Jeff Ross Roasts the Border: Live from Brownsville, Texas Page #2

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Now what happens?

We'll call Border Patrol

and they'll take them

and transport them.

Where will they sleep tonight?

They'll be at Border

Patrol tonight.

What's that, like, a jail?

It is what it is, you know?

Of course.

No. No.

He's brave, man, brave man.

Okay.

Yeah.

Buena suerte. Good luck.

Welcome.

Ross:
What a kick in the balls.

One of the most exciting

moments of their lives

was also so demeaning.

You don't think they're

going to get sent back

tonight or tomorrow?

Man:
I doubt it very seriously.

Do you ever worry about people,

or try to follow their stories?

Is that even possible?

I can't worry myself about that

because the next day

I'm going to be meeting

somebody else just like him.

I'll take you

over here, but we're

going to be real quiet,

and we're going to stay

kind of out of sight.

We're going to see where

they launch from.

There's Mexico, right there.

There's the river and the river.

You see how well-worn

that track is right there?

Yeah. They're carrying

the rafts down.

They'll raft everybody across.

They drop them here, and then

the bring them back in.

I wouldn't get too

far out in the open.

Why is that? To get

out in the open, or?

Yeah.

Well, if anybody don't

like us on that side.

Oh, I see. They're

not going to shoot?

If you say so.

Jesus.

This will make your heart heavy,

considering what these people

go through to get right here.

Well, all over the world,

there's so much scary crap

going on that you

can't blame them.

Well...

For putting their kid

in a raft and risking it...

I understand that...

...his life.

But as an American citizen,

how many people do you let in?

All of them. How

many do you support?

All of them. Look how big

this country is.

Well, those... I mean,

I'm not saying

turn your back on a lot

of these people,

but what I'm saying is,

is that we need

to tend to our own

before we can tend

to everybody else.

We are everybody else.

That's my opinion.

Those two people

are now Americans.

They're just going

to be part of our poor

that we have to take care of.

Right.

As soon as they get

here, they are us.

Ross:
I expected about 50

locals to show up at the show,

but it turns out,

everyone in town

is affected by what's going on.

Both of my parents crossed

here at the Brownsville Bridge

around 40 years

ago, give or take.

Man:
I have friends

that are from both.

They're both nationalities,

Mexican and the United States.

They go to the university

here in Brownsville.

They're afraid to go home.

They're afraid to come back

over here to go to class

because you never know when

that random pick-up will happen,

or their random deportation.

Man:
I came here with my mother.

We actually crossed

the river, you know,

just like millions of Mexicans

that come to the United States.

When I came, I felt that this

country was the best,

and I wanted to be

a contributor.

I've been in the military.

I graduated college.

I'm contributing

-- I'm a taxpayer.

So, immigration is just

welcoming people

to the land of opportunity.

Man:
Well, we were driving

by and we were wondering

what was going on,

and they told us Rick Ross...

Oh, James? Jeff Ross?

Yeah.

Man:
Brownsville, Texas,

are you guys ready

for the Roastmaster General?

Put your hands together

for Mr. Jeff Ross!

Yeah!

[ Cheering and applause ]

Que paso, Brownsville?

[ Cheering and applause ]

You really came. You came.

Thank you, everybody.

Where are my Americans at?

[ Cheering ]

We've got some hardcore,

patriotic American

people down here.

And where

are my undocumented at?

[ Cheering ]

All in favor of letting

everybody stay in America,

say, "Aye-yi-yi-yi."

Aye-yi-yi-yi!

Stick around after the show,

you guys,

because we're going to break

a pinata full of green cards

if anybody wants to play along.

Brownsville, Texas.

Look at this place.

It's like you guys got to 1958

and said, "[Bleep] it."

[ Laughter and applause ]

"[Bleep] it. We're good."

Yeah, man. I love it down here.

You know, I actually

have roots down here.

I got roots with the cartels.

That's right, I'm el

Chapo's Jewish cousin,

el Cheapo.

Brownsville is a heck

of a town, man.

You guys really...

it's a beautiful place,

beautiful people,

but it's hard here, man.

I can't imagine living in a town

with a fence running

right through my town.

I got lonely last night.

I went on Tinder,

and I swipe with somebody

on the other side of the wall.

That's the biggest [Bleep]

block in history.

I didn't let that stop

us, though.

3:
00 a.m., we met

over there by the bushes.

We both kind of pressed

up against the wall,

and I entered her illegally.

[ Laughter ]

And we had a three-way

with an armadillo.

The armadillo is here tonight.

What's up, buddy?

How you doing, man?

Look at the size of this guy.

How you doing, brother?

Wow. What are you celebrating?

Cinco de mayonnaise?

Damn. This guy.

Thanks for coming

off the wall, Humpty.

I appreciate you, man.

Where my Border Patrol at?

[ Scattered cheers

and whistles from rear ]

[ Laughter ]

Let me give the Border

Patrol a little advice.

If you want to catch

people coming into

the country illegally,

don't write "Border Patrol"

across your truck.

Write "Cold beer and free

blow jobs" in Spanish.

See if business doesn't

pick up a little bit.

Now I hear they want to add

5,000 more Border Patrol.

5,000 more, can

you imagine that?

At that point,

they won't need a wall.

They can just stand arm-to-arm

and form a human wall.

Red rover, red rover, don't

let Pedro come over.

I came down to Brownsville

because this is the front line

of the immigration war

in America right now.

I'm here out of solidarity.

I don't want people

around America to not know

how hard this struggle is,

so, you know, the situation

is very [Bleeped] up right now.

I heard yesterday, they deported

an 8-year-old Guatemalan girl

and her three kids.

[ Laughter ]

I'm all about bringing

people together.

Fences keep people apart.

Personally, I don't

think we need a wall.

I don't think we need

a wall for $21 billion.

$21 billion dollars to build

a wall right there.

For that kind of money, we could

send everybody in Mexico $1,000

to stay there.

"No come-o Estados

Unidos, por favor?"

"No problem, [Bleep]."

But on the bright side,

the Olympic Mexican

pole-vaulting team

is number one in the world

right now.

So you have this

beautiful house.

Adorable.

And you guys live there,

and then this

is your backyard, right here?

The American-Mexican

border fence.

Yes. That's weird.

Yes, it is.

How often do you catch

people coming over?

Every other day.

People and drugs.

They just throw it over.

They climb like little monkeys

with two little ropes,

and they get their feet,

and they go like this.

Then they toss it.

Then they jump over.

Is that a bushel of weed?

Yes, it is.

That's enough weed

to kill somebody.

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