Jez Jerzy

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- I need those samples, fast!

- Yes, professor.

Reading sample.

Analysis completed.

Project "idol"ready

for implementation.

Genetic material needed.

Visualisation of the perfect donor

in progress.

What the f***? A hedgehog?

You heard what the computer said.

We need to provide genetic material.

Where the hell am I supposed

to find a hedgehog in this city?

George the Hedgehog

Is this the kind of law you need?

The young are allowed everything

and the old nothing?

Hey you, what's in the bottle?

Hey kid!

No, no need for that, really, no.

That's the kind of youngster

I support.

Luckily nobody got hurt.

Thank god that I was in the area.

Jeez, those people, what a day.

Professor,

I have found a perfect donor.

- A hedgehog?

- Yes. A hedgehog.

So what are you waiting for?

Get him!

Tofu in 5 flavours, please!

One tofu for the gentleman.

Oh sorry, I don't have change.

Please, follow me to the back.

I have change there.

Woohoo! Boys!

I thought of you because

I haven't had anything

- on my mouth for ages

- Good eewening, madam.

F*** me!

- With pleasure:
Call me Lilka.

- Got some change?

Why? For that dough you can

get much more,

Take me to the candy shop,

let me lick your...

George?

Honey, what are you doing

in such company?

What company?

- This 100, I was just about to...

- Pardon me, the rate is 150.

The lady asked me if I could

break a 100 and I can't... so f*** it.

You wanker, you're a pig,

not a hedgehog!

Huh, how's things anyway?

I'm cruising around town

with my girlfriends.

And that pansy of yours is probably

the chauffeur, right?

He might be pansy

but he's still my husband.

Kris is rocking

at a concert while we speak.

Kriss Kross... huh, huh.

So? Coming or not?

Unless you have something better to do?

What the hell, why not?

Girls!

Evening beautiful ladies,

how are you doing?

Make some room,

this guy can sting.

- Whose ride is this?

- What do you mean? It's Michael's.

- Who's Michaels?

- Michael,

- the mega-artist from the States.

- You're standing on him right now.

No!

Stefan darling?

Did you have nightmares again?

Would you like some cocoa?

How about a sandwich?

Not enough butter... old witch...

Marian! Check this out!

God! What a great sight!

- See you later girls!

- See you G!

You're tickling, huh.

- Hello? Who's this?

- Me.

- Theresa?

- What Theresa?

Oh, it's you, assistant.

Have you collected

the genetic material yet?

- No. Not yet.

- So what are you waiting for?

Think of something!

I remember you always missed

your deadlines as a student.

Mountains, lakes, the sea.

This country has everything it takes

to be great

And I can't even afford a beer.

F***.

- Maybe it's because

we don't have a canyon? - What?

A canyon, you know -

a big hole in the ground.

The States have a great big hole

and they are great aren't they?

It's not a matter of holes

in the ground!

You know what is Poland's

biggest problem?

Aliens, who drink our blood,

steal the land of our fathers

- and disgrace our women.

- You mean those aliens?

I have scratches all over me.

Aliens like him?

- Exactly.

- What shall we do?

What do you think?

Beat the sh*t out of the hedgehog

and then we'll shave

the traitor of our race.

Hey, and why are we so shaven,

actually?

Are you coming, you f***?

White power, white power

Can you feel it?

- Hey you, baldy!

- What?

Ouch...

Thanks,

I would have managed on my own.

I also manage on my own,

but it's better

to do certain things together.

What?

What's going on here?

Please, stop immediately!

You're kissing my wife around

the area of her lips.

Don't worry, Kris.

Don't tell when to worry

and when not, woman!

I'm about to get really angry and

you'll regret it, unfaithful.

How dare you?

This gentleman really saved me from

these thugs! And you? What have you done?

- Really?

- Mrs. Yola almost fainted

When she witnessed

the violence that unfolded.

- I had to perform mouth-to-mouth.

- What would you like to say about that?

I'm terribly sorry.

I don't know how

to express my gratitude.

Chill out. Just sponsor

a brew and we're even.

Cheers, Kriss Kross.

She had great b*obs.

- Almost like my sister.

- I've seen better.

Oh yeah? Where?

- Who the hell are you?

- Can't you see?

He's a jedi.

What times do we live in, eh?

One cannot feel safe

in his own country.

Gents, would you like to do something

for Poland

and get rid of the hedgehog and

at the same time make loads of money?

F***, what is this shithole?

Maybe it's a matter of lighting?

Whom have you brought me, assistant?

Professor, let me introduce:

Stefan und Zenek.

Welcome to my temple,

travelers craving knowledge.

Temple? I'm warning you,

if this is some kind of mason sh*t...

Let's get inside,

we'll explain everything there.

See? I told you it's

a matter of lighting.

Impressive, right?

No, you don't have to answer.

The older I get the greedier

for compliments I become.

Ok, old man, cut the crap

And tell us what

to do with the hedgehog.

You seem ready for action, boys.

I used to teach at a university

My students were boys like you.

- Are you interested in biology?

- No f***in' way.

Exactly.

Wait a minute,

that gentleman promised us money.

OK. There will be money but first

You need to collect

a DNA sample of George the Hedgehog.

I won't spank the hedgehog's monkey!

All we need is some needles,

some blood

and a smear from

the inner side of his cheek. That's it.

Once you've collected it,

You have to eliminate the hedgehog.

He'll get such an ass kicking

that he'll be sorry to live.

I think we've misunderstood ourselves.

You have to kill him.

- What do you mean, kill him?

- Just like that, until he's dead.

It's just a hedgehog after all.

Beer, flowers, Beer, flowers,

Beer, flowers, f***.

Buying anything or you gonna

keep on prayin' like this?

Just a sec. I'm wondering what gift

to buy for my girlfriend.

With that money

you can afford three roses and a brew.

And if she's less of a classy lady then

buy one rose and a quarter of vodka.

Of course we want a brew.

Two brew in fact. And one rose.

Thief!

Beat the skinheads!

Zenek! Now! Give him a nibble!

Are you guys out of your damn minds?

I'll have to go to the vet now.

- I've got the blood.

- And I've got the spikes.

We rocked.

Years of work.

Years of sacrifices.

At last!

People used to laugh

at me and my research...

No, it wasn't easy but we managed.

He yelped like a dog.

At the end I gave him such a Glasgow

kiss that all his needles fell off.

- Was there a lot of blood?

- Like in a butcher's house.

And what have you done

with the body?

It worked, gentlemen!

This is the most incredible

experiment of my life!

Once I met aliens from outer space.

And for me, that was the most...

Daddy?

- How the f*** did he just get here?

- The sh*t has hit the fan.

Stefan, do something.

"George calling"

Yola! Long time no see.

How's things? When can we meet?

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