Jez Jerzy Page #2

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What will the opponent do?

In ten minutes outside

the building, ok?

Kris, darling,

I'm popping out!

What? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Phenomenal move on the horse!

- Damn! Check mate.

- I can see the coach running to him.

They are so happy!

They've waited for that

for so many years.

This is not George, you idiots!

It's a clone!

- Do you know what a clone is?

- Aftershave.

Clone-my-ass. Looks like a hedgehog

so it will get its ass kicked

- like a hedgehog.

- It's a hen that lays golden eggs.

It's a metaphor, of course

not like the ones at your

family's place in the countryside

The hedgehog has a potential

- That you wouldn't even dream of,

morons. - Oh yeah? I have potential too.

- Why don't you clone me?

- Very funny.

We've collected lots of data.

The calculations took months.

Finally, the computer produced:

A hedgehog.

If he's so damn cool

why did you tell us to whack him?

He had one key defect,

we couldn't control him.

The clone is a different story.

The clone, if it's steered

in the right direction

Can become the biggest

money-making machine

Since Michael Jackson!

Zenek, please wipe Mr.

Clone's nose.

- Years of work. Years of sacrifices.

- Not now, professor.

First of all we need to think

of a good strategy.

There goes your f***ing hedgehog.

- Shall we move on to some sweet lovin'?

- Maybe we can order something first?

- OK. Sweet dessert for a start?

- Get me the Gondolier's cone, ok?

You're so high maintenance, girl.

Oh, got any dough, by the way?

Just kidding...

Wow, a fun park!

Jesus, what's wrong with you?

Got hammered again?

Get off me! What are you doing?

Don't be embarrassing.

What an animal.

People are watching.

Yola, what's wrong?

What are you on about?

Where are you going?

Yola, wait up!

Stop, in the name of love!

- There he is!

- What the hell?

Enough for now.

Let's get back to the lab.

Come, son.

Daddy will comfort you.

Damn junkies.

Who the hell was that dude?

Yoohoo! Hedgehog.

Time to go home.

Damn clone.

Get out you creep, or else!

Get out or it's going to hurt!

Damn you! You've crossed the line.

You just wait, damn it! I'II...

What?

Nice, they really did good

on that one.

Got you,

motherfucking cutie pie.

You won't run away!

Stefan, look.

That's not good.

If they find out that we didn't kill him

Then there's no way we'll get

the money.

Ok, we beat the sh*t out of him

and hide him in the bin.

Quick, turn around.

Stefan!

There you are? Got you!

What do we have here, Samantha?

Sir, the animal has no leach,

no muzzle.

That's a penalty ticket.

I'm terribly sorry.

Next time, I won't let them run

around without a muzzle.

Hold it!

I see a fool with a devil

riding on a chariot...

Into the car, move it!

Really,

they are more stupid than I thought.

If your life falls apart,

call your politician for a new start

What would you have done without me?

I guess they kicked

your head pretty hard.

I'll take you home.

Again?!

Don't ever call me again.

My son has mastered multiplication!

Ergh, well done Professor.

Multiplication-my-ass,

you've f***ed it up!

- The hedgehog has survived!

- Dude, take it easy.

- We couldn't find his pulse,

honestly. - Silence!

From now on you're doing

everything my way, understood?

Or else get the f*** out!

Is that clear?

- Yes sir!

- Is that clear?

Yes sir!

Honey, we have a visitor -

your hero.

- Good day madam.

- The gentleman that saved you.

Get this creep out, Kris.

- But we haven't finished the game yet.

- Be a man for once!

I want this hedgehog out of my house!

- I guess it's time for you.

- Yola!

Oh, you know how it is,

When she has THOSE days

It's impossible

to speak human to a human.

Out!

Yola, I mean Mrs.

Yola, what's wrong with you?

You should come later.

We'll play a game of chess,

talk, have a laugh.

See, I kicked him out, woman.

- And now, gimme a sucky sucky.

- What am I supposed to do?!

Cup of tea. Cup of tea, please.

The European hedgehog hunts at night

and loves all sorts of snails

and rotten fruits.

Among the rattling forest leaves

a handsome female appears.

The hedgehogs then run around

for several hours until they reach

an orgasm.

There you go!

Yep, it's all over now.

And then I told her... you know.

You will never walk alone!

Poland will be

the champion of Poland!

Yola calling

Hello?

What's up George?

I mean, how's things?

I'm more interested in

how things are with you, Yola.

Yola? Yola, I'm here!

Yeah, we have to meet, you know.

- And sort everything out.

- I have nothing to sort out.

I'll explain everything when we meet.

How about tonight

under the Poniatowski bridge?

Where? Under the bridge?

Yeah, I have to be... careful.

- My husband, Karl, got so suspicious.

- Karl? You mean Kris?

Yeah, sure. Did I say Karl?

So? Will you come or not?

Please!

Please, please.

OK. I'll be there.

Mission completed.

I dig your toys.

Yola?

Served on a golden platter.

We'll crush you!

Freedom!

F***ing hell.

Give it here.

Why do I have to do everything

on my own?

Throw him into the river.

What are you waiting for?

Help me. Go on.

Stefan, can hedgehogs swim?

Camera stop! Cut!

Wipe the vomit. Second take.

He's strong, intelli...,

ehm, very strong.

And funny.

And his name is:

Gheorghe the HeedgehAg, Fak it!

George the Hedgehog -

the new hero of the youth.

Visit our website and buy a t-shirt.

Perfect!

Our creation was seen by

half a million internet users already!

Nobel Prize, at last!

Soon, thanks to that clone,

we'll make millions.

You mean that cologne

that has just left?

- Where is he?

- One second.

Where would I go if I was him?

SEX SHOP:

The suspect was caught

in a rapid police action.

The level of damages caused

By the criminal is as yet unknown.

The estimated numbers point to

hundreds of thousands.

We got access to important

CCTVrecordings.

These are drastic images

only for mature viewers.

And I played chess with him!

I hope they will teach him in jail

How to behave in the civilized world.

It was a black day for

the pink business.

And the whole plan got f***ed.

- Shut up you idiot. - Yes?

- Not everything is lost yet.

I got a year of probation

for less serious sh*t.

Years of work.

Years of sacrifices.

- So we won't be millionaires?

- Let me think, damn it!

If your life falls apart,

call your politician for a new start

- Congressman, someone to see you.

- Come in.

Good day, sir.

I have a delicate matter to discuss.

Start talking.

I represent the world-reknown

international company

Media Politics Creative

Consulting Strategy President.

Me too, punk.

Mind saying that in English?

Our company is carefully observing

the most promising

politicians on the globe.

Among them,

we've been watching you.

You're suggesting that

I'm promising most to people?

Who said that?

You got that on record?

I meant the most hopeful politicians.

Simply:
The best ones.

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