Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa .5 Page #10

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- To the backdoor.

So, when I got up to

go to the bathroom,

the card reader had

a real quiet talk with Spike,

trying to determine

if he was a transvestite.

You have a very feminine

side, and you have a very...

You can do things

that men can do, too.

Really, like what?

Basically, what she

implied was, was I a man?

And Gloria's very

sensitive about that.

Gloria doesn't want

to be, like, Gloria...

Gloria's very proud

of her femininity

and even if she has certain

traits that are very masculine,

- I think that's not...

- Like her dick?

Like her dick.

He has a... He talks about big butts a lot

and I'm gonna try and be light about that

but it certainly

upsets me sometimes.

I'm tired of magazines saying

flat butts are the thing.

You know, you can do side bends or

sit-ups, but just don't lose that butt.

Well, some people

just don't have one,

so, you know, that doesn't mean

that we can't love them anyway.

My anaconda don't want none

unless you got buns, hon.

He's...

What'd you say to me last night?

I said, "Ladies."

Yeah.

- "Ladies."

- Yeah.

- "If you wanna roll in my Mercedes..."

- Yeah.

"You turn around..."

- "And stick it out..."

- Yeah.

"And even white boys gotta

shout, 'Baby's got back."'

That just seems offensive

to me, though.

You know...

Ezra? No.

- Irving.

- Irving, Irving.

Ezra Pound.

- You wanna bring out her softness.

- Yeah.

Well, you have to appeal

to that softness.

Yes.

- And then you'll get what you want.

- Yes.

You don't get it with

piss and vinegar.

I'm not into watersports.

No, no, no. You sound, you know,

your gruff, your approach sounds...

I need to be more smooth.

Exactly.

I think you fixed him.

I think you cured him and I

think if you want me to,

and only if you want me to,

I will open up my backdoor.

Well, if you feel comfortable

with that, then go for it.

I'm scared, though.

- Enjoy the ride.

- Okay.

Oh, this is a nice hat.

Suck a dick!

Gross.

Is this movie in 3-D?

I gotta wax my bunghole?

- Are you done?

- Not yet.

Film him. That's our pile director,

hung-over every morning. Trashed.

It's not a hangover anymore.

Now it's just the morning.

It's just the morning?

Cremation sounds

actually good for her.

You get a little spark around

that dried-out old crotch of hers

and it'll go up like

a fireworks stand.

What'd I say?

You okay, Javier?

Oh, he's laying a deuce.

Javier's laying a deuce.

No, Karen, she's doing it.

So, I ain't no pimp, but I know

how to seal some poontang.

I need some poontang.

You want black, white or Asian?

All of the above.

I don't know what time

it is. Do you have a...

It's hammer time.

Do you know what time it is?

- I said it's hammer time.

- Okay, do you have a clock?

- Grandpa!

- What?

Oh, let me put these back in.

Let me put my nuts in my

butt, one second, all right.

Nice to meet you.

Are you 21?

- Yes. He's, he wants to go in the casino.

- Yes, I am, sir.

You been smoking those

left-handed cigarettes, Javier?

No, no, I haven't. No, I haven't.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

There's types of the...

- Smashy-smashy!

- Oh!

He's coming close.

Child abuse!

His Kryptonite is tickling.

- You okay?

- You all right?

- What happened?

- F*** you.

So, Amanda is terrified of spiders and,

thank goodness, I just found a spider.

I mean, this is a big old mama.

Spider! Spider!

Amanda, look at the spider.

Amanda, look at the spider.

Look at the spider.

Irving is gonna walk around the

corner and enter the building.

And Chad here is helping

me stay dry from the rain.

Am I gonna be on TV with this?

No, it's a movie. It's a...

That's even worse!

Hey, stick with me, honey,

you'll be falling through silk.

Fading through silk.

Oh, my God!

- I have something to tell you.

- Y'all don't do that crap.

My name's not Gloria.

My name's Roger.

Whose D do I gotta S to get

another drink around here?

Cordell, Cordell, Cordell.

Hi, Santa!

Sorry about that, Santy Claus.

Lindsey, where's Lee?

He's working.

Oh, you f***er.

Where's Lee going later?

It's really gross.

Hey, Derek?

That feels good, too.

I'm sure.

- Lick that dome good. Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God!

Oh, dude.

Yeah, do you think

maybe too much booby?

Oh, you son of a...

I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.

Oh, Spike, you suck.

- You did great.

- That was insane.

- You did awesome.

- That was agony!

That was mayhem. It was mayhem.

I got a whole lot of nothing!

That's a wrap!

All right!

Let's go fishing!

Yeah!

Then to the bar!

Taking this guy outta the car.

That's fine.

You're not gonna have him.

You're not going anywhere, dude.

- All right.

- You ain't going anywhere.

- All right.

- Promise you that.

- You're not going anywhere.

- Okay. All right.

You're not going anywhere.

There's the cops right now.

What the f***?

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