Jeruzalem Page #2

- [LINE RINGING]

It's nice.

It's disgusting!

- Nasty!

- It's bitter.

Whatever, fine.

Hi, sweetie.

Oh, sh*t. Sorry, Dad.

I forgot it was nighttime.

No, it's okay.

I'm glad you called.

Have you landed?

Are you in Tel Aviv?

Actually our plans

are kinda changed.

We're heading

to Jerusalem now.

Is that okay?

Should I be worried?

- No.

- Hi, Mr. Pullman!

- Hi.

- No, no, don't worry.

Everything's fine.

Kevin, does that make

your mouth burn?

- My whole mouth is...

- Oh, my God, it's so gross.

- It's disgusting.

- Close your mouth.

This is so disgusting.

This is a big big graveyard,

very old.

- Got a lot of dead people here.

- A lot.

This is the entrance

of the city. A graveyard.

Very symbolic, ah?

You see, we have a beautiful,

beautiful tradition

of killing each other.

[LAUGHING]

KEVIN:
This is Damascus Gate.

- [BELL TOLLING]

- Oh, wow.

Kevin, we're going straight

to the hostel, right?

Yeah, we are.

RACHEL:
What are those,

cigarettes?

- Oh, what is that?

- Rache, cool it.

Look at all that. Wow.

Hey, kid.

What do you want?

No, no. Sorry, you can't

have my glasses.

Too expensive.

RACHEL:

Look at these these colors.

Look at the little guy

leading the way.

Where are we going,

little guy?

Hey, buddy, wait up.

KEVIN:
I don't know. It was

supposed to be here somewhere.

Glass, open navigation.

Okay, take a right.

- [COINS JINGLING IN CAN]

- [MAN SPEAKING HEBREW]

Keep walking.

I love America!

- Just ignore him.

- Keep walking.

I am David.

King David.

If you need guide,

I am your man.

The best in the town.

- No, thanks, we're good.

- We're fine.

Oh, my God.

Is he for real?

- God, the heat is killing me.

- I feel old.

- I think it's here.

- This place?

- Yeah, this is it.

- Watch your head.

Seems like people

used to be smaller.

Unbelievable.

- Wow.

- Whoa.

- Hey, guys.

- Cheers, mate.

Let's go up.

- Heaven!

- Totally.

Let's go.

Glass, take a picture.

- Cute ass.

- What?

What? Nothing, nothing.

- Hey.

- Hello.

- Salam alaikum.

- Hello.

Welcome.

Welcome, my friends.

Sit, please.

I'll be right with you.

Thank you.

Omar! We have a guest.

- I'm coming!

- Omar!

Glass, take a picture.

[BELL DINGS]

Oh, my God.

Told you this place is nice.

Yeah, looks amazing.

Hello, sir.

[SPEAKING ARABIC]

I'm sorry.

I don't speak...

Grandfather says you bring

the smell of innocence.

Thanks, I think.

Oh, my God. I'm so thirsty.

You don't mind, do you?

Thanks.

Jesus, my feet hurt.

Oh, God, Rache.

No, don't do that.

[SPEAKING ARABIC]

SARAH:
What did he say?

She brings the smell of feet

after two weeks in the desert.

- [LAUGHTER]

- Thanks.

You two are very, very

beautiful, but this I say.

- Cold lemonade. I squeeze.

- Thanks.

Actually it's

the very high season now

so you'll need to be

in the room upstairs.

Actually they are much better

because of the view.

It's 100 shekels each,

but you get free Wi-Fi.

- [OMAR SPEAKING ARABIC]

- SARAH:
Bye, Kevin.

- See you later.

- See you later.

- Sure.

- Bye.

What?

And because you two

are so beautiful,

I upgraded you to the ultra

premium turbo deluxe suite.

- Wait and see.

- Sweet!

- Yes! All right.

- Voila!

What?

Are you kidding me?

- You like?

- This is your premium suite?

- Thank you, Omar.

- Yeah, thank you, Omar.

Your hostel is, well, lovely.

- What is this?

- A tip.

Ah. No way, Jose.

