Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work Page #10

First wife is always

some poor, dumb b*tch

who he married on the way up.

Second wife is always like,

"Hello,"

and he's an a**hole

and marries her.

And the third wife, he's 96.

The balls are on the ground.

She's 11.

She's Chinese.

"I ruv you."

Thank you.

It's been a pleasure.

This is where I belong.

Only time I'm truly, truly

happy is when I am on a stage.

- Why can't you do

a good job once?

It's embarrassing.

I keep saying,

"She's wonderful,"

and you always fail me.

I am a performer.

That is my life.

That is what I am.

That's it.

- I do hate children,

and that's the truth.

Oh, God, so Halloween, and they,

"Oh, lady,

we don't like apples."

"Then just eat

the razor blades."

It is so...

- Joan, love you,

love you, love you.

I love you, love you back.

Who do I make this to?

Lucy.

- I can spell-

- I have all your jewelry.

Love you.

I love everything

you've done for women.

Love all your humor,

all your grace.

Oh, thank you.

- You're the best.

- Oh, Lucy.

Love you.

Lucy, I love you back.

Surprise!

So bored that they're

taking torture away

in the United States.

Oh, it was-

Oh, like-like-

oh, like torture is bad.

"Oh, waterboarding,

waterboarding."

Oh, big f***ing deal.

Try getting a bikini wax

one time.

Get a Brazilian wax.

You'll give up secrets

you never knew you had.

They're doing a documentary

of my life.

- And you said earlier

that they're just waiting

for the moment, right?

- They are praying

that I'll die

during this-this film.

Wouldn't that be great?

Wouldn't that be amazing?

They got the last year

of Joan Rivers.

It would give them such a hook.

- People would watch.

- People would watch.

That's sick.

- I know, but wouldn't it-

but still,

sick but very commercial.

You'd watch.

I'd watch.

Wouldn't you?

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