Jackass 2.5

Attention!

Be seated.

Now, I'd like to present to you

Jackass 2..

But before I do,

I would like to introduce you

to the fine men

who risked their lives

and livers to make this film possible.

By God, they made it their duty.

Soldiers!

About face!

Hello. I'm Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to Jackass!

At ease.

When we went out to shoot

Jackass Number Two,

we actually shot

two movies' worth of a movie.

I don't know how we ended up

with so much footage. I think...

We didn't really want to stop filming.

It's just funner than normal life.

This is pure black house paint.

-It's not really house paint, it's interior.

-lt'll be all right.

Water-based, of course.

Just paint the fat bastard up,

and let's get this over with.

The second thing we shot for

Jackass Number Two was a bit called

Beauty and the Beast.

And it's an idea Preston wrote, where

we dress him up as a gorilla, and

Wee Man up as the damsel in distress.

And we stand them up on top of

a building, or in our case a porta-potty,

and fly airplanes at them

and crash them into them

and, you know, he's the big King Kong.

And after hiding

my extreme fear of heights

for six years, I got busted.

What's the technical word for that,

fear of heights?

Fatty-fall-down-aphobia?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, here it comes.

-Come on, Kong.

-Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Kong!

-Bring it back. Bring it back.

-Come on, Kong!

It's coming in fast this time, Kong!

Come on!

Holy sh*t!

-Beat its ass!

-Oh, my God!

I'm dizzy. I'm dizzy.

I'm about to pass out.

Oh, my God!

-Oh, sh*t!

-Oh, crap.

-Oh sh*t! Hey, Preston!

-Preston! Sit down!

-Sit down.

-Sit down.

Preston, get down.

Hey, do the sound.

Preston, you're doing good, buddy.

I thought he was crying at one point.

How you doing?

Hey, we're getting gold, man.

-Watch out.

-He's going to sh*t himself.

Hey, Gay Ray can't rescue you.

Get back up there, Wee Man.

I was up there having, literally,

the worst day of my damn life.

All I could see was all the boys,

all my friends down there,

just pointing and laughing at me.

-Grab the prop.

-What's happening?

-Ready, go!

-He looks like a giant target.

It's the kind of sh*t

that you feel like a bad person for.

Save your woman!

-Sh*t!

-You all right?

Oh, no, dude, that was not good.

-He's all right.

-ls he good?

-I can't believe he's all right.

-Dude, he missed the mattress.

-Biggest noise.

-That wasn't very good.

It didn't end very good.

I don't got anything to say about that.

You all right?

It was the hardest day of any day

I've had in Jackass, in eight years.

And I honestly didn't think I'd be able

to finish the movie after that.

It was that bad.

-Hello. I'm Preston Lacy.

-And I'm Wee Man.

This is Beauty and the Beast!

Save me, big gorilla, save me!

I wonder how you explain

the difference in... That's insane.

That's insane.

-Save your woman.

-Save your career.

Hey, man, come on!

Save me, big gorilla, save me.

Save me, big gorilla, save me.

-That's one brave monkey.

-Oh, yeah, it is.

What the f***?

It just goes to show

that when the chips are down

It just goes to show

that when the chips are down

and life looks like it really sucks...

Xanax!

I'm Phil Margera, and I'm hungry

for some goddamn meatballs.

Do it.

Are you all right?

Yeah, it got me like a punch.

-You going to have a black eye?

-I think so.

-Oh my God.

-I hope so.

-How was those meatballs, Phil?

-They were delish.

-Ape, you did a good job.

-Thank you.

I wrote this skit, Dizzy Boxing.

And when I wrote it, I wrote that

we would be suspended from ropes

that would be twisted around

and around and around,

so much that when you let go,

it just spins you like crazy,

to where you're just a human blur.

And then you'd box.

So you'd be... I mean, crazy dizzy.

And then, so,

we end up at some hotel room

and office chairs to be spun around in.

I'm Dave England,

with Ehren McGhehey,

and this is Dizzy Boxing.

Yeah! Spin that b*tch.

Oh, sh*t.

-Let's get it on!

-Kill him.

Break it up. Break it up. Break it up.

Back to your corner.

Back to your corner.

I want you to kill him. Not just beat

him up. I want you to make him dead.

He's going to go down.

I'm gonna kill him.

I've been saving it for this round.

This is going to be the one.

Round 2.

Let's get it on!

-Fight it out. Let's go. Let's go.

-Kill him.

All right, break it up. Break it up.

Break it up.

-Look, he's all amped up.

-Yeah, he won a round. He's stoked.

He's got the taste for blood.

He wants to kill.

Yeah!

Round 3.

-All right, D. Just kick his ass.

-Come on, England.

Straight to the DVD.

Straight to the DVD.

Let's get it on!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, that's right!

-Yeah!

-That was a good one.

Stop! He's down, he's down.

I'd never break up a fight like that.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

We have a winner!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

Winner is Ehren McGhehey!

Dizzy boxing champion!

And there's the loser.

-Hello?

-Hi, Mom.

-Hi.

-I'm at the beach.

That doesn't sound...

Well normally, I'd say, "Yay!"

But that doesn't sound too good.

I'm going to film a skit.

It's called the Butt Bead Ass Kite.

What?

I'm going to fly a kite out of my ass.

You need to explain this to me.

How do you fly a kite out of your butt?

You put anal beads up there.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, don't worry, I'm going to help out.

The beads are going to be totally

lubed up, April, it's cool.

-We're going to spit on them.

-Are you joking?

"We're going to spit on them"!

Ape, what do you think?

How are you not going

to get arrested doing this?

We have permits.

-Yeah.

-Where do you get a permit for that?

Paramount.

We can't get a permit

for something stupid, like an addition,

and you're getting a permit for that?

-So, do you approve of this skit?

-No!

-Well, I'm doing it anyway. Goodbye.

-I knew you would, but I...

It's a beautiful day at the beach,

and I feel like flying a kite.

Out of my ass!

I just lost a shitload of fans.

But I gained four in Key West.

Oh, man.

Sand in the Vaseline now.

There you go.

Ape is going to hate this one.

Get it in there, buddy!

-I'm trying!

-I can't do this.

What's going on back there?

-F***ing freak!

-Check this. Chris, check.

-What's the ball count there, dude?

-I can't do this.

-What's the ball count, Chris?

-All right, I'll tell you the ball count.

Hold on. I'll tell you guys the ball count.

Take the ball count,

-and just agree that it's good.

-It's...

-It's three balls.

-One more to go!

-Come on.

-One more to go.

One more, Bam. One more.

-I don't need any help.

-Push it in!

-Time to go!

-I got it.

-Okay, it's ready.

-This is just like a f***ing pirate...

-It's f***ing in! It's all in!

-I'm impressed.

I'm impressed, too. I'm impressed.

Fly the f***ing kite!

Fly the kite! Fly the f***ing kite!

Fly the kite!

-You ready?

-Fly the kite!

Here goes the kite!

Pull it out!

Get them out! Get them out!

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