Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map

---

Jeff Dunham:
Five continents. 12 countries. 19 cities.

50,000 miles. Five characters. One dead terrorist. We're all over the map.

(Title Card)

Jeff Dunham:
Hey, guys. I just completed the longest

and biggest tour I've ever been on, and I couldn't have done it without my wife Audrey, who's travelled everywhere, or without my friend Jeff Rothpan, who's never traveled further than his own mailbox. Was I little concerned about doing shows in the Far East, and Africa, and the Middle East? No, I was a lot concerned. But the adventures all began in Iceland.

(Iceland)

Jeff Dunham:
Walter, I'm just impressed that all these folks came out for our show tonight?

Walter:
Well, don't be?

Jeff Dunham:
Why?

Walter:
Well, it's Iceland. It's not you or us. There's nothing else to do here.

Jeff Dunham:
I know you read up a little bit before we came back.

Walter:
Yeah.

Jeff Dunham:
What you read about?

Walter:
The Volcanoes

Jeff Dunham:
You read about that?

Walter:
Yeah. imagine something that can erupt at any second and destroy everything in it's path.

Jeff Dunham:
Yep

Walter:
I'll Be Darned.

Jeff Dunham:
What?

Walter:
I married a volcano.

Jeff Dunham:
You know that Iceland has one of the highest life expectancies in the entire world?

Walter:
I did not know that.

Jeff Dunham:
Especially women.

Walter:
Huh?

Jeff Dunham:
Yeah, here a woman's average lifespan

and is 90 to 100 years.

Walter:
Send my wife home immediately. What is this?

Hell on earth?

Jeff Dunham:
How do you like the food here?

Walter:
Oh, very funny. I tried some of that... what do you called that? Hakharl hacaral hakaral. You cannot speak Icelandic without moving your lips, I'm telling you.

Think about it. There's no Icelandic ventriloquist ever.

I will say, though, I think the folks of Iceland are geniuses.

Jeff Dunham:
How's that?

Walter:
They know how to keep it from getting overcrowded with foreigners.

Jeff Dunham:
How's that?

Walter:
Simply by naming the place Iceland. It sounds like you'll freeze your ass off. Plus it's easier to say than the dark long winter land where the weather is ****.

We're morons for naming our country the United States.

Sounds way too welcoming. We should've called our country crazy a**holes with guns.

Jeff Dunham:
Did you get a chance to go to a volcano?

Walter:
Oh, yes I did.

Jeff Dunham:
Did you take your wife?

Walter:
Yes, I did.

Jeff Dunham:
What'd she think?

Walter:
She kept saying the same thing over and over.

Jeff Dunham:
What?

Walter:
Stop trying to push me in.

Jeff Dunham:
On another subject you know strip clubs are also illegal here?

Walter:
Really?

Jeff Dunham:
Right

Walter:
So if i want to see a naked women i have to a six hour flight to Scotland.

Jeff Dunham:
Or there's your wife

Walter:
Oh that's true in Iceland, it legal to whale hunt.

Jeff Dunham:
That's not nice

(Cutscene)

Jeff Dunham:
So i do an interview with the Nancy Grace Of Iceland. Tough penetrating questions

Nancy Grace:
You probably have to face some criticism, how do you deal with it?

Jeff Dunham:
How do we face criticism?

Walter:
We don't care. Good thing we had to hold our own microphone this place is on a budget.

(Crickets chriping)

Peanut:
Look i don't want to start a riot or anything but i want all the hot Icelandic women to know, i'm easy, the only problem is Jeff will have to come along too.

Jeff Dunham:
I'm happily married.

Peanut:
Not my problem. Did you know that every

single city in Iceland is named after the sound a cat makes when throwing up a hair ball? I learned that.

Jeff Dunham:
That's not true. Oh? Reygoovableh. There it is.

(Cutscene)

Jeff Dunham:
My favorite person in Iceland is a guy named Halfthor, he should've been called Wholethor because he won strongest man in Iceland and in Europe, i didn't test him but i believed it, it was a little awkward walking around with the guy, because he pulls trucks, and i... have dolls. The Game of thrones right?

"Yes."

Jeff Dunham:
Who do you play in game of thrones?

"The mountain."

Jeff Dunham:
The mountain?

"In season 4."

Jeff Dunham:
Well that makes, it would be good if you were like the stick so your the mountain, and your a viking, i'm a ventriloquist, so we have nothing in common.

"No not really."

Jeff Dunham:
How far could you actually throw me?

"I could probably throw you to the water over there. You want to try?"

Jeff Dunham:
No i don't want to try.

(Back to show)

Jeff Dunham:
What do you think about Iceland?

Bubba J:
Do they have beer?

Jeff Dunham:
Yeah.

Bubba J:
My favorite place ever.

Jeff Dunham:
Even though it's named Iceland, did you

know the winters here are actually fairly mild?

Bubba J:
No.

Jeff Dunham:
Mm-hm.

Bubba j:
Oh. Guess they should have called it Chile. That's a joke Halfthor. If you eat too much will you be three quarters thor? I did a fraction.

Jeff Dunham:
That was good. Have you seen the colors

of the Icelandic flag?

Bubba J:
Uh, no, I haven't seen it.

Jeff Dunham:
There's red for the volcanic fires.

Bubba J:
Oh, that's good.

Jeff Dunham:
Blue for the mountains in the distance.

Bubba J:
Yeah.

Jeff Dunham:
And white...

Bubba J:
For the people.

Jeff Dunham:
So have you enjoyed being in Iceland?

Achmed:
I hate the volcanoes!

Jeff Dunham:
Why?

Achmed:
Things blowing up naturally, if this gets popular i'll be out of a job, if one goes off while i'm here, i'm taking credit for it. See that pile of smoke and ash? I did that. Ha Ha! Ta-da.

(Norway)

Jeff Dunham:
OK, did you know they have the oldest tree in Norway right here in Bergen.

Walter:
Fascinating. If I want to see them old wood, I'll take a Viagra. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Jeff Dunham:
Did you know the first ever ski jumper was from Norway?

Walter:
Let me guess, married and miserable?

Jeff Dunham:
So you've never been snow skiing?

Walter:
Actually, yes, once. Broke a leg.

Jeff Dunham:
Oh, I bet that hurt.

Walter:
I don't know. Wasn't my leg.

(Cutscene)

Jeff Dunham:
Norway's all about water, the fjords, i found a sea captain, who agreed to help me with the subbilities of the language.

Can you teach me to say? Um i can't find me room?

"(Norwegian speaking)

Jeff Dunham:
(Tries speaking Norwegian) Ok forget it.

(Back to show)

Jeff Dunham:
Did you know Norway's a constitutional monchary?

Bubba J:
Yeah

Jeff Dunham:
It means they have a king.

Bubba J:
So it's true, Elvis is alive.

Jeff Dunham:
No. Another thing you better not get caught driving drunk

Bubba J:
Why?

Jeff Dunham:
Well if your caught you have to spend 30 days in Jail

Bubba J:
Ooh!

Jeff Dunham:
They suspend your license

Bubba J:
Ooh!

Jeff Dunham:
And then they find you 10% of your annual income.

Bubba J:
So that would be $12. Do you know where I can buy some whiskey around here?

Jeff Dunham:
Well, in Norway you can only buy liquor from special stores called, uh, good god. Vin... how do you say it? Yeah, that.

Bubba J:
Vinemon?

Jeff Dunham:
So did you know about the midnight sun?

Rate this script:3.2 / 5 votes