Jayson Bend: Queen and Country Page #3

And it is cold, bitterly cold,

where you'll be fighting.

Unlike the Americans, you will not

be issued with special clothing.

So get your mums to send you gloves

and jumpers and warm underwear.

This is how we ate our grub in India.

Kills all germs.

Never get Delhi belly

when your curry's this fiery.

More curry for

Sergeant Hapgood, Redmond.

No.

- No, please, please, please.

- No?

Yes. Fill his plate, Redmond.

Hapgood. Eat up.

- Young pup like you needs his nosh.

- it's hot.

No, you don't, Redmond.

Stay right here where I can see you.

You can't skive in the mess

like you did up at the centre.

Never thought

I'd live to see conscripts in my mess.

Whew!

No, you don't. Redmond, get back here.

Sophie, I need to get something straight,

something Bill told me.

I didn't believe him

because I knew you wouldn't

but when he was looking through

the window of your dorm, did you...

Did I what?

Did you...

Bare my breast?

Yes. Did you?

What do you take me for?

'- Lying sh*t.

Hang on. How did you know

I was going to ask you that?

Excuse me.

I saw you at the concert

I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I don't mean to bother you.

It's just that...

Stop apologising.

It's very unattractive.

- Yes, well...

- You sat behind me.

I could feel your eyes boring into me.

What do you want?

I'm sorry. I just couldn't get you

out of my mind.

I'm Bill, Bill Rohan, stationed at the camp.

Is it William or just Bill?

Nobody ever calls me William, always Bill.

I prefer William.

Come in, William.

You deserve a drink for courage.

So you live here?

No. No, it belongs to my aunt.

I'm just here having a nervous breakdown.

Or so they tell me.

It basically involves lying

on a couch talking about my childhood...

- Am I boring you?

- No, no, sorry.

Usually I'm studying in Oxford.

- How old are you?

- Twenty. No... Nearly 20.

And you?

An older woman.

Twenty-four.

Don't expect anything from me, William.

I'll disappoint you.

Is he coming back?

Oh, he went chasing after a girl.

And we're stuck in a milk bar

with nowhere to go.

There's a concert tomorrow.

May I take you to it?

I don't know. Maybe.

Perhaps I'll see you there,

if I feel well enough.

As long as it's not Chopin.

Too melancholic.

- Goodnight, William.

- Goodnight.

What's your name?

I didn't ask your name.

You fool. You stupid fool.

Goodnight, soldier.

Why haven't you supervised

this Sergeant Rohan?

Do you check his lecture notes?

You may recall, sir,

you have not been very supportive

in my attempts to discipline these men.

I'm not talking about

your petty infringements!

This is deadly serious!

This boy, Private Kitto,

has refused to go to Korea

because Sergeant Rohan

says it's an immoral war.

Kitto. Sounds foreign.

The boys father

is a left-wing Labour MP

and intends raising it in Parliament.

Everyone's jumpy since Burgess and

Maclean defected to Russia last year.

It's going to be all over the papers.

We have to take swift action

before MI5 come down on us.

We have to be seen to be doing something.

- Do what?

- Well,

suspend Sergeant Rohan

from duties at once, I suppose.

Pending...

There must be something

we can charge him with. But what?

May I suggest Section 35

of the Army Act, sir?

Seducing a soldier

from the course of his duty,

a court martial offence.

- Seducing a soldier?

- From the course of his duty.

- They charge you?

- Seducing a soldier.

- Seducing a soldier?

- From the course of his duty.

I'm suspended, on house arrest

pending court martial.

The major's gutless.

Bradleys a f***ing snake.

That RSM is a sadistic sh*t.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to steal his f***ing clock.

Don't do that, Percy. They'll find it.

You can't get it out of the camp.

They'll have you.

With Redmond working in the mess,

there's a way to do this.

I was supposed to meet that

girl at the concert tonight, Percy.

- Would you go and explain for me?

- What's her name?

I don't know.

You don't know her name

but you were in her house?

- Have you got her phone number?

- No.

Just go to the concert

and call out, "Message from William."

- Who's William?

- That's what she calls me.

Come on.

I'm coming.

Time for a game of billiards, isn't it, lads?

Oh, what, you learn how to play?

Percy, you're seriously deranged.

Come in.

- Did you get it?

- Get what?

- You know what.

- No, I don't.

Okay, Percy, you did it.

Now put it back.

- Never.

- Then I will.

No, you won't!

Redmond, where is it?

It was definitely here last night

when we knocked off, sir.

- Osbourne?

- Yes, sir. It's always here.

We know it's always here,

but it's not here now. Where is it?

Don't know, sir.

You are a tripe hound, Redmond,

a notorious Skiver.

When I get to the truth of this, if I

find you there at the bottom of a barrel,

in the slime where you belong,

you will wish you had never been born.

You will curse your mother

for bringing you into the world.

All ranks return to billets

and stand by your beds.

All ranks return to billets

and stand by your beds.

Barrack C, clear.

All gates secured, sir!

- Has this one been searched?

- Yes, sir.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

- What about this one?

- Not yet, sir.

Tenpence ha'penny.

Oh, God! All right.

Sixpence, sevenpence, eightpence,

ninepence, tenpence, ha'penny.

You two, search that block there.

You two, that hut.

You, search that hut. Come on.

Where are you going, Hapgood?

To my quarters, sir, to stand by my bed.

- Do you know why'?

- No, sir.

Know anything about my clock, Sergeant?

I thought you found it.

Being cleaned, wasn't it?

Do not trifle with me, Hapgood.

Now, get a move on! Go!

- All clear here, sir.

- I've found nothing, sir.

This room's clear, sir.

No, nothing, sir.

Out. Tip 'em out now.

All soldiers

whose quarters have been searched

must return to their assigned duties.

- No soldier must leave the camp...

- There you go!

Sergeant Major,

this search is most disruptive.

We must resume training.

That clock is somewhere in this camp

and I intend to find it.

Open the gate. Open.

Sit down, Sergeant.

These gentlemen are from MI5, Sergeant.

They've been studying your lecture notes.

What were your sources

for these lectures, Sergeant?

The London Times, sir'".

All this is in The Times?

Yes, sir.

Even this, "How the United Nations

Bungled the Border Demarcation"?

Yes, sir. The Times man was there

and made a detailed report.

You say that General MacArthur

may have been insane.

Not me, sir. The Times.

It's in the cuttings.

Never mind The Times.

Do you think Korea is an immoral war?

No, sir.

- You think it's a moral one?

- No, sir.

- Then what is it?

- A tactical war.

As I explained to the men,

part of the Cold War

between the two systems.

And which of these systems

do you favour, Sergeant Rohan?

- Neither.

- Neither?

- Neither.

- So you're not a Communist?

No, sir, nor a capitalist.

- Sitting on the fence.

- Yes, sir.

So why do you think

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