Joe Somebody Page #7

- Gum. Got any?

- Open the coat.

- No.

- Open it.

So, you're in your room, watching TV,

and it suddenly occurs to you.

What I really wanna do

is put on a teddy and an overcoat

and chew some gum.

It didn't really come to me

like that.

First I put on the teddy,

and I got cold, so I, uh...

- Natalie, just give me the key.

- Not a chance.

You wanna back up

and run over him again,

at least you'll have

to knock first.

I am not going to run

over your father.

I miss him.

- Where's actor boy?

- Actor boy's gone.

- He left this afternoon.

- His loss.

I... I feel so alone.

How can you feel alone?

I'm here.

Hey. I'm supposed

to be the mother.

Oh, you're a mother all right.

Joe, Joe, Joe. Joseph.

Hey, people are going nuts

about this fight.

They say you got a trainer.

Some, uh, kung fu guy?

Jeremy, I'm really not

in the mood for this, okay?

- Give me something here, Joe.

- What are we talking about?

It's the fight. The fight. You know,

I can make a ton o' money.

There's three to one

odds against you showin' up.

Hm?

You're gonna show up

on Monday, right, Joe?

- Where's Meg?

- Oh, oh! She quit.

She quit?

Yeah, she was coming unglued

and everything was a light drama.

A whole "psycho-femmo" nervous breakdown.

You know, she was... she was smoking.

People were complaining. I'll tell you

something, I was gettin' uncomfortable.

There was all this...

sexual tension between us.

- There was what?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- We-we had a... a thing.

- You and Meg?

Alwas. Yeah, yeah. Corporate retreat,

Cancun. She's very hot.

Skinny, but hot.

What, you want the details?

Yeah, we're poolside, she wants me to...

Nah. I don't want the details.

No?

Hello?

I'm looking for Meg Harper,

apartment 508.

Oh. She's up on the roof.

Are you sure?

Son, I'm an 82-year-old man,

and she's a 31-year-old woman.

Trust me.

I know where she is.

I heard you had a nervous

breakdown and quit.

Nervous breakdown?

Do we need to review

who the psycho is here?

Oh. I need more bleach.

I need more bleach.

- Gotta have more bleach.

- That's what Jeremy said.

He also said that...

you slept with 'im?

Oh! Does that bother you?

Yeah.

Never happened.

If Jeremy chained me to a bed,

I'd-I'd set myself on fire.

Why'd you quit?

Um, well... I am the new assistant

guidance counselor...

at Pembroke High School.

I know. It's kind of

a huge cut in pay.

I think I... may have to give them

money, actually, but...

This is wonderful.

You're great with kids...

And you'll have an opportunity

to show them that victory dance.

Yeah, okay. Thanks, Joe.

Joe... You can't fight.

It's not right.

If you lay a finger on McKinney

in that parking lot,

they can fire you.

Jeremy moved the fight.

We're not fighting in the parking lot.

He wants to see you

get your ass kicked.

- Nobody's gonna get their ass kicked.

- Let it go.

And no one is gonna get fired.

Everybody loves me over there.

Uh-huh. Then where

were they before?

If I back out,

I will never know who I am.

You are the guy that admitted to me

that your ex-wife put a hole in you

so big that it still burns

when the wind blows through.

The guy who kept helping me

even after he had stapled his sleeve...

The guy who kept helping me

even after he had stapled his sleeve...

to a "Choose Happiness" banner.

You mean the guy that got his ass

kicked in the parking lot?

No, no. I mean the guy that

kept getting up every morning,

being a father to his daughter -

that's the guy that you are.

I was nobody. You have no idea

what I'd be giving up if I don't fight.

I know what you would be

giving up if you do.

I'm sorry, Meg.

I have to fight.

Yeah? Because

you're afraid not to.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

You... are winded!

- You take five! You're killing yourself.

- Water?

Is there a beer in there?

How come you got out

of doin' movies?

I guess I kinda turned into

an unbearable sh*t.

Aren't there a lot of people

like that in this business?

Yeah. But it helps if you got

something that nobody can live without.

You know somethin' funny?

When my first picture became a hit,

there were a whole lot of people

just lined up waiting to kiss my ass.

Then when the movies

started to tank, well...

you know, they lined up

behind somebody else's ass.

Well...

You gotta have people in your life

who are there for you.

Whether you're somebody or not.

Did you find somebody like that?

Nope.

It's 6:
30. This is Dave Ryan.

Good morning, Twin Cities.

Look outside.

You're gonna love the day today.

Eighty-five degrees, mostly sunny.

Maybe a little of hazy sunshine.

Other than that, it's one

of those perfect days...

Aaah!

Dad! Hey, dad, wait up!

Dad! Dad!

Dad, wait up!

All right,

even odds now, people.

Bet early, bet often.

Where the hell is he?

Hey, hey, hey.

- Has anybody got the time?

- Yeah.

Ten after.

There he is.

Hey, Joe!

Come on, man.

Take him down!

All right, Joe!

We're with you, Joe!

Take him, Joe!

Joe, Joe, Joe!

Let's go.

You want some?

It's go time, baby.

No more bets.

Rope a dope his ass, now.

What do you say?

- I can do this.

- Hit him with your left.

Hit him with your right.

Be like Ali even though you're white!

I can do this.

Then do it.

Are we gonna fight or not?

- We're not.

- Say, what?

Get over here!

Hey, Joe.

Sorry, man.

It's okay.

I'll be damned.

Scheffer!

Scheffer, get back here!

You're fightin' him,

or you're fightin' me.

Okay. Okay. No, no.

Let's go. Let's get it on. You and me.

Been workin' out every day

for the last eight years, amigo.

Jazzercize, spinning,

- pilates, advanced pilates.

- Pilates?

Good goin', Jeremy.

Have fun with that little tramp.

Everyone else has.

Wow.

That-that's gotta hurt, huh?

Here, wake up. Hey, you get up.

I didn't mean to... Take a breath, take a breath.

Here, you better help him.

It really hurts.

Better lay him down

or something.

Pilates?

Beavis.

Very impressed.

Thank you.

- McKinney got lucky.

- How's that?

I was just about to do... this!

Good. That was good.

Good job.

Do you think I could've

taken McKinney?

Think you just did.

What the hell?

- You're in my spot.

- What are you gonna do? Beat me up?

Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg!

Wait, wait, wait.

Come on, come on, come on.

Gimme a chance!

- Let go.

- I can't let go. I'm crazy about you.

You're crazy about me?

- You're crazy about me?

- Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg.

- You're crazy about me?

- Meg, I didn't fight McKinney.

I didn't fight him. Okay?

I went to the school...

and I realized...

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm not afraid not to fight.

A parking space

isn't worth fighting for.

You're worth fighting for.

You have a gift for helping,

I know,

because you saw something in me

when I lost sight of myself.

You're what I want.

I-I don't think there's anything

about you that I don't like.

My ears aren't

perfectly even.

I like that.

- There's something else.

- What's that?

You really did cure me.

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