Jersey Girl

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Destroy the Earth.

Coming in for a landing.

Hey, what is going on here?

-I didn't do it on purpose.

-Yes, you did.

No. Jason, we don't hit.

You got to use your words.

Come on, I want to hear you

use your words. Go ahead.

I think what you did was wrong.

Friends don't do that to each other.

Sorry.

Can you guys shake hands?

You guys are good.

All right, I'm out of here,

and I want you to play nicely, okay?

-Okay.

-All right. Bye.

What do you think, pretty face?

Am I dynamite in this, or what?

You actually bought that?

Yeah, I actually bought it.

You think they give shirts like this away?

It took $46. If you don't like it, who cares?

Don't look.

No. I like it.

You do? You're sure?

-Otherwise I could take it back.

-No, I'm positive.

It's great on you, Pop. They're your colors.

Yeah, that's what I figured. The colors.

It makes me look like a young Tony Bennett.

Only handsomer.

And thinner.

Pop, my sink's still leaking.

Can you stop over?

Now that you're such a big shot

living alone, fix your own sink.

At my age, I should be living alone.

-And at your age you should be--

-What?

-Nothing.

-What?

-I didn't say anything. What did I say?

-Don't start with me, okay?

I'm not starting. You're starting.

But...

seeing that you brought it up...

there's this guy I met. His name's Gino.

Terrific guy. He's an apprentice plumber.

I tell you, he's got a head on his shoulders.

He's gonna have his own shop someday.

-Does he speak English yet?

-He's learning.

That's good, Pop. Keep them coming.

So, want to stay

and play poker with us tonight?

I can't. I'm meeting the girls.

How come you're always meeting the girls?

How come never a guy?

And how come my sink leaks

when my father's a plumber?

-See you, Pop.

-Yeah, see you.

-You look good tonight, Ange.

-I do, right?

Yeah, I like that shirt.

-I got this at Rassini's.

-You did? How much?

-$13.99.

-No way.

-I can't believe you shop there.

-What's wrong with Rassini's?

-Nothing, if you like cheap clothes.

-They have the same stuff as Stardrift's.

-They have the same exact stuff, Cookie.

-You guys don't know how to shop.

-You probably have no money in the bank.

-I don't. Everything I own is on me.

You shop the way you shop,

and then we'll shop the way we shop.

Wholesale or no sale.

You're so cheap.

I told her no French fries. I'm on a diet.

You hear that, Toby? Angie's on a diet.

No French fries,

but half a barbequed chicken is all right.

You're so special, Cook.

Did I tell you

how nice your roots are looking?

Cook, the mustard.

-What?

-It's all over you.

Put club soda on that.

You know what club soda gets out?

Club soda.

No, it works. Club soda works.

Miss, could we have club soda here, please?

Jeez, Ange, I don't think

enough people heard you.

Excuse me. What is wrong, Toby?

Every Friday night we go to the same place,

with the same people.

We eat the same garbage food.

The last guy I made love to forgot my name.

There is something desperately wrong

with my life.

Come on, Toby,

you'll feel better in the morning.

If you don't, just give it a couple of days...

then something really bad will happen...

and then you'll forget all about this feeling.

Is that supposed to

make me feel better, Dottie?

It always works for me.

-Ange, see this guy?

-Who is this?

I don't know. Just some guy.

But there's thousands of them in Manhattan

and none in Jersey.

This is the kind of guy that doesn't

eat in front of the sports page, Cookie.

This is the kind of guy

who remembers your name.

He doesn't forget your anniversary.

He writes you love notes,

plans special things for you to do.

I love the way

these guys look at these girls...

like they're the most unique things

on the planet.

That's 'cause they are.

They're 5'11", and they weigh 100 pounds.

So what?

-I want them to look at me that way.

-Toby, will you get real?

These guys are out of our league.

They go out with model-actress types.

If you were an uptown kind of guy,

would you want one of us?

Depends if you want a good blowj*b or not.

-That's not what I'm talking about.

-We know what you're talking about.

What we are talking about is real.

What you are talking about is nuts.

Don't worry. He'll show up.

I don't think he's gonna show here, Dottie.

I think I gotta go find him.

Toby, I know where I'd be

if I was a cool guy.

-Yeah, where?

-lnside a cool girl.

Aren't you guys sick of guidos running

around in guinea tees, driving Camaros?

-Doesn't that make you sick?

-No.

What do you want? Some guy

from Manhattan driving a Mercedes?

You think that will make you feel better?

-Yeah, maybe.

-So go cruise a car lot.

While you're at it,

you can polish your fender.

Maybe I will.

-Come on, you're not serious.

-I'll do something.

She's serious.

-What's wrong with meeting a guy that way?

-Nothing.

Not if you're the most beautiful girls

in the world, which we are not.

Actually, maybe I am.

Hello. May I help you?

No, I'm just looking around. Thanks.

This is stupid. I've seen enough. Thank you.

Stupid idea. I'm over it now.

Don't do this to me, all right?

Goddamn it!

Thank you.

Excuse me, can you move your car forward

so I can get by?

Hello?

Can you move your car forward

so I can get by?

Sure, no problem.

No! Forward!

Sorry.

Never mind. I'll go around you.

Excuse me!

Could you please tell me

how to get to the....

What? I'm not from around here.

I don't know.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Are you okay?

Come on. You sure?

Sit down until you're really sure.

-Come on, breathe. You all right?

-Yeah.

-You okay?

-I'm fine.

-Jesus. I can't even look.

-I'm sorry.

-That's all you can say, "I'm sorry"?

-I'm really sorry.

Do you have any idea

what kind of damage you just did?

My insurance will cover it.

Except I don't have any insurance anymore

since they raised my rates.

How about I pay you $20?

$30 a month, you know.

$30 a month?

What are you talking about?

It's a brand-new car.

It's supposed to last 20 years, and in

You don't have to keep screaming at me,

you know. I said I was sorry.

You're fine, right?

No broken bones, no pains anywhere...

no internal bleeding, anything like that?

I'm just so embarrassed.

-Where are you going?

-I have to get it towed, don't I?

Don't you want to exchange

phone numbers?

Hi.

Are you some kind of nightmare

or something?

I stayed 'cause I felt bad, okay?

Can I give you a ride?

In the car with you?

I'd be dead in five minutes.

I can drive carefully.

-No, thanks. I called a cab.

-You're not from Jersey, are you?

-No, why?

-Because I was gonna say...

that cabs in Jersey take four or five times

longer than they say it's gonna take.

It's a big problem we have here in Jersey.

But it's fine if you want to wait.

That's no problem.

I've got the afternoon free.

I'm gonna hang with you.

What are you looking at?

-You.

-Why?

I want to know who you are,

what you do and stuff.

I'm a guy. I got a job.

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