John Tucker Must Die Page #4

No, no, no, chocolate makes

everything better,

My mom says that it can even

mend your broken heart,

You know, I was thinking...

instead of doing all this...

we should've just

broken his heart,

What?

Heather, that's pretty genius,

Yeah, except he broke up

with everybody,

Not... everybody,

What? I...

- No,

- Mm-hmm,

I can't do that,

- I don't even like him,

- So?

You're not really

gonna be dating him,

You'll be pretending,

Exactly,

Look, I know what

you're thinking,

''I'm not as pretty as Heather,

''I'm not that smart,

''I'm not that...

experienced,''

That's true,

But you have us,

And we can make you into anything,

If we combine...

all of us, we can make him

fall in love with you-

I mean really fall in

love- and then we'll...

yank it all out from under him,

This is gonna be so good!

No, it's just not gonna work, I...

Kate, look...

I know you think I'm just

a superficial cheerleader...

but... I do have feelings...

and they got crushed

because of your idea,

I used all my mom's

estrogen pills...

and now she looks

like Bernie Mac,

Sorry,

You guys, I...

You know what? Forget it,

You couldn't pull it off anyway,

Let's go,

Oh, well,

All right,

Wait,

Just tell me what to do,

- Yes!

- Oh!

- Ha!

Now, the first step is so easy,

There's one thing

John Tucker cannot resist,

Okay, girls, This is Kate...

and she'll be

taking Nancy's spot,

- What?

- Well, you know, you've...

got that bum leg

and everything, Sorry!

But it's just a sprain,

The doctor said

I'd be better in a week,

Maybe next year, kiddo,

You fought a good fight, though,

Okay, pyramid!

Kate, you're on top,

What? No, no, no,

I get dizzy in high heels,

Come on!

John loves girls on top,

Of the pyramid! Hello!

Trust me, it's an honor,

Molly's been waiting

three years to get up there,

Right, Molly?

Yeah, you go ahead,

It's your first day,

You earned it,

Okay, Up-up-up!

Good,

Straight legs,

Nice and steady,

Big smile!

I did it!

Kodiaks, attack...!

Sorry,

Well, if you can crush John

like you crushed Molly...

I think we got it,

Don't be sorry, Be strong,

The most important thing

a cheerleader wears...

is her attitude,

Watch this,

BOY:

That is hot!

I can do that,

Hey, how you doin'?

Heather...we're cool, right?

What?

Who's the new cheerleader?

Ow,

That's Kate,

She's cute,

Not gonna happen,

She's not into

high school boys,

That's it?

We just planted the seed,

What'd he say about me?

Did he say anything?

He said that?

He really di...?

Uh, oh, my gosh,

I-I mean...

you didn't even introduce me,

Should I go talk to him?

I-I'll go... No?

What?

Okay, emergency meeting,

I think we're sending Kate in

before she's ready,

I... I'm totally ready,

Really? Tell 'em

whatJohn said about you,

Oh, what, about me being cute?

Oh, No, it's

just a comment,

If anything, it's an insult,

I know he's just getting

ready to use me,

Kate, I'm confused,

but I thought you said...

you had experience

with guys like this,

I do, I-I've watched my mom date

a million and one of these guys,

But have you ever dated one?

Have you ever dated

a John Tucker?

Have you ever dated... anyone?

- Define ''anyone,''

Oh, my God! I'm totally not ready!

I'm gonna blow this...

No, no, no, no,

You're gonna be fine,

All right, stop, Stop,

Okay, look,

you'll be fine, okay?

You just gotta remember

to be cool and... collected,

Yeah, Be caring and passionate,

Be proud and... aggressive,

You've got to make him

chase you, okay?

If it's easy...

he'll move on,

Do you understand?

Mm-hmm,

Yes, I-I have it,

It's totally under control,

Okay,

So...he really said

you were cute?

Yeah, I mean, that's what

Heather said, and... Damn it!

Okay, okay, look,

It's not that hard, Um...

When he speaks to you...

count to three...

in your head

before you answer him,

Don't show any interest,

Don't even look at him too much,

- Hm,

- Yeah, no,

You got it?

I said do you have it?

I was counting to three,

Not that slowly,

We don't want him to think

you're retarded,

Um... sorry,

It's my bad,

Bye,

Hey,

John Tucker?

Hi,

So... you must be new,

Well, not ''new'' new, but...

new to cheer,

Okay, don't tell me,

Tell me Friday night...

at dinner,

I'm captain of the team,

You're our new cheerleader,

I'm obligated to buy you dinner,

School rules,

Thank you, but I'm

gonna have to pass,

You busy, or...?

Sure, I'm busy,

Nice to meet you, Bye,

What?

Uh... you know,

there's actually...

a pretty decent music scene

around here,

You know,

if I ever know...

you know, I mean, if I...

ever hear of a good show...

I could maybe...

you know, I could...

I could let you know...

about that show,

Where are you supposed to be?

You don't belong in this class,

I-I'm just supposed

to drop these off,

Thanks,

Uh, excuse me? Who are you?

Whoa, Hey,

What's going on h...

What is your name, son?

Attention, fellow students,

If Kate is out there in

Loudspeaker Land, my number is...

Give me a pen,

I'm the captain of the team,

You're our new cheerleader,

I'm obligated to buy you dinner,

School rules,

Thank you, but I'm gonna have to pass,

Uh, how'd you guys get this video?

I've been documenting our efforts,

Great! Make a video,

MaybeJohn'll get

a role on The O,C,

It's our expose,

We're gonna show everybody

the realJohn Tucker,

And how we broke his... heart,

It'll be like...

Prime Time Tucker,

Hasta la vista, motherf...

Stop...

with the rhyming,

Now, that's good,

Do it like this,

-John...

-Hey, sweetie,

there's only one guy

out there for me...

I just don't think

that girl is you,

- ...and you are not...

- Not him!

We good?

We are so gonna neuter him!

- Kate, do one,

- Uh...

John, there's only one guy

out there for me,

- You are not him,

- No, don't hold back,

How do you want to

be a cheerleader...

with no attitude?

I... don't want to be

a cheerleader,

Kate...

everyone wants to be

a cheerleader,

Come on, you got to sell it!

John...

there's only one guy

out there for me...

- but you are not him,

No,

Kate, this is for

every guy out there...

that's ever lied to any girl,

Okay?

Okay, action,

John Tucker, there's only

one guy out there for me...

but you are not him,

Damn,

You are gonna be a legend,

Yeah,

Oh, hey,

Hey,

Did you like the flowers?

Uh, yeah, if you're...

into that sort of thing,

'Cause... I didn't

get a phone call,

I didn't have a pen,

- Scrappy!

- Oh!

- Hey, man,

- Hey,

So, you're lab partners

with Kate, right?

You talk,

What's her deal?

Yeah, I don't know, man,

I don't think

she's your type, though,

''Girl'' is my type,

- All right, well...

then-then maybe, uh,

you're not her type,

She's into stuff like...

old-school Elvis Costello;

she listens...

to obscure podcasts;

she reads Dave Eggers,

You know, she's...

she's deep, man,

Dude... I'm deep,

I'm dating the Poetry Club,

Oh,

So,John asked you to spy on me?

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