Joe Somebody Page #6

And before, I was...

Well, you were you.

You were... Joe.

You were exactly

who you were.

Well, I wasn't gettin'

a lot of... positive feedback

- with who I was.

- Mm.

Maybe you were asking

the wrong people.

- We need music.

- Yeah! Oh, I got... I got money.

I got quarters.

- Random picks?

- No. I grew up in this bar. I told you.

- I know this jukebox by heart.

- Right.

Try me.

Yeah. Okay.

Sit down, shut your eyes

and don't look.

Shut your eyes.

Shut your eyes.

Uum... A7.

"The Way You Look Tonight."

- F-6.

- Uhh...

"I Like It Like That."

F-8.

"You," uh...

"... Go to My Head."

Joe, are you flirting with me?

It's been so long,

I'm not really sure.

Well, let's say

that you were.

- Okay.

- You wanna dance?

- Here?

- On the bar.

- No.

- Come on.

You okay?

I'm sorry.

I just don't think I'm ready.

To dance?

Yeah, I'm not ready

to dance.

- Um, sorry about tonight.

- Oh. Don't be.

Really, I understand that it, um,

hasn't been that long

for you.

Yeah. Um...

My ex-wife put a pretty big hole

through me, and, uh,

it still hurts

when the wind blows through.

And you think that

by fighting McKinney you can...

close this hole?

Maybe.

Okay.

- Night, Joe.

- Night, Meg.

Joe.

You really shouldn't flirt

with someone until you're ready.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Jeremy.

Hold the elevator.

- What's going on with Joe Scheffer?

- Good morning.

Boy, that is a great color

on you.

- Director of internal communications?

- Oh, well.

What the hell is that?

That position doesn't even exist.

- Presidential compliance.

- What is that?

Uh, uh, read your manual.

Meg. If Joe Scheffer stays home

and pours bourbon on his cereal,

he can sue us for negligence,

but if he comes back to work,

we make him happy.

A reasonable period of time

passes, we're free and clear.

He can't sue.

That is presidential compliance.

And what happens after

that reasonable period?

- What happens to his job, to him?

- I don't know! Who cares?

I do.

I'm afraid I'm going

to have to let you go.

- Mr. Scheffer?

- Hm? Yes.

- I'm Deidre, your executive assistant.

- I have an executive assistant?

- Yes. And her name is Deidre.

- Right.

- Would you like to see your office?

- I've been looking at it.

This isn't it.

You have a thing

for the A-V guy?

- No. No, I don't.

- Yeah.

- No.

- See, cause I always thought, um,

you know, you and I, we-we...

Do you think that we

should be discussing...

- Discussing? This?

- Mm.

Here. You're right.

You're absolutely right.

Let's stop wasting time.

Tonight, let-let's go to-to Grumpy's.

So we get some margaritas, maybe some ribs,

and have some fun. What do you say?

Jeremy...

that's never gonna happen.

Oh. That's fine.

- Jeremy, look.

- No, I-I... I get it, about... about Joe.

Uh, you don't... you don't care about 'im,

but you care about 'im. It's your job.

You're the wellness coordinator.

You care about his... wellness.

- Actually, there's...

- Stop for a second, Meg.

You remember why your little

wellness program even exists?

I am here to help...

... to keep corporate objectives.

That's the only reason you're here.

You're here to make

people believe we-we... we care.

- I'm a propagandist?

- Yeah. You're a propagandist.

Presidential compliance, Meg.

You tell anyone about our conversation,

and you can start

sending out your resume.

- We were never under review, were we?

- Oh, yeah!

No, we're-we're under review, Meg.

We're all under review a-all the time.

And that includes, uh,

your boyfriend, Scheffer.

- What the hell is that supposed to mean?

- You'll see.

Wow!

Oh, it's too much.

You've come a long way,

haven't you, Joe?

Just look at this.

This is great.

Just when you get to think

that no one appreciates your work,

- that nobody...

- Great, so here's the deal.

McKinney's due back next week,

so your big day is almost here.

- A small problem, though.

- What's the small problem?

The company is posting

security guards in the parking lot

for the foreseeable future, so that fight

is not gonna happen here, Joe.

But it has to happen here,

I told everybody.

I know, I know. This is your, uh,

15 minutes of fame.

What do you mean, 15 minutes?

It's a... it's a cliche.

Maybe you'll get 20. I don't know.

Oh.

What if...

What if... What-what if...

What if somebody...

What if... Ah, here.

Thank you.

What if somebody could

change the venue?

Now, what if the fight actually

happened in a schoolyard?

- How cool would that be?

- Could you do that?

Oh, no, no, no, no. No.

No, I-I-I couldn't, uh, officially...

do anything.

Well, why would you,

not officially, do this?

Because I know

how you feel, Joe.

I was nobody too.

Guys like McKinney used me

to limber up for real fights.

If I had a shot at a guy

like that now, I would...

I envy you, Joe.

I really do.

- Frank. Go long, buddy, go long.

- Thanks, Joe.

You're Randy Moss today,

buddy!

Wow. Is it hot in here,

or is it that outfit, Linda?

- How 'bout some fresh grapefruit?

- Thank you, Joe.

Meg, you never saw

my new office.

Oh, yeah, you know,

I've been really busy.

- You want some fruit?

- Um..

Joe, squash tomorrow?

Yeah, but this time let's find

some players that can actually play.

- I hear that.

- Look, Joe, I-I've gotta get going.

Home? Oh, no.

- Not until you see this.

- This is yours?

Well, mine and the... bank's.

Come on. Get in.

Careful.

This is me. That Lumina?

I don't know who that was.

This... is me.

I'm glad to see you so happy,

Joe. Really.

Are you mad at me?

This, um... This is my problem.

I'm gonna work it out.

Wait a minute.

Meg, come on.

When I had a problem,

you helped me work it out.

- Did I?

- Yeah.

Now that there's a problem

with you, I wanna be here for you.

- I wanted to be a guidance counselor.

- Okay.

I wanted to help girls

like me.

Those girls who were too busy

cleaning the house or... or paying bills

to... do homework

or join the pep squad.

But I thought... I should

make a little money first, right?

You know,

put something aside.

Before I knew it, I was

waking up in a better apartment.

I was... going on vacation

to places like Saint Barts,

- and... I had a 401K!

- Meg.

We all like nice stuff.

Did I tell you that that

Caddy has 12 speakers in it?

- And you can adjust the...

- I gotta go.

Seriously, Meg.

If you need to talk again,

you know where I live.

Thanks, Joe.

For what? I... I don't think

I helped you very much.

You know, I... I don't think

I helped you that much either.

Stretch, stretch.

Pull, pull.

Good, good, good. All the way.

Stretch, stretch.

Good, good, good, good.

Good.

Punch, punch, punch.

Sorry.

Higher, higher.

Hah!

One, two.

Hm.

Good, good, good, good, good.

I'm comin' low,

comin' low. Ready?

Oh, man.

You pushed me.

I'm comin' now.

Always go for the nuts.

You're good. You protect it.

Keep it up.

Get your hand up there.

Good.

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