JCVD Page #2

with your foot and your hand!

You're too fast for

me, I swear.

Sit down, you deserve it.

Hey!

Can't you see he

saved his life!

He saved all of us!

Jean-Claude!

He's still out cold.

What a fag.

Find a way to get

us outta here

or I'll shoot 1 per hour,

starting with our hero.

They're clueless.

We can ask anything...

like a ransom

with him as hostage.

Let's ask for a million!

A million?

Where did you see a million?

Have you even seen a million?

Where are you?

In a post office!

He's a star!

I mean, it's Van Damme!

They expect more than a mill.

We leave

with him and the cash.

So the hostages can go to the cops

once we're out!

Talkin' about a brain...

You almost got me killed!

- You realize?

- Listen...

I'd be dead!

You're not the FBI!

- I'm still the boss.

- Go to Hollywood for drama!

I work, here!

F*** your action men in black!

They're no better than us.

Let's just shoot him.

That's not our job!

We're here to save lives!

- So maybe that's what it takes.

- This isn't a war!

You're telling me

how to do my job?

Can't you just shut up?

The gendarmes are gonna show up.

Get lost!

Yeah, get outta here.

What are you laughing at?

And the kid?

The kid...

we take him with us.

Know anyone that would want to have

a dead kid on their conscience?

Yes.

Boss!

- The blood...

- Yes, Jean-Claude?

It's because of your crap.

No, I have nothing to do with this.

The SWAT team decided alone...

I swear, I wouldn't have...

- I have a list of demands.

- Yes.

You have to do something

about the kid first.

The kid,

you have to release him.

Negative.

- You have enough hostages!

- Cut the crap!

- You want the list or not?

- Yes, I'm listening.

You have enough hostages!

I want a million euros

in small bills.

Unmarked,

with different serial numbers.

I want a bus for the airport,

a jet with a full tank. Destination

to be confirmed once I'm on board.

Then, I'll release

the hostages.

You're asking a

lot, Jean-Claude.

Honestly, you realize that...

- It won't work.

- What?

I'm Jean-Claude Van Damme.

It makes no sense, it's all bullshit.

It should be less realistic.

Like what?

Wait, I have an idea.

I'll also need

Yeah.

...to be delivered by noon.

To the firm Bernstein,

Katz and Phillis...

He hung up.

What's that? A code?

No, it makes more sense.

Who are those guys?

- My attorneys in LA.

- Don't mess with me.

Dumbass.

He's in court for the custody...

Shut up!

You leave them all alone!

- Change the tone.

- Shut up.

- Watch it, OK?

- Go back!

- I'm not your baby brother!

- Go!

Look, Carradine,

I'll go when I'm ready.

Go back, your idol's coming.

Ass-kisser, get lost!

I'm staying.

Now, I'm going.

OK, then go!

He's right. A movie star

asking for a million...

it's ridiculous.

But a star asking for money

to pay for his law fees

sounds desperate.

Not bad, not bad at all.

Go back with the others.

I said, beat it!

Look at those idiots!

So:
1 + 1 = 1.

It's still you.

- It's love.

- 2 in 1.

But for us:

Then we're 'selfish',

we take money without sharing it.

But if 1+1 = 1...

Or maybe 1+1 = 11.

That's beautiful!

I just got back

from Belgium today,

I was at my mother's and...

What was the name he said,

in English?

- Bernstein.

- What?

Leon Bernstein.

We don't think horizontal,

we think vertical.

We stand straight in life.

We don't think in hours

and in seconds, it's 'neutral'.

The snake, Adam and Eve,

I don't buy it anymore.

A snake is nice.

An apple 's good, it contains pectin.

It's good for cholesterol.

Can an apple hurt a woman?

Some people failed,

because they're not 'aware'.

They don 't acknowledge

that they exist.

Poor things, they don 't know.

So, I'm 'aware', I'm awake.

What's "aware"?

You wake up

wondering what you're doing...

No, it's fine.

Dolphins use wave-lengths too,

they're smart in the sea.

We live in the earth.

They communicate,

since they don't blah-blah-blah...

Gloria, would you rather live

with your mommy

or with your daddy?

I don't wanna live with Dad.

Why, Gloria?

Every time my dad is on a TV Show,

my friends make fun of me.

- But you love your daddy?

- Yes.

But you rather stay

with your mom.

I want them to stop

making fun of me.

Thank you, Gloria.

You may be excused.

I think it's November

There's no special

requirements,

you don't have to

do any training,

You don't have to be in

any kind of good shape...

They'll put you in

shape on the shoot.

- The commission?

- Ahn?

- What's your commission?

- Normal.

No, no. The one I was...

but I'll take 8.

They'll kill my career,

those guys.

You get good money, they send me

to Bulgaria, the f***ing factory.

They're making the movie for what?

A Million dollars?...

No, no!

You're exaggerating...

With the 30% sales fee...

You're exaggerating that.

This movie is huge in Asia!

I know,

Foreign, 30%:
1.8

producing fee:

Why do you do this sh*t to yourself?

That's my job...

I get paid 4 million dollars,

how much is left for the picture?

Come on, man! That is my job.

Let me worry about that.

I would take less money

and put me in a f***ing Studio!

If they get me for free,

one movie only, for free, "Van Damme".

It's worth at least

They pay me scale,

at least I would be in a big movie

and would give me the chance...

And you have those

contacts with the Studio!

What's going on here?

Wait a minute, you're not

seeing the big picture...

No, the big picture,

you're selling packages!

Yeah, but some there's

a director involved,

and there's a cinematographer

involved, what's the matter?

Jeff, how many years you've known me?

Once in your life,

put me in a Studio!

Are you bullshitting

me or what?

I mean, I've never done bad by you!

I've always done the right thing by you!

And that's no bullshit.

Look... You're an international

f***ing movie star!

Name me another

international movie star.

You work all the time,

you're well protected...

I lost my daughter.

You're gonna get over that.

Remember Shakespeare:

"The time and the hours

through the longest day...

...everything passes "

You've gotta believe me

here, man, life goes on.

Especially in this town...

Stop it.

Stop it.

You want to

smoke a joint?

Jean-Claude, come on,

it was a joke!

Look, can't you take a joke?

Don't forget:
you start

shooting on November 10th.

I love you, baby!

Keep that mojo working!

...the check

you made bounced.

- What do you mean?

- You know exactly what I mean.

It's impossible!

If I don't get the money by noon,

I have to drop the case.

Ok, don't drop

the case.

I promise you,

I'll get the money. Ok? Thank you.

- You've been told...

- Yes, at noon. Ok, fine.

Hey, I'm a great

fan of yours!

- How are you?

- Fine and you?

- What's this? Lost in Schaerbeek?

- Going to the post office.

A quick snap for the store?

Thanks, sir!

Look, it's Van Damme!

Don't hello him.

Take the picture first.

Thanks guys.

Wait, my grandma

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