Jayson Bend: Queen and Country Page #8

And if I don't, I'm as guilty as you.

The problem is, you look guilty.

I don't.

- Anything you left out?

- No, nothing.

What about when you went

to the hospital to see Ophelia?

Sophie was there, wasn't she? My Sophie.

You left that out. I wonder why'?

- Didn't I mention that?

- No, you f***ing didn't.

- Where's Redmond?

- He's locked up in his cell.

For his own safety. Afraid

that I'm going to f***ing kill him.

Look, just give it back, the clock.

Let's make a deal.

We give it back, they drop charges.

- You've made that deal, haven't you?

- Of course not.

To save your own skin, you lying sh*t!

And you f***ed Sophie.

You betrayed me, your friend,

and you haven't even got the guts to fight.

I did not make a deal with

Major Cross. I denied everything!

But you did f*** Sophie?

It was a moment of madness.

Ophelia had just dumped me.

Ophelia was out of your class.

Sophie wanted you, not me.

They know what they want, women.

I'm sorry, Percy.

Well, I f***ed your sister, so we're even.

- How did you...

- Work it out? Same way as you did.

Only way to get it out of the camp.

I was complicit, sir. I...

No, he didn't. He knew nothing about it.

Sergeant Hapgood, your court martial

has been arranged for next week.

Lieutenant Fortesque-Brown,

to my right, will defend you.

In the meantime, you are under house arrest,

under the supervision of Sergeant Rohan.

Dismiss.

Shepton Mallet Military Prison.

The name is enough to strike fear

in the bravest of soldiers,

let alone a f***ing conscript.

I was Sergeant Major there for a year.

Hell on Earth, Hapgood. Hell on Earth.

How dare you take my clock!

- Have you done this before?

- Actually not.

- Any legal training?

- No.

But then, we're not expecting

to win, are we?

The best we can do is, um...

Oh, sit up, for God's sake.

The best we can do

is get some character references

to say what a good chap you are

and hope to reduce your sentence.

- Right.

- Some names?

Private Redmond and Sergeant Major Bradley.

How do I Contact them?

Redmond's on his way to Korea

and Bradleys in

a military hospital somewhere.

I'm not a fool, Sergeant.

It says here that your father

was killed in the war.

- It could help our case.

- I don't want him used for this.

I see here he was a rear gunner

in Lancaster bombers.

Very high mortality rate.

He, um, came out of a pub pissed

and fell under a truck.

They gave him the Distinguished

Flying Cross for that?

You are determined not to help your cause.

But I insist you see a psychiatrist.

Yours is not normal behaviour.

Get up off your knees.

If you want to do a runner, Percy,

I'll get you out of the camp.

Right now, tonight.

- What, and drop you in it?

- I can handle that.

- You'd do that for me?

- Yes.

- Why'?

- Why'?

Why... Why do you think?

Guilt, I expect.

F*** you.

Good luck, Percy.

Attention!

All right, let's get this over with.

This court martial is now in session.

Prisoner and escort.

Quick march. Left, right.

Left, right. Left, right.

Left, right. Mark time.

Halt.

Prisoner and escort salute.

You're accused of stealing

the regimental clock.

How do you plead?

Guilty as charged, sir.

Major Cross, prosecuting, proceed.

Sergeant Hapgood,

were you aware that this clock

was of great sentimental importance

to the regiment?

Yes, sir.

- Was this clock of value to you?

- No, sir.

So stealing the clock

was an act of deliberate malice

towards the regiment?

It was a protest against the RSM.

Why the RSM?

Because...

Because he is a sadistic bully.

You're not helping your cause, Sergeant.

Lieutenant Fortesque-Brown, proceed.

Sir, I ask the court

to hear the testimony

of Major Smythe, a psychiatrist.

I won't have a trick cyclist in my court.

The minds of soldiers belong to the Army,

not to some dubious branch

of the medical profession.

He is in attendance, sir.

Request denied.

Sir, if I may summarise

Major Smythe's opinion.

He says that Sergeant Hapgood

is claustrophobic

and living in a closed camp

has exerted unendurable pressure

on his mind.

Smuggling the clock out of the camp

was his way of relieving that pressure.

I won't have it, I tell you.

- Strike it from the record.

- Yes, sir.

Sir, respectfully, I would remind you

that Sergeant Major Bradley and others

have recently succumbed

to the pressures of this camp.

There have been two suicides

in the last quarter

and several unsuccessful attempts.

Are you a conscript, Lieutenant?

- Yes, sir.

- Enough said.

I have to process 400 conscripts

through this camp every six weeks.

We're all under pressure.

Put up with it. Get over it.

All done? Right.

- Sir, may I call Sergeant Rohan?

- What for?

Character witness, sir.

Very well.

Have your say and make it quick.

- A loyal friend, sir and...

- And what?

We did the commando training together

and he came out on top of the course.

- He could kill you with his bare hands if...

- If what?

If necessary.

Not you, sir. I meant the enemy.

Well, I don't have to be

concerned about that,

because Hapgood will be in Shepton Mallet

serving three months for stealing the clock,

two weeks for impugning the RSM

and a further month

for showing no contrition.

Sir.

Yes, of course. It goes without saying.

Sergeant Hapgood reduced to the tanks.

Very well.

This court is no longer in session.

God bless Her Majesty.

Prisoner and escort salute.

About turn.

Quick march. Left, right.

Left, right. Left, right. Left, right.

Left, right. Left, right...

Cheers!

- Sorry about your chum.

- Thank you, sir.

Your mate Hapgood brought great shame

on this regiment today.

Men like me, Sergeant Rohan,

we fought for king and country,

we fought for what was right.

But you perks, you're weak,

'cause you've got no belief,

no faith in the flag,

no grit, no guts,

no god, no self-respect.

Our country is f***ed. F***ed.

Your country, sir, but our country is not.

I said, "I'm the Skiver.

You're the one with the donkey."

You should be in f***ing Korea.

- Skived out of it, didn't I?

- Yeah, by fingering Percy.

Well, he dropped me in the sh*t

and he'd f*** you over, too,

if it suited him.

Was he coming on to you?

A uniform like that

could turn a girl's head.

He's a posh prick.

You're jealous, Bill. I'm so pleased.

Percy wanted me to let you know

why he couldn't come tonight.

Oh, the major told me all about it.

"Clever young chap

but foolhardy.

"Not worthy of you, my dear."

Going to a military prison

for four months is not funny.

It's terrible.

But it does make him a bit of a hero.

He'll like that.

Oh, don't be so pompous.

Might as well dance, since you're here.

About what happened,

what we did at the hospital.

- What was that?

- You know what.

Oh, that.

What about it?

I'm very sorry. It won't happen again.

Oh! How disappointing.

Unlock me for a minute, will you?

- I've got to get something out of my kit bag.

- Not a chance.

I'm hurt that you think

I'd run off on you, Bill.

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