Jingle All the Way Page #4

Back up!

Come on, buddy.

Give me the package.

-Let's have it.

-Did you call me buddy?

I'm not your buddy!

I tried to be your teammate! Your

friend! But no, you had other plans.

I had no plans.

You are no different than the rest!

Those letter-writers who make fun

of my knee socks in the summer!

Are you laughing at me?

No, Lord, no. Not at all.

Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you!

I know your kind!

You put a trash can in front of the

mailbox so I gotta get out of my jeep.

No! I recycle.

-Shut up!

-Yeah, shut up!

Why's the window there?

So I can just put the mail in!

But you act like everything's okay!

Hey, Mr. Mailman!

Like I have no feelings of my own!

Hit the deck!

I'm sorry.

I've been under pressure.

Don't hit me! I got sickle cell!

Are you under the impression I have a

Turbo Man doll here in the studio?

-Yes.

-That's what you said on the radio.

-Yes, you did.

-No, no!

What I actually said was whoever won

would get a doll...

...eventually.

You see, what we have here...

...is a gift certificate.

A gift certificate?!

Right.

A certificate for a doll when

they get some in the stores.

-Did you call the cops?

-Kind of.

Let's get out of here.

But I'm first!

Better luck next time, loser!

Freeze!

Just can't stay

out of trouble, can you?

Don't hurt a fellow civil servant.

All this violence!

It's Christmas, and I was

just delivering some...

Back up! This is a

homemade explosive device.

I'll blow it up!

I work for the post office,

so you know I'm not stable!

Tell them!

This man is totally insane.

Thank you! Now put the guns down.

Now!

Brother, put your gun down!

Everybody!

You too, Barnaby Jones.

Just stay there.

I'll know if you move, because I have

the ear of a snake!

Ciao, baby.

You shouldn't touch that.

Relax, Sparky...

...I was on the bomb squad

for 10 years.

I'm the man! I'm the man!

Gentlemen...

...we've been duped.

This is nothing but a

harmless Christmas package.

That was really a bomb?

This is a sick world

we're living in!

How many years in the bomb squad?

Thanks a lot.

That son of a...

What are you doing?

Your star wasn't up.

It's Christmas Eve, it has to be up.

I'm out all day...

...and he's in my house...

...putting up my star...

...on my tree.

I got a Turbo Man for Johnny

months ago.

It's nestled safely under our tree.

Nestled safely under our tree.

Safely under our tree...

I'll show him.

I'm sorry, Ted,

but that's Howard's job.

He puts the star on.

He's adamant about it.

Too bad he's not adamant about

being with his family...

...on Christmas Eve.

It's Turbo Time!

Liz, do you hear that?

Carolers.

Let's go. Come on!

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

The back door.

Good tidings for Christmas

And a Happy New Year

Now bring us some figgy pudding

Now bring us some figgy pudding

Now bring us some figgy pudding

What am I doing?

Look at me.

Stealing from a kid.

I can't do this.

You're gonna go back.

Nice doggy.

Nice...

Now bring us some figgy pudding

Now bring us some figgy pudding

Balthazar!

Howard?

What are you doing?

What's that?

You can always count on me!

That is Johnny's Turbo Man.

What?

It's not what you think.

It isn't? Really?

Then tell me. You said you got

Jamie a Turbo Man weeks ago.

It looks like you broke into

Ted's house and stole presents!

If you give me a second,

I could explain it.

I know parts of this are going

to sound completely ridiculous...

...but let me tell you the truth.

I've been listening to your version

of the truth for far too long.

All I want is to salvage what's

left of Christmas Eve...

...and go to the parade with my son.

Liz, please...

-Would you drive us?

-Of course.

You can't bench-press

your way out of this one.

Oh, God.

You picked the wrong day.

You started it.

Mom, do you think Dad's

going to be at the parade?

I wouldn't count on it.

Turbo Man's gonna be there.

You can always count on him.

Hey, Rudolph, can I

buy you another round?

Sorry, buddy...

...but you're on your own.

It's time I start

keeping my promises.

It's that time of year again.

The 1 2th Annual

Holiday Wintertainment Parade.

I'm Gale Force, here with the lovely

Liza Tisch of "AM Live."

Merry Christmas, Gale.

We're high atop Channel 29's

Parade Central...

...to keep you updated on all

of this year's parade action.

Let's watch...

And listen.

The parade's already started!

There's Owen and his dad.

Can we stand with them

while you park the car?

Please?

We'll meet you there.

And don't go wandering off.

Jamie, put on your hat.

I know.

Check it out!

You see Turbo Man?

No, they're saving him for last.

This is awesome!

Cat in the Hat!

Can't you take 4th Street?

Sorry, the roads are packed.

Everyone's going to the parade.

Turbo Man's gonna be there.

I know.

I'm sorry you had to go

through that back there.

Here, have some

non-alcoholic eggnog.

I'll be fine.

You can't hide your feelings from me.

Let it out.

Get it out of your system.

No, really, Ted, I'm okay.

I don't think so.

You're like a lost, frightened foal.

I can see it in your eyes.

Don't worry.

Ted's here.

That's...

...very sweet.

You deserve better, Lizzie.

"Lizzie"?

Someone you can talk to.

A shoulder to cry on.

It's useless, Liz. We can't

hide our feelings any longer.

Feelings?

I don't have to tell you...

...l'm a very eligible bachelor.

Lots of women would give anything

to be in your position.

Well, I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

For me, it all started

months ago...

...at your Labor Day

barbecue, remember?

And you asked me

how to marinate ahi tuna?

And I said, "All you need

is ltalian salad dressing."

You!

Stop that man!

Enough talking.

That didn't go

as well as I'd hoped.

You!

Who are you? Are you the guy?

Thank God. We got him, people!

Listen. We're running late,

so pay attention.

We sent you an instruction manual

so you know the important controls.

I'll go over the changes. There are

three cutoff valves to the nitro.

Here, here, here.

The reading on the pressure

gauge should be below 50.

Not 70, like we told you earlier.

The emergency cutoff is here.

The primary controls are here.

There's a microphone inside the

helmet to alter your voice properly.

Procedure-wise, it's

the same as we talked about.

Stick to that,

there'll be no problems.

Questions?

Before you say anything,

I speak for everyone...

...when I thank you for filling in.

It was a total freak accident,

what happened at rehearsal.

We're confident we got

all the kinks out.

You should know the doctor said Pete

showed some brain activity today.

That's a really good sign.

Let's move it out, people!

Finally!

Where the hell have you been?

I've been sweating like a dog

in a Chinese restaurant...

...waiting for your

sorry ass to show up!

Well...

...it's showtime!

I know you.

You're Booster.

And who the hell do you think

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