Jack And Jill vs. The World Page #4

Feelings, feelings

I'm not dumb

I'm just numb

I'm not dumb

No. No. Absolutely not. No.

I'm just numb

Come on

Wow.

Jill......

What? She's doing her thing, you know?

She doesn't care.

That's likely the root of her problem.

I am lame

Oh, my God!

It's a dancing robot!

Look!

What is it?

And he sweeps me away

in his big, boring silver bullet.

That's not good enough

for you, princess?

No, I was hoping for

a chariot and unicorns.

Something a little less predictable.

You want less predictable?

There.

What?

A '66 Corvair.

Jack! Where is it!

I got rid of it.

Oh, you didn't! Why?

I don't know.

It was a lot of work.

I love it.

It was always breaking down.

How about we never do that again?

Hi. This is Jill's mom.

- It's your mom.

- What?

"We haven't heard from you in a couple days,

Sweet Jane. Give us a call."

Wait, wait! It's your dad.

"We really miss you."

Okay, okay, okay!

Give it to me.

What?

I miss them.

No, it's sweet. I just...

I don't have that.

What are your parents like?

This...

is my dad.

This was supposed to be

my "birds and the bees" talk.

- Hmm.

- Granted it came a little late in life.

Oh! Uh, wait.

To truly understand

the anatomy of anal retention.

Read this.

And if I ever thought

of doing something

really, really bad,

I believe this was meant

to cure me of that.

And that's how I was raised.

One book at a time.

Hey.

# Leave him next to go #

# Hold on #

# To what you can #

# Give it up #

# You can go #

# 'Cause I don't have a right #

# A second of this space #

# Let's pretend we're down #

# To an hour that's stolen #

# So hold on #

# To what you can #

# Let's pretend we're down #

# To an hour this time #

Got it.

Okay.

Read this.

Now, today they call them terrorists.

In the old days,

they were anarchists,

but otherwise, it's

exactly the same way

as it was a hundred years ago.

Everybody blowing themselves

to smithereens.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

It's great to meet you.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

Give us a call now.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

Thanks.

Lovely girl, Jack.

That's it, son.

Lovely girl.

I like him.

I can see that.

He loves you, Jack.

He's just not good at showing it.

You should cut him some slack.

Is that one of our rules now?

That's a good idea, Jack.

Perfect.

Rule 7:
Show compassion.

Oh!

How about meter maids?

I gotta show compassion

to meter maids, too?

Banks, phones,

insurance, meter maids.

You don't have to show

compassion to them.

We create a haven.

Free of fights, expectations, fear.

Free of noise, damn it.

Horns, alarms, things that go boom.

A library of the mind.

Where the voices of

doubt are frowned upon.

Now let's take them to a place

where we're all understood,

where's there's no pain,

no arguments.

A place...

where no one is wrong.

Because deep down,

we all want to be understood, right?

Guys, women, teenagers...

even old people.

Everyone is silently pleading.

"Just hear me."

George, could you give us a minute?

Exceptional work, Jack.

Now we can all live together as one

in perfect peace and harmony.

Mr. Doop is a big account,

and Mr. Doop is interested in making money,

not saving the world.

Get it together, Jack!

But I'm trying to elevate here.

You're off Doop.

All right, hold on!

What are you smoking, dude?

That was a big account.

And we're supposed to be a team.

That wasn't team.

I'm sick of this mire of mediocrity!

Mire of... What?

We're bullshit artists, George!

That's what we do!

We sell sh*t for a living!

For once in my life,

I was trying to tell the truth!

I'm sorry, George!

Sh*t, man! It's just a stupid hair gel!

Would you stop running like a sissy!

I can't afford to have you

go through a crisis, Jack.

I have to bring home the bacon now.

Sally's pregnant.

Damn, man.

Why didn't you tell me?

It's early, first trimester.

You're not supposed

to say anything.

It's amazing.

You are going to be happy.

It was beautiful

when we sat in the twilight,

laying our plans.

You were gonna work in the world...

the living world.

The lone messenger

of emancipation...

Thank you, Jill.

You'll do fine.

Thanks for coming in.

When?

Excuse me?

Well, when am I gonna do fine?

'Cause it's been months

of these meetings, and nothing.

Sweetie, we're all asking that question.

You start at the bottom,

and then you claw your way up.

And claw my way up? Great.

You're new in town.

Give it some time.

Those two jokers

got the Doop campaign?

Yep.

Jack!

Jack!

Hey!

Just go!

Hey, Jill.

What are you doing? You're so...

What's wrong with you?

What? Nothing happened.

That car just almost hit you!

Relax. It's no big deal.

It is a big deal.

It's a huge deal. It's your life.

Doesn't that mean anything to you?

Whoa, whoa.

What are you talking about?

Nothing's important to you.

- Jill, it's okay.

- No!

Here. I made you lunch.

I don't think it was... Jill, wait.

Jill, wait!

What the hell just happened?

Hey, George...

how does this relationship

nonsense usually work?

Usually, you go on a couple of dates,

see if you like each other.

Eventually you have sex.

Right. I, uh...

I sort of skipped the whole dating thing.

So what then?

And then, if you're

happy with the action,

you become boyfriend and girlfriend.

It's really fun for, like, three months,

and then you realize it's work.

Then you dump her.

Or not.

Okay, let's say not.

You move in together.

I did that.

Right.

Well...

Then you get married.

You start your trajectory of acquisitions.

Knives, forks, juicer, barbecue.

You move to the 'burbs. You buy a house.

You pop some kids out.

You fight, you cheat,

you separate, divorce,

you split the sh*t,

and see the kids on weekends.

Then you start all over again.

It all sounds so promising.

It's just an outline, Jack.

# Time can take its toll

on the best of us #

# Look at you,

you're growing old so young #

# Traffic lights may

catch you in the evening #

# Tilt your head and turn it to the sun #

Is she still here?

She never left.

Waiting on a new set of lungs.

Decided on the transplant.

She's gonna be happy to see you.

Excuse me.

Do you mind?

Klubendorff.

Dream on, guy.

Welcome to the Klub.

"Be back soon."

"Be back soon."

What the hell does that mean?

... here on the streets

to talk with John and Jane Q Public.

about the meaning of life.

What is the meaning of life?

- The meaning of life?

- Yes.

Uh...

What kind of a name is Jack?

He sounds old.

It's a stupid name.

Holly!

There's no Jack, Jill.

What makes you say that?

Because everyone lies to me.

I'm not lying to you.

Well...

he never comes and visits you.

He doesn't call you.

You don't call him.

Boys are stupid.

Everything is stupid.

Holly, you need to buck up.

No, I don't.

I'm tired of bucking up.

Bucking up is so stupid.

I want lungs that work.

# All right #

# I can say what you want #

# I can do all the things that you do #

# I'll make it all up to you#

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