But if you insist, I will let

you buy Omar a beer tonight.

Okay, well, only if you take us

to a really, really cool place.

But only if you dance with Omar.

Sure, but only if Omar promises

to get us the best hash in town.

Ah, you will wait and see.

Omar will give you...

party time.

- Party time?

- What?

Enjoy your stay!

Thank you!

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

This is hysterical.

- Oh, my God, I'm so tired.

- Me too.

Maybe just a quick nap and

then we're off to hit the town

with your new blond boyfriend.

Glass, what time is it?

Rache?

Rache?

Rache?

Kevin?

Where is everybody?

[DISTANT MANDOLIN]

Kevin?

Rache?

Excuse me, sir.

Sir?

[GASPS]

Oh, God. Hi.

Hi, pretty one.

He plays so beautifully.

He plays to calm down

the demons.

The bad spirits.

Bad spirits? Wow.

We have a lot

of superstitions here.

Do you believe?

Me? No. I'm old school.

I believe in science.

You are stupid...

but beautiful.

Excuse me?

[SCOFFS]

That was weird.

WOMAN IN ABAYA:
Hey. Pssst!

Come.

SARAH:
Can I help you?

WOMAN:
Come.

- What?

- This way.

- Your friend is in trouble.

- What did you say?

- Your friend is in trouble.

- My friend?

What happened to her? Hey!

- Hey, come back here.

- Hurry.

- Where is she?

- This way.

What?

Wait a minute.

Hey.

Pssst!

- Will you stop for a minute?

- Come!

- What?

- This way. Hurry.

Hurry. Come on.

This way.

What do you want?

To do the funky chicken dance.

What?

What the...

- What the f***?

- [LAUGHING]

- Oh, my God!

- Rache!

You should have

seen your face!

Oh, my God, I'll kill you,

you b*tch.

- You scared the hell out of me.

- Come on!

- How long can you sleep?

- Rachel, slow down a second.

You have no idea.

This place is crazy.

We're right next to the market,

and there's a ton of cool sh*t.

Okay.

Are you ready?

- Oh, wow.

- Check it out.

- No way.

- I know!

Look where we are!

It's insane.

- Oh, my God.

- KEVIN:
Sarah! Come join us.

- Isn't it crazy?

- It's amazing.

Not bad, ah?

You can see everything

from here.

This is temple northern Al-Aqsa.

Next to it is

the Armenian quarter.

This is the Jewish quarter.

And we are in

the Muslim quarter.

A church next to a synagogue,

next to a temple,

all stuck together.

No wonder you all

hate each other.

Sarah!

Well?

What do you say,

white boy?

This Lebanon hashish not the

poopoo stuff you smoke America.

- [COUGHS]

- [LAUGHS]

Man, I smoked some sh*t

in my life,

but this is something else.

Hey, but take it slowly.

I don't want you to go in

the flip side, okay, white boy?

[ARABIC]

Come on!

Shake it, Sarah.

- Just one more puff.

- [LAUGHTER]

Come on, shake it.

There you go.

- There you go.

- Shake that ass.

KEVIN:
Sh*t, I'm stoned.

[SARAH GIGGLES]

RACHEL:
So where are we

going now?

OMAR:
Well, I think someone

owes me a drink.

KEVIN:
Wait. Aren't you Muslims

not allowed to drink alcohol?

OMAR:
Everybody has

his own score with Allah.

- But don't tell my father, ah?

- Don't worry.

Get ready! Omar is taking you

party tonight!

Jerusalem style!

RACHEL:
Ooh, Jerusalem style.

Hey, guys, wait up.

I'm just taking a picture.

- See. Omar?

- Glass, take picture.

Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Come back here!

Come back here!

Give me my bag!

[PANTING]

Sh*t!

Sh*t!

Stop! Stop!

Come back here, little sh*t!

[PANTING]

Help!

Come back here, you f***er!

[BOY LAUGHS]

F***!

[PANTING]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

Oh, my God.

Ohh...

F*** you, a**hole!

[DOG BARKING]

Oh, my God. Sh*t.

I can't believe that f***er

stole my bag.

Okay, enough with the sour face.

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