

I'm talking to you.

I can't be that loud.

I wish you were here.

Yeah, me, too.

Are you touching yourself?

Excuse me?

Let me be your hands.

How does it feel?

I'm not gay.

- What?

- I can't do this.

- I've got to go.

- Wait, don't go. It's cool.

This isn't Diane.

What are you talking about?

Hey, girl.

So, what do you want

to do today?

I have to do stuff here today.

Cool.

Well, I'll help you, and we can go.

F... f***.

Why don't you girls sit down,

and I'll make some sandwiches?

Hilary,

where's the 60 quid...

- You borrowed off me?

- Hey.

You're gonna love this.

- What is that?

- It's Marmite and bagel.

I'm not really hungry.

It's killer, right?

Hold on, though.

It's better with tea.

I'm sure it was you

in the new Audi

Outside Sainsbury's

Hey, Hilary... Hilary

Hilary...

- Whose is this?

- It's mine.

Cool. Nice pick.

So, Aunt Linda, tell me

about Diane's sister.

What's her name? Karen?

Karen, she's a sweetheart.

You know what they say...

twins are opposites.

Twins?

Cool.

I gotta pee.

You wanna show me

where the bathroom is?

Dork. What did she say?

Who, Karen? Oh, we had fun.

- No, no, not here.

- Come on.

Diane, can you come

give me a hand?

I need to talk to you

about something.

Yeah, I'm just looking

for some loo roll.

We just bought loo roll.

What are you doing?

Oh, my God. Does Mary know?

- Know what?

- That you're...

With girls?

Yeah, of course she knows.

She's my mom.

- Well, nobody told me.

- What are you, the library?

People go to you

to deposit information?

- Jack, I don't think I like you.

- Fine.

I don't f*** older women.

Well, Diane's grounded,

so you're gonna have to leave.

Well, we're gonna

get a place together

when I move out

next month, so f*** you.

Fine.

But Diane will be at school

in France in two weeks,

so good luck finding her.

Is that true?

Stop!

- Please, Jack, come on.

- You're such a f***ing liar.

First you con your sister

into talking to me,

and now you're only here

for, like, a week?

What the f*** am I,

your f***ing tourist f***?

- No, it's not like that.

- Thanks for making me look like an ass.

It's not like that.

It's not like what?

- Are you staying?

- I don't know.

It's not completely up to me.

Well, look, don't stay for me, okay?

I'm, like, over it.

I get all the p*ssy I want.

You're such a...

A what?

Okay, Karen...

she, like, thinks that I'm, like,

always taking care of her, right?

And I don't know. Maybe I am.

But it's like I'm stronger

than her or something.

What is she, like, retarded?

Okay, are you gonna

let me explain?

Yeah. I don't have

all day, though.

Well, Karen, like, filled out

this application thing

for me to go on

this fashion exchange

to a school in Paris next year

so that we could be apart,

because she's...

I don't know,

she's just got this thing

where she thinks she's, like,

holding me back or something.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, I guess.

Can I have a piece?

It's my last piece.

Why do you have to be so mean?

You just think you're

the cat's pajamas, don't you?

What the f*** does that mean?

The bee's knees.

Like you're so cool.

You don't know me.

This is scary for me.

I thought you said

that I was, like, the one.

I should probably go.

Do whatever you want.

What time is it anyway?

It's around 3:
00.

You want me to call you a cab?

Yeah, you should

probably do that.

Why'd you come here tonight?

I don't know. To hang out.

Why don't you join

the group?

It's better than

being a party poop.

- Maybe there.

- All right, all right.

Hold on.

Look at that.

But then this nipple's

really weird now.

Okay, just let me

be the artist, okay?

Okay.

- Wait, that one's glowing.

- Shut up.

No, and now that nipple

has gone out of control.

Okay, I'm working on it.

It needs... the nipple

just needs to be

a little bit smaller.

Okay, I'll get the nipple,

all right?

- And that one needs to be...

- What the f*** is going on?

I can maybe fix it, but I need

one of those littler screwdrivers.

Holy sh*t,

is that Lance's tape?

- Hey!

- That is the f***ing tape, isn't it?

Isn't it?

- Give it...

- Oh, sh*t, it is.

Give it back.

- B*tch.

- Come outside.

That is the grossest

thing in the world.

What the f***

are you doing here?

Nothing.

You can't just hang out

with my friends.

Well, they're my friends, too.

No, they're not.

Yes, they are.

Chris sells that sh*t

to some creep on the Internet.

But it wasn't even me.

It's just my face.

And you did it.

Yeah, well, it's different.

I mean, we're friends

and he pays me.

What the f***'s that?

Fireballs.

So?

So we both put one

in our mouth,

and whoever keeps it

in there the longest wins.

Wins what?

If you win, I'll leave.

But if I win, I get to stay.

You are so retarded.

You're just scared

you're gonna lose.

Wait, we have to both

do it at the same time.

Well, you'd better hurry, then.

Hey, can I put this here?

Hey, you should use her.

She's, like, bass drum madness

and needs new friends.

Really?

Here.

You should go audition for it.

Yeah, we're having,

like, auditions today.

Okay.

All right.

See you later.

Watch it, Jersey girl.

What, you own the sidewalk now?

Do you want some of this?

You're a f***ing a**hole,

you know that?

F***, that b*tch dogged me.

My guy says she's already on the net,

like, a couple days ago.

- Oh, my God, Stacy!

- Yeah.

- Go get you some booze.

- Nice, nice!

Booze!

Hold up.

That's what I think.

What the f*** is this?

- I'm just gonna...

- Hi.

Dude, get her another beer.

- What?

- Another beer?

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

You okay?

Hey, you okay?

Hey, you like to party, baby?

I don't know. I mean...

do you... do you wanna go home?

You ready to party?

Are you ready for a ride

or you wanna party?

I mean, it's up to you,

but you are not...

She looks to me like

she's ready to party.

- Doesn't stay down.

- No, it doesn't.

Is she ready?

Are you ready to party?

You guys ready to party?

How 'bout you?

You guys ready to party

over there?

- Oh, yeah.

- Maybe.

Hey.

How's it going, buddy?

She ready for a shower?

Almost.

Can you see?

Yeah, yeah, I got it

on glow-in-the-dark.

- You ready, man?

- Yeah.

- You gonna be ready?

- It's close.

I've been drinking,

so I'm like, you know...

F***in' focus, man.

Take off her panties.

I wanna see it.

Oh, I can't see.

What's going on?

It's okay, baby.

It's just a shower.

No penetration.

Oh, yeah.

She likes it.

You want a little cherry, baby?

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