Jackass 2.5 Page #3

-Okay. Do I need to lose the boxers?

-Just... Just...

Sometime later. Just... Now you are...

-Okay.

-Knees here.

-Okay.

-Knees here.

And elbows. Elbows here.

And also,

you have to put off your trousers.

-Just enough.

-No Sacagawea.

Just enough. These nurses

may do the massage of prostate.

-What? What?

-Yeah.

So... No, wait a second!

Why is he doing it?

-It's the...

-lt is a special doctor procedure.

It may... Only the doctor can

do the massage of prostate.

Not nurse, but doctor.

No, no, no, no.

You guys just did

the f***ing Texas switch.

You told me the nurse was going to...

-Rectal examination for prostate...

-I don't care about...

I don't care about a massage

from the doc.

But, it must be done by doctor.

Calm down.

-There's no calming down.

-No, no. There is. You're fine.

-That's too far.

-No, no, no.

- All right, he's got to stop. It hurts.

-Oh, my God!

Does it feel good?

-No, it doesn't feel good.

-It's a massage.

Let's... Don't make eye contact.

Tell the doc not to make eye contact.

-Just relax, and try to enjoy it.

-Relax. Try to enjoy, yes?

That will do. That will do. That's all.

-That's good.

-That's all.

Oh, my God. He put two digits in you.

-Come on, that felt good, right?

-You are the champion.

-You are.

-Boy, did I get roped into this one.

-You are the champion.

-I won nothing!

You're the champion.

I'm having a great time here.

-Am I okay?

-Okay, okay.

It's okay. There is no big problem,

but some...

Little loose in your prostate.

He's loose.

After I was anally probed

by a device and a full-grown man...

Hello, ma'am.

...I...

There was an idea for me to go

donate sperm, so they could

you know, assess

my virility.

So, in this room, you are to masturbate,

and to collect your sperm for analysis.

For analysis. Please follow the nurse.

Hi.

How many times have we joked around

about going to a clinic together?

You guys aren't coming in here.

You guys are out.

That's a very small cup.

Yeah, but... Okay, I'll try to hit it.

And so I went in a room,

and tried to, you know,

And so I went in a room,

and tried to, you know,

give them the sperm they wanted.

But it's tough when you got

four of your friends outside the door

Iistening to you try to give sperm.

It really blows your concentration.

Quit giggling!

So, "golden nuggets"...

I can't even get a f***ing hard-on.

And for those of you who don't know,

you can produce sperm with a softie.

Just... You got to pull quick.

So, you did it.

It took forever.

I don't know if you want to...

I kind of missed a little.

Who wants to... Who's...

No, no, come on... Hey! No! No!

Look at him! Kosick's... Look at Kosick!

-lt was water.

-Funny joke.

It's about Rick Kosick. It's called

Ricky Did the Boogie-Woogie.

We met Ricky-Wicky

In the spring of '69

He loved to dance the boogie-woogie

And he boogie-woogied fine

Now it's 1 987

He's a little bit older

He's traded his Camaro

For a crimson Dodge...

He boogie-woogie all night

Boogie...

We went to do this thing

where Steve-O was going to get

a condom bit out of his ass,

from between his butt cheeks,

by a rattlesnake.

A crazy one, too. The thing was gnarly,

and mad and mean.

These are the fangs of the eastern

diamondback rattlesnake.

-This is what injects the venom into you.

-There goes a little more.

-That's great.

-Ready, Steve-O?

Don't f*** with the eastern

diamondback rattlesnake

without wearing a condom.

I'm Steve-O,

and this is the Rattlesnake Salad Toss.

Move your ass that way.

You got it. There you go.

Come back. Ass back. Ass back.

-Back up.

-Why am I backing up to a rattlesnake?

This is an experiment.

It's so important to get a rattlesnake

to bite something out of my butt!

All right. But you have to put

the condom towards the snake.

That was nice.

Bend down. Bend over. Bend over.

He's still got the condom in his mouth.

So after Jackass: The Movie,

we started making a show called

Wildboyz with Chris and Steve-O,

and we shot some of the most amazing

stuff we've ever made.

And so one of the ideas

with Number Two was to

recreate some of the best things

we shot for Wildboyz.

Unfortunately, it didn't always work out.

I'm Chris Pontius, and my day

is about to take a turn for the worse.

Here's why.

Chris, a snapping turtle's about

to bite your nose.

Oh, Jesus...

-Well, that f***ing sucked.

-You got it good.

Oh my God! You got it so good.

Dude, you're like

Rudolph the Red-Nosed...

Reindeer!

That's so beautiful.

T-nigs, that snapping turtle

tore him up, huh?

Oh yeah! Guess what? If I was going

to do the snapping turtle thing,

I wouldn't do it on my nose.

Where would you do it?

On your pecker?

Absolutely.

So what became of that?

Did we even air that on the movie?

-Or are we putting that in 2.?

-Yeah.

Jesus! That...

All right.

One of the most successful places

we ever went with Wildboyz was lndia.

Jeff wanted to go back to lndia because,

I don't know, that's where he found

his spirit animal or something.

I don't know.

India was awesome.

It is a beautiful country filled with

rich culture and a wonderful heritage.

No, I hated it,

and I'm pretty sure I'm the fattest

person, ever, in the history of lndia.

The production company got

about 20 other little people together.

Hello, there.

They probably didn't know

what they were gonna be doing.

What's up? Wee Man.

The next thing you know,

they're all getting painted blue

and wearing orange wigs.

And it was great. I've never been

with that many little people,

filming one big thing at once,

and it was awesome.

We shot with the man with

the longest fingernails in the world.

And he's been growing these things

for like, I don't know, 50 years.

And he carries them around...

He puts, like, a bag over them

that almost looks like

he's got a rifle in his hand.

And so, he agreed to shoot with us.

But he didn't really know

what Jackass was,

and we didn't really know

what to do with him.

It's Miller time.

Oh, God.

Oh, they're coming right off

his fingertips.

He probably hasn't washed those things

in 50 years, O.

Jesus!

Steve-O, I told you no!

It offends the ladies!

No, wait! Where you going?

You can't leave the set!

I'm sorry, ladies.

Thank you, Shridhar.

Thank you, Shridhar.

So we're in lndia, and I decide,

"All right. Well, let's sort of combine

all the lndian stereotypes into one bit."

So, we were like, "All right.

Let's get a bed of nails.

"And let's get some snake charmers,

and, oh, sh*t, let's get an elephant,

"put the elephant in the background. "

And so, one by one,

I'm going through each cast member.

I'm like, "Hey, Steve-O, you wanna lay

on the bed of nails?"

"Oh, no, dude, I did that for Wildboyz.

I don't wanna do that."

Basically, it gets down to Ehren.

Ehren's always the last guy.

And this one gets down to Ehren.

And he says no.

And I'm like, "Ehren, please,

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