Jackass 2.5 Page #4

you're the last guy I can ask.

"Just come over here and look at it."

Go ahead and stick it up your ass.

Dude, look at this. A rusty nail in lndia,

and he wants me to lay on that sh*t. No!

-Why don't you sit on it and show us?

-I sat on it!

And Trip sits on it, and he f***ing gets

punctured with a rusty nail!

Through his f***ing hand!

Tetanus here in lndia.

Are you kidding me?

F*** off!

Crazy, dude. I ain't doing that sh*t.

Bullshit.

I'm Danger Ehren, and this is

the bed of nails, with snakes.

You got it, Dange.

Don't even worry about the cobras, man.

Chris has your back.

-I do?

-Yeah.

You got it, dude. This is... Just...

Nice and even.

This feels like it's gonna go

right up my ass.

No, it isn't. Put your back...

It's a bed, Danger.

You're supposed to lay on it.

-Okay.

-Dude, right on your legs.

-Okay.

-Dude, right on your legs.

On your legs.

And then this one.

Hold on!

The more you spread your weight out,

the less it's gonna hurt.

-Yeah, that's what you got to do.

-Put your leg down.

Hold on!

What don't you understand

about "put your leg down"?

I'm on a bed of f***ing nails, man!

F***!

Now on your turban, too.

Put those motherfuckers on!

Oh, sh*t!

Relax, Ehren. They're just cobras.

Oh, God. No, not between the legs!

Oh! F***, man! No f***ing way!

There's a f***ing snake on my chest,

and I'm on nails right now.

-Are you sad?

-I'm not happy.

-But you like the music.

-Oh, this f***ing hurts!

Oh, sh*t. Sh*t.

Get me off of here. Get me off of here.

I'm serious. Please.

Please. I don't care... Please. Please.

Jeff, get me the f*** off

of this bed of f***ing nails right now.

-Take the snakes off!

-All right, fine.

Please...

I'm so over this right now. Please.

This is not fun!

Seriously, I need to stop. Now!

Please.

-All right!

-F***!

F***!

-Want to do one more song?

-Wait... Wait, no.

You got it, dude.

All right, a round of applause.

Wait, wait, wait. I still need help.

-All right, dude.

-You do need help.

You're gonna have to pull me up now.

Seriously, don't drop me or anything.

Oh, look at that.

Holy moly!

And remember, safety first.

Jesus. I thought we were gonna

finally get rid of him.

-All right!

-Yeah!

The ultimate failed bit that we shot

for Number Two

was this bit that we shot for Wildboyz

where we got this gold

from this tribe called the Aghoris.

The Aghoris are

this religious sect in lndia

that believe

they can reach enlightenment

by throwing themselves

into all things that are, like,

bad, basically.

They eat f***ing human flesh.

They steal dead bodies out of graves

and eat them.

They want to antique you

with f***ing cremated human ash.

They really are a handful. Like, they'll

try to bite you, and suck your blood,

and throw their pee on you,

and all this terrible stuff.

Nobody went into it with a good attitude.

Actually, nobody even went into it,

except for me and Pontius

and Dave England.

We saw these f***ed-up dudes on TV

and we decided we had to meet them.

Again.

So the next thing I know,

I'm in a Wildboyz sandwich.

I f***ing had this dumbass shirt.

I looked like a f***ing tourist,

and I got flip-flops on,

and I'm like, "What the f***?"

They were all these f***ing creepy,

shitty, spastic, skinny Aghoris.

They were out of control when we

filmed with them on Wildboyz.

But they obviously knew it was a movie

this time around.

It's like they really tried to step it up.

Were those the same dudes

from Wildboyz?

One of the guys takes out a knife

and he just starts slicing up his leg.

And I was like, "Wow, that's cool."

Well, it's not really cool.

And he comes over to us

with all the blood and, like...

God. Yeah, we were like, "F*** this. "

-Watch it, Dave! Watch it, Dave!

-Whoa! Whoa!

Don't, man!

Dude, seriously, I have Aghori-phobia

and I can't handle this.

Okay, what have you got? Guys, please.

He's got blood on his thumb.

Yeah, that's...

-No, no.

-All right! Back to... Everything's cool.

Yeah, let's check some of that...

Be very f***ing careful, man.

Go drink that blood or some sh*t.

Johnny, I'm gonna

f***ing smack someone.

Dave England's freaked out, and...

We all were. We were like...

It was just a complete disaster.

And then the next thing you know,

which I think is kind of weak,

one of the gurus just pees in a cup

and he starts drinking it.

And we're like, "Dude!

Drinking piss! That... "

F***ing put it in a snow cone,

then maybe we'll talk.

Welcome to the DVD extras section

of Jackass Number Two.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, so the Aghoris didn't work,

and I decided at that point,

"All right, we're not shooting any more

Wildboyz bits for Jackass. "

What's happening here today, Daniel?

Well, we're gonna take this

and put this specialty impact munition

called a REACT lmpact.

REACT stands for "Radiated Energy

Air-Cushioned Trajectile."

It looks like Bam's dick.

Show it!

Come on, pull it out, pull it out.

-Come on.

-Come on, let's see it.

-It's the same thing!

-How would you know?

Look!

You... Screw you guys!

Bam can have that one.

I've got a new one.

So we're gonna shoot this

at about 60 feet,

and it should make a pretty nice impact.

-What're we gonna shoot?

-You.

You're gonna get shot with Bam's dick

in the ass.

-Assume the position.

-Let's go.

Are you ready for the first laugh

when this happens?

Where'd it hit him?

-lt hit him in the butt!

-Where'd it hit him at?

Oh, yeah, it hit me.

-Right in the middle.

-But where was he hit?

-Let's see.

-I'm not f***ing with you.

Yeah, we're not touching anything.

-Where?

-Right there.

Oh, right, underneath...

-Yeah.

-Oh, my God.

How did Bam's dick feel on your ass?

Oh, f***. I ain't into that,

back-door shenanigans.

-Where'd it hit you?

-Right there.

-Oh, my...

-Oh, look at it now.

Oh, dude, that looks awful.

Oh, my God.

Holy God.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God,

it's right next to your bean bag.

Oh, my God.

Did you have your bean bag out

when he shot?

-F***, yeah.

-That's insane!

-How're you doing today?

-I'm not stoked on the whole situation.

-Why?

-Alligators piss me off.

And then there's f***ing barbed wire

above it. That sucks.

And then we're going

in this tiny little hole

with pigs that're gonna sh*t and piss.

That sucks.

Then we go through that, which is...

Gonna get hit by paintballs,

by professional paintballers.

That sucks.

Then we have to drink a spittoon.

And, like, I already have

a barfing problem.

And then I'm gonna do that again

for sure, 'cause that's disgusting.

This is the Cajun Obstacle Course!

On your mark, set get, go!

-Oh, sh*t!

-Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go!

Oh, God.

I didn't even touch it! I mean...

F*** it. I lose, man.

Who drank it first?

Bam did.

All right. And the winner is Bam!

Oh, right on the spit!

Man, right on the spit.

-Hold on.

-Oh, my God.

-Jeez.

-Just get f***ing naked, Wee Man.

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