Jackass 2.5 Page #2

Get them out!

Pull it out!

No way!

What happened?

I didn't pull it out.

That was Mother Nature.

I saw a...

Let's see if there's sh*t on them.

Steve-O, is there sh*t on it?

Yeah.

All the other stuff, like getting

d*cks branded on your ass, is funny.

Even the golden dildo up the ass,

that's hilarious.

But, like, anal beads going out

of your ass, from a kite, on the beach?

There's just something

a little too shady about that.

I was under the influence

of alcoholic beverages

and I thought it was

a good idea at the time.

Miller High Life!

I love that we're scared.

That bull's crazy, Wee Man.

Oh sh*t! Now your cape's gone.

F*** that.

We're at Ape and Phil's house,

and I'm going to surprise them

with this big honking bazooka.

-Ape, hit the deck!

-Hey!

-Why? What? What is that?

-Hit the f***ing deck!

What...

-Bam!

-Fire in the hole!

What was that?

-Check my heart rate, somebody.

-We're burning!

-There's a f***ing fire!

-190 over 1 10 or something.

Where? Where?

Bam!

-What?

-Look at the carpet.

The carpet's all melted.

Dico shot that one.

Yeah, that was Dico's,

'cause he didn't have...

You're kind of like not hearing

what I'm saying.

I'm saying the carpet's melted.

-Yeah but that wasn't me.

-That was Dico's.

I fired a bazooka, he fired a rocket.

I don't care who it was! The carpet's...

Who's firing this in the house?

That was Dico,

'cause he fired the rocket.

That's a rocket. He did a bazooka.

-Yelling at me is pointless.

-Yeah, it is. 'Cause he...

-You know what?

-He did the carpet.

-It's unfair to yell at me, 'cause l...

-And I put it out.

Here. There's your rocket back.

I put it out.

-I was here to help.

-I'm so tired of burned-up carpet.

It's not my fault, Ape.

We were jamming music so much,

we just wanted to rock it.

I dare you to push that sh*t over.

Unlock it!

Unlock it, I'll let you out.

All right, buddy?

I'm sorry. I love you, bro.

Just unlock it. I'll get you out of there.

Come on, Bam, unlock it.

I so didn't even start.

I'm so sorry, buddy.

I didn't mean to do it.

You know, you just stirred up

so much sh*t in there.

Oh, God!

When we're shooting, everyone's

getting f***ed with, all the time.

Including myself.

Oh, f***!

And it got a little much,

where Tremaine couldn't even...

Couldn't even shoot anything on the set,

because I was just...

I could not stop.

Dude, sorry. Sorry, Jeff.

It was so uncomfortable that l

had to stand with my back to something,

so I could just see

anything coming at me.

Yeah, it's tough some days, man.

This is a crab on a C-clamp.

These C-clamps don't feel good,

especially on your ass.

Or the back of the arm. Oh, my God!

It's going to feel really bad

on the back of the arm.

-F***!

-F***! Damn! Sh*t!

-You've been crabbed!

-It's all right.

I'd love to get crabs from Knoxville.

-B*tch!

-Rolling.

Oh, f***.

F***!

Don't get me with that thing.

I think I got it enough.

Dude, you want these things to the left?

I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

-I am f***ing done. I'm f***ing done.

-That's for the porta-potty.

-I'm done.

-That's for the...

-I'm f***ing done.

-Here. Here!

-Come here. I'll get it. I'll get it.

-Watch out.

-Rape face! Rape face!

-He was stuck in the porta-potty.

Oh, my God.

-Kick his ass.

-Kick his ass, Preston, f***!

I'm done with that. I'm done.

That's what I said. They play

too many practical jokes.

You can't get no rest

around these guys.

Don't fall asleep.

Hell, no. You better not

fall asleep around Jackass.

Best part was

when we sprayed him

with the water guns, in the cooler.

Yeah, that was my best part, too.

Well, we filled the water guns up

with pee, and we sprayed everybody.

What's going on?

I'm pissing into this water gun,

and I'm going to jump in the cooler

and surprise the bros.

-Where the beers at? Rock 'n' roll.

-I think it's one of those coolers.

I really don't drink Miller, but I'm going

to have to make an exception.

Get you a drink, man. Join the party.

Captain Morgan on the house.

-Oh, sh*t!

-Yeah, buddy!

That don't taste like Captain Morgan!

It tastes like piss.

Drink up, buddy.

-I think that was...

-Oh, man!

Last time I checked, it was piss.

Is this piss? Oh, it is piss, isn't it?

Whose piss?

Get away from me, little guy.

Don't waste it all.

What about when the raft

went off in your Lambo?

Oh, God. Yeah.

A raft that instantly inflates to, like,

ten by seven, or some sh*t,

in a Lamborghini

where the window is this wide as it is.

in a Lamborghini

where the window is this wide as it is.

I can just see the whole...

The window was cracking,

the sunroof was popping out.

Yeah, I was like, "This sucks so bad. "

I think your windshield's messed up.

Yeah, that was...

Should have thought that one through

a little bit better, dudes.

-I played, like, maybe two weeks ago.

-Do you honestly play?

-Yeah.

-Really?

-All right.

-What do you say

I bang one out of your ass?

I think we can do it.

-Let me try it out of your ass.

-Awesome.

Let's get it... Put it in his ass.

You guys are pricks.

-All right.

-Pull up your cardigan.

-Oh, my...

-All right.

Let's see this kick-ass form

that you're talking about.

-Oh, dude! Dude. Dude.

-Get me up!

You okay?

-You did good.

-You a**hole, you didn't even try, man.

-You suck at golf.

-No. It was good.

-Show the camera your hole in the butt.

-Show the hole in the butt.

Thank you, sir.

That was great.

Hey, sir. Would you mind

driving a golf ball off my friend's crotch?

If we get a long tee.

-Can you hit one out of his pee-pee?

-Yeah, I'll try.

Oh, man.

-This is golfing.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Oh, man.

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, man.

-Try to get your face out of the way.

Just take a deep breath. Easy up, bub.

-All right?

-Oh, my God.

All right, sir. Do your worst.

Best! Sorry.

Oh, my God!

-He hit it after it fell off.

-Dude, I saw the ball

Iike an inch away from my face.

Yeah, I don't know how he hit it

when it was falling.

-That was great.

-Wow. Good hit.

-Man.

-That was kick-ass.

Please hit the idiots. Pass it on.

-Hit the idiots. Pass it on.

-Please hit the idiots.

Pass it on.

You're going to get hit, midget.

There went one.

Man, these guys are...

Hit them!

Look at Wee Man.

What jerks.

Wow.

-He got it right in the dick.

-Was it good?

That's great.

So one of the things that led

to the making of Number Two

was when I went to Russia

with the Wildboyz,

and Tremaine saw that

I was pretty excited to shoot.

And the first thing I shot in Russia was

when we went to Saint Petersburg

and there was some Russian

sex museum/prostate exam clinic.

"Oh great! That sounds great!

Yeah, let's go shoot it tomorrow! Great!"

But then when we got there,

they told me what they wanted me to do.

Holy...

You're just going to go face-first.

-You can put off your trousers.

-You want my trousers?

Yes. And we shall observe you.

Come here, and put on your knees.

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