Jack And Jill vs. The World Page #2

they bit the kittens' tails off.

It was just pretend.

Drummers. They give me

the heebie-jeebies.

- Getting the hang of this?

- Yeah. No drummers.

Got it.

Hey, Dad.

Jack.

It's the first Monday

of the month, Dad.

Of course. Of course it is.

How you been?

Fine.

How's the job?

It's fine.

How's business?

Fine.

Fine.

I've been reading something.

I think this is right up your alley.

This is out of print,

so I was lucky to get my hands on this.

A History of Russia.

Riasanovsky.

That's great, Dad.

Thanks.

This Klubendorff's actually not bad.

Welcome to the Klub.

Anyway, I'm really grateful.

But I have to say that hawking goods

with all my sh*t hanging out

isn't my thing.

You're moving on?

Life's too short.

You gotta do

what makes you happy.

The thing is people don't know

what makes them happy.

They think they know

because we tell them.

Real happiness is bad for sales.

Are you happy?

Uh...

happiness is overrated.

# Show me all your love

trapped inside #

# Take me into your world #

# And I'll try my best to get you high #

# Take you on a moonlight ride #

# Anywhere you like #

... in a pen with a herd of real sheep.

Yes?

Jill, can... can you come

out here for a sec?

Okay.

See...

the thing is, I like my space.

And, you know, you just moved in.

We're roommates.

So... there's a problem.

'Cause I'm a creature

of habit, you know?

I'm set in my ways.

And although they may

not be tremendously great habits,

they're still my habits,

and they work for me.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay.

'Cause I'm... I'm neat. I'm organized.

And now I got pink,

and there's veggies and...

So...

I don't think we should sleep together.

I mean, it was great.

You were great. I just... I really think

it just sort of complicates

the situation here.

And I, uh...

I'm definitely not into this obsession

everyone has

with finding their soul mates

and all that nonsense.

So that's not gonna happen here.

No love.

- Great.

- Jack.

Can I catch a ride?

Sure. Fine. Fine.

Lucy, can I ask you

a question?

Go for it.

How come every time I see you,

you're, like, different?

Different how?

The other day, you were, like,

some kind of Goth character,

and today it's like...

Is there some kind of rule

that says I gotta be one thing?

No.

Did you wake up this morning

and feel exactly

the same way you did yesterday?

No.

Hmm.

Okay, so...

how do you feel today, then?

Let's see.

Last night, I got skunked

by this loser in a linen suit

who looked a lot better in the dark.

So this morning while I was trying

to escape his waterbed,

I had this whole

self-loathing thing going on.

And by the time I got home,

I was full-on disgusted.

So I pulled this out, and I thought...

"Yeah. It works."

I don't know. When I feel like a robot,

I guess I'll dress like one.

Okay.

Can I ask you a question?

What?

Are you a barfer?

Excuse me?

Bulimic or something?

'Cause you're skinny and you eat a lot,

like, more than anyone I know.

I have cystic fibrosis.

Is that bad?

Not the greatest.

What does that mean?

Ahem. Well, it means that...

I don't absorb nutrients

like most people.

So I have to eat a lot.

And that's it?

Um... no.

There's a pulmonary component.

My lungs are building up scar tissue,

which eventually...

But some people

live to be in their 40s.

So you're this hot chick,

and you've got cystic fibrosis.

Yes, but is there a rule that says

I have to be one thing?

Jack, have you ever thought

about getting a dog?

No.

Might lighten you up a bit,

get you out of the house,

meet other dog people.

The assumption here is that

I want to meet other people.

Jack?

Yeah.

Are you gay?

Yes, George. I'm gay.

No, because Sally

thinks maybe... maybe you're gay.

I just said I was.

No, you're not.

I just said I'm gay, George.

But you're not.

No.

Fine.

So Sally met this chick at yoga...

Hey, you remember that girl we hired

for the Klubendorff' commercial?

Oh, she's hot, buddy.

You should take a run at that.

I've been there.

You've been there been there?

She's my roommate.

Hey, how long have

you known this chick?

'Cause I saw this episode

of the X- Files once

where this girl goes out

with all these different guys

and then she sells their

organs on the black market.

Then he started

asking me all these questions.

Like, am I good?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, that did come up.

And?

Well...

I realized that I didn't have a lot

of answers for him.

I mean, I don't really know

that much about you.

Well, I come from an island.

It's called the island of heart,

and it's surrounded

by the sea of intuition.

Really?

The days are short,

and the nights are even shorter.

And every dawn, a fresh breeze

blows away the static thoughts

and the dead ideas.

Mmm. Nice.

So I come from the planet Earth,

and my people are stubborn

and set in their ways.

Our ideas don't just

float in on a breeze.

We plant them in the ground

and watch them grow

into big-ass trees with big-ass roots.

I eat dreamers for breakfast.

Yeah, right.

You drink your breakfast from a can.

# Molecules we fall apart #

# And slam together in the dark #

# The dark is where

the change is made... #

I love New York.

# They turn into a deeper shade

of colors me and you #

# In places we can safeguard #

# Where both our fighting world's collide #

# A beautiful electric ride

together mixed with cyanide #

Pow.

# A place that we can both agree #

Was meant for you and me #

# She loves me, yeah, she loves me #

# I believe the light's above me #

# An angel is dancing in my arms #

Hey there.

You in for a tune-up?

I am.

How long have you been here?

Hey, is the room service any good?

How's the food?

Do they turn your bed down at night

and leave the chocolate on the pillow?

All the nice hotels do it.

Hey, Wyatt, just so you know,

the kid and I, we're gonna want our beds

turned down at night

and a chocolate on the pillow.

And I'll take a newspaper

with my breakfast.

Do you want a newspaper?

Make that two.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, kid, you should look into that.

Yeah, right.

- So what's your name?

- Holly.

- Got a boyfriend?

- No.

No?

That's crazy.

A pretty girl like you?

I got a boyfriend.

He's cute.

Is he better than David Beckham?

- Um, that depends.

- On what?

If you like pretty boys with frosted hair.

Jill?

Have you seen my roommate?

Hello?

Lame.

What?

Jill?

Are you asleep?

Uh-uh.

Do you ever think about dying?

Uh-uh.

What do you think about?

I think about wanting to learn as much

as I can while I'm here.

Making an impact.

What do you think about?

Everyone forgetting me.

You can't let them forget, Holly.

You gotta fight.

We gotta fight.

Is that, uh...

Hippie coffee.

Jill didn't come home last night.

She didn't call.

No message.

Sound weird to you?

Well, if she's like, say, your girlfriend,

then yeah, that could be a little weird.

But she's just your roommate, right?

Right.

Of course.

Madera fumbles.

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