Jeff Ross Roasts the Border: Live from Brownsville, Texas Page #3

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Not buy smoking it,

but by landing on your head.

What's all over the fence here?

They are handprints.

Do you ever see

women or children

trying to come over?

Yes. We do.

How would a woman or a child

even get over this?

They see the gate open,

so they'll just run out.

No one's watching

that gate right now?

No. No.

Why is it open?

Because the farmers,

when they're farming,

they go ahead and they open it.

So someone could run

through that right

now, any second?

Yes. So what the [Bleep]

is going on?

If you're fast enough,

you can be an American.

If you're fat and slow,

you're stuck in Mexico.

Yep, pretty much.

It's so strange.

Yeah.

I could do it if I had to.

This would not hold me

back if I was desperate.

Phew! It gets hot

down here, too.

Holy sh*t, man.

The heat is hard, man,

but I guess you guys

are used to it.

I've been doing my research

into this town.

It's 91 percent Latino

here -- 91 percent.

It's 8 percent gringo, like me.

So I guess that one black guy

is sick of getting

arrested, huh?

Oh, don't point to...

Oh, there he is!

What's up, dude?

[ Cheering and applause ]

It's multicultural

here today, buddy.

We got kids here?

Yeah!

Is that a little kid over there?

How old is that kid?

Woman:
He's seven months.

Seven months?

Happy anchor baby.

Did you have the kid

on the way over to my show?

What happened?

Where my DREAMers at?

[ Scattered cheering ]

So who's a DREAMer?

Us two. You two.

Because you're undocumented?

Right.

How old were you when you came?

Five.

Did you tell your mom, "Hey,

Mom, I want to go to the US

and I'm going to go

without you." No?

We didn't have a choice.

You didn't have a choice?

No. No?

I didn't find

out I was undocumented

until I wanted to enlist

in the military and I couldn't.

And the option

that the recruiter

gave me was like,

"Well, you can marry me,"

because some people want to take

advantage of the situation.

But I don't want to do that.

I don't want to marry

because of that.

And it's like,

is that my only option?

And I know that it's reality

to a lot of women like me

because we, in a way,

we don't have a voice

because we don't have

a security number.

We can't vote.

We can't do a lot of things.

She wants to go to college.

She wants to help

out the American economy,

the American community.

She's an American.

She wasn't born on this

side of the river,

but she's an American.

Ross:
Our president has

dropped any protections

that keep these kids

from being deported.

But where would they go?

They've never lived

anywhere else.

Even some of his supporters

think that's [Bleep].

They've got a right to be here.

They do?

It wasn't their choice

to come to the U.S.

Yeah. They didn't break the law.

It was their parents' choice...

Their parents broke the law.

...that brought them here.

As far as I'm concerned,

they're part of our society.

Ross:
Back in the day, we used

to let everybody in, man.

That's how America was.

If you made it to Ellis

Island, Statue of Liberty,

we might make you wait

on line for a couple days,

and we might give you a new

name when you got there,

but you go

in the country, right?

"I am [imitating Yiddish]."

"All right:
'Sharon Goldberg'.

Welcome to America. Come on."

Where would we be

without immigrants, man?

This country would be not

anything like it is now.

Immigrants help build

this country, you know?

[ Cheering and applause ]

Think about it.

Without the Irish immigrants,

we would have no AA.

[ Laughter ]

Without the Asian immigrants,

we'd have no happy endings.

Without the Jews, nobody

would've invented complaining.

And without the Italian

immigrants,

crime would still

be disorganized.

"Giuseppe, why do

you keep robbing

the same bank every day?"

"I'm sorry, Don Fanucci.

I'm not organized."

Yeah.

We're a nation of hypocrites

because the used to force people

to come to this country.

Shout out to the black

dude with the shitty seat.

[ Applause ]

We kidnapped people in Africa

and forced them

to immigrate to America.

The most messed up thing

we could possibly do, we did it.

Black people overcame that.

They got their rights.

They added so much

to this country.

I mean, jazz, and hip

hop, and Air Jordans,

and perhaps the greatest

president of our time,

Bill Clinton.

[ Laughter ]

But you guys, man,

the Mexican people.

We need to keep

the Mexican people

and bring Mexican

people to America

because you're the best

business people in the world.

Mexican people took

four ingredients

and turned it into 40,000

restaurants.

And guacamole is extra!

I love people. I'm

the son of a caterer.

I love parties, a fiesta.

I want everybody

to come in, you know?

And we have to learn

from our mistakes

in this country

because back in the day,

when the Jewish people

wanted to escape the Nazis,

we sent them back.

And now these Syrian

refugees want to come here,

and people say,

"No. We can't absorb the Syrian

refugees. We're not big enough."

We are big enough.

We're a huge country.

We can absorb everybody

that wants to come here.

And I'll prove it.

A hundred and something

years ago,

Norway, the country

of Norway, right?

One day, nine percent

of the population

of Norway said,

"[Bleep] this 'Game

of Thrones'-ass,

cold-ass Norway."

And they came

to the United States.

Four generations

of Norwegians in America.

I have yet to meet

one of these mother[Bleep].

They're not... Where

my Norwegians at?

[ Man whoops ]

One lying Mexican in the back.

[ Laughter ]

Anybody here from Matamoros?

That's cool.

So you walked over the bridge

to come to my show, bro?

I love that, man.

Somebody told me Matamoros

is the fastest-growing

city in Mexico.

You know why?

I think I know why.

Because Mexicans

love to [Bleep].

We're crossing into Mexico.

Matamoros, which is the sister

city to Brownsville.

Essentially, one community

separated by the river

and connected by bridges.

Matamoros is on the U.S.

State Department list

of places Americans

should not visit.

Mucio:
Yes.

There has been a reshuffling

of the cartels.

So they've been going

after the kingpins,

and what that has

caused is power vacuums

that allow other cartels

to step in into territories.

So what you're seeing right now

is spike in violence

and murders.

It's not place that you

would want to come and visit.

Okay, why are we going?

We're going to go meet

with a group of migrants

who have been deported

from the United States.

You've been deported, huh?

[ Interpreting in Spanish ]

Si.

From where?

You were working there? Roofer.

Roofer? Yeah.

Hard work. Yeah. Hard work.

So, what, do they just find

you, or they just grab you,

or how do they know

where you are?

You have children?

I have two. Two?

And they're in America?

Wow. What's going to happen now?

When will you see your family?

[ Mucio interpreting

in Spanish ]

Ross:
That's terrible.

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