Janis: Little Girl Blue Page #9

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like to talk to the audience.

And she would bring

the band down,

and then she would

start talking.

I can't hear ya.

She was working the crowd.

It wasn't just

that she was clean.

She had learned just

about every lesson

to be learned from the really

tough times of the year before.

She was more comfortable

about her whole life.

Having David leave her was

actually really good for her.

She spoke of him afterwards

as her lost love,

and she still

hoped that he would

come back after she got clean.

Hey, make up your mind, honey.

You're playing with me.

David, honey, daddy, listen.

I kicked, man, four months ago.

I'm on the road rocking with a

great group, so get Janis back.

She's delightfully crazy,

but I love her, man.

I've got that picture

of us in Salvador,

and every time I

look at it, I look

like a woman, not a pop star.

But I'm afraid it's too late.

I know how to be a pop star, but

I don't know how to bake bread.

But, honey, when I look at you,

this whole flood comes over me.

I love you, and I did

write, mother f***er.

Don't you yell at me.

It seems to bother a

lot of women's lib people

that you are kind of

so up front sexually.

I haven't

been attacked by anyone yet.

You know, how can

they attack me?

I'm representing everything

they said they want, you know?

It's sort of like you

are what you settle for.

Do you know what I mean?

You are only as much

as you settle for.

And, you know, if they

settle for being somebody's

dishwasher, that's their

own f***ing problem.

If you don't settle

for that, and you

keep fighting, you know, you

end up anything you want to be.

I'm just doing what I want

to and what feels right

and not settling for

bullshit, and it works.

How can they be mad at that?

Yeah, one girl I know said,

well, how come she doesn't have

any women in any of her groups?

You show me a

good drummer, and I'll hire one.

You know, show me a good chick.

Besides, I don't want any

chicks on the road with me.

You don't?

I've got

enough competition, man.

No, I like to be around men.

God bless ya, folks.

God bless ya.

It was fun getting

back together with her

on the Festival

Express because we were

all stuck in a little area.

Her yes men couldn't

contain her there.

They couldn't control

her there because she

wanted to get out and be

with her kindred spirits,

the musicians.

Are we in Calgary yet?

We're stopped.

Hey, we're in Alberta.

Alberta?

Alberta.

Alberta, don't let

your hair hang down.

I've loved you ever

sine the day I saw you.

He ain't much of a boxer.

I got to tell you.

Jerry didn't love Janis

because she was a Sports

Illustrated swimsuit model.

He loved her for what she did.

And the sparks

that she threw off,

he had a right proper

appreciation for what Janis was

and what she had to offer.

From the Kentucky coal

mines to the

California sun, Bobby

shared the secrets of my soul.

Her producer gave me a demo

of her singing "Bobby McGee."

It was so exhilarating for me

to hear her make that her song.

If you're a songwriter

and somebody

does that with what you've

got, it's the greatest

feeling in the world.

But I'd trade

all of my tomorrows

for one single

yesterday to be holding

Bobby's body next to mine.

And freedom's just another

word for nothing left to lose,

nothing, that's all

my Bobby left me.

I hear you're

making a new record.

Yeah, and

it's really going good.

I like my producer.

He's really working

out very well with me.

Who's producing it?

Paul Rothchild.

You haven't worked

with him before, huh?

No, no, I haven't.

The first time I talked

to Janis about Paul,

she said, boy, that guy.

And I said, what?

And she started

talking about him.

This is serious Janis, and I had

never heard her say this kind

of stuff about anybody.

She was talking about how much

she was learning from him.

The mood was very up.

I mean, as good as sessions

get, everybody in love

with everybody else and

working very hard, and Janis,

she was always ready

to do the most.

She was a much better singer

than the world, or even she,

knew.

Oh, we knew.

We knew there was

something here.

And that was all, really,

that whole thing was

spontaneous combustion

because she had

an incredible sense of time.

You listen to that stuff,

and like I tell you,

it's like you're breathing.

And the slowing down, and

it's like being in heaven.

What he was asking her

to do was to understand

the different voices

she had at her command.

And the ramifications

for this, for Janis,

were really profound because

she had always said...

And she absolutely

meant it... oh, man.

When I blow out my voice,

I'm going to buy a bar

and retire in Marin County.

What she was learning from Paul

was enabling her to see farther

into the future,

and that's where

Paul was looking all along.

He said, 30 years

from now, I want

you to be making

your best album,

and I want you to be

making it with me.

She called me on the

phone and she said,

I gotta play on

the phone for you

a song of Kris

Kristofferson's that I've just

recorded... to hear that

voice, to hear her pride,

to hear her excitement.

I didn't hear it

till she was gone,

and it was very

emotional for me.

Uh, I could just

hear her saying,

wait till that son of

a b*tch hears this.

You know?

You know, everything

about it was

positive for Janis,

except that she

always hated the down hours.

The Janis who says, how

come the guys in the band

go home with these girls and I

go home alone, she was saying,

you can't imagine how

hard it is to be me.

She just didn't know

who to relax with.

She just didn't know, anymore.

A lot of pressure, you've

got to do this, Janis.

You've got to do that.

That's what made it

hard for her, I think.

She loved everybody.

That was the probably.

She was like a little girl

lost, and then she would be

as strong as a mountain lion.

As far as anyone could

see, she had kicked heroin.

She had replaced

it with alcohol,

but it didn't look like

that was going to kill her.

I think she just thought,

one last little, uh, hurrah.

I can understand her wanting to.

You know, oh, no

one's ever gonna know.

I'll hang in my room, do

a hit, and then go to bed.

Paul Rothchild called me,

and he said, Janis isn't here.

Can you see if you can find her?

And I pull out of the driveway,

and I just look up there.

And I know which window

is hers, and there's

a light in the window.

And when I opened the

door, I had this really

simple and direct feeling.

Nobody's here.

I came around the corner and

saw Janis lying by the bed.

But that feeling of nobody

is here, it was right.

I was standing at the stove,

boiling an egg or something.

The radio said,

Janis Joplin, and I

knew before they got the

last consonant in her name

out that she was dead.

And I wrote a telegram to Janis

that says, um, really miss you.

Things aren't the same alone.

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