John Tucker Must Die Page #7

I'm gonna be scoring

more than baskets,

Bingo,

Okay, okay, Uncork it,

then pork it,

- Now that's my man!

- Slam-dunk, baby,

TEAMMATES:

We are so gonna get him,

So, hydrogen and oxygen

are getting a drink...

and gold walks in

and they go...

''AU! Get outta the bar!''

'Cause, you know, AU is...

the atomic symbol for gold,

Yeah, Yeah,

I-I got it,

Oh, good,

You're gonna help me measure

with the doodad and everything,

Oh, I actually thought

I'd work with Alex today,

Oh, I... Well, he's

gonna take you back...

without an insurance waiver?

Yeah, well,

he's warmed up to me...

since his left eyebrow grew back,

Uh...

Hey, kiddo,

Is your mom home?

Nope,

Is that him?

You're not seriously

going out with Skip, are you?

Don't call him that,

We're just going out,

Mom, please don't do this,

- Please?

He's probably in town

for a layover...

and he's just looking

for someone to lay over,

Very clever, sweetheart,

Can we not do this

whole thing right now?

Mom, no wonder I'm so messed up,

I've never actually seen

a functional relationship,

Who I date...

is none of your business,

Are you serious?

Can you imagine growing up

with a mom who only dates jerks?

You don't really see

how this affects me?

See you tomorrow,

Don't forget to lock the door

when you sneak out,

So,your team's just won

the semifinals...

you're at a hotel

with all your friends...

I mean, this should be fun,

shouldn't it?

CARRI E:

Come on,! Get up,!

Let's go,

Now the real game begins,

Are you sure we're

not going too far?

HEATHER:

Look...

this game's in crunch time,

Kate, do you know what happens

when you let your guard down...

around John Tucker?

Carrie, show her,

You need to see this,

Here,

- Man, you whipped, man!

- Whipped!

- Hold up! Hold up,

- All right, What? What?

I am not whipped, okay?

John Tucker is not whipped,

I will have you know

that at tonight's away game...

I'm gonna be scoring more than baskets,

TOMMY:

Uncork it, then pork it,

- Okay, I got you on that one!

- Slam-dunk, baby,

John Tucker, you are going down,

What? Is it okay?

You should totally wear

underwear to school,

- She's hot!

- Yeah, you, girl!

TOMMY:

''Kate S, requests...

video chat with John T''?

Okay, you're gone,

- All right! Playa-playa!

- Come on, Tommy, Up,

- Bye-bye,

- Fabio, Ow,

- Hey, there,

Hey, You alone?

Yeah, You?

Yeah, It's so sad...

'cause I'm s...

I'm so... lovely,

No!

- Lonely!

I'm so lonely,

JOHN:

Well, maybe I could...

come over there

and keep you company,

Oh, I'd like that...

but there's a problem,

Coach Williams is out in the hall,

- She's totally watching,

There's no way

you could get in here,

- Damn it,

- Unless...

you went out on the ledge...

and came in

through the sliding door?

Yeah, right,

Yeah, that's crazy,

It's too bad,

I got all... dressed up,

Or... down,

I-I could try the balcony,

Great!

I'm three rooms down,

I already counted,

I'll be right there,

Hold-Hold on!

Uh, hold on,

What?

Um...

I... got you a present?

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah,

It's... under your bed,

Ooh, A little preview?

KATE:

N-No,

I want you to wear them,

What's wrong?

It's sexy, Haven't you

ever done this before?

No,

That's cute,

You're just so...

...inexperienced,

What?

No, I am not inexperienced,

John...

Johnny, I thought

that you might do this...

Johnny, I thought

that you might do this...

one little thing for me,

And then... I might do a little

something for you,

And then... we might do a little

something together,

But...

You know what? I am tired...

...and it is getting

really late, so...

I'll just see you tomorrow,

- Night,

- Wait,

Wait, Um...

Give me five minutes,

Okay,

-You...!

- I'm sorry!

...little...!

- March!

- Ow!

- Ow!

- Ooh!John!

- What are you wearing?

- Dude, those are for ladies,

What... the hell?

I think this belongs to you, Coach,

I found it in my bed,

Coach, make her let go,

Let go,

''Live and let live''

is what I say, Tucker,

Takes all kinds to build a freeway,

But I am not equipped...

for this kind of weirdness...

this close to the playoffs!

I guess it was

four instead of three, Sorry,

Show's over, ladies,

Back to your rooms,

Show's over!

Back to your rooms,

- Hey,John!

Love the bow,

Your butt is my screensaver,

There he is,

Hey, Tucker!

All right, let's go!

Split up, shirts versus skins,

Come on,

All right, Ball,

Dude, you wearing

thongs again, man?

Yup,

It's like letting your best

friend sleep in a silk hammock,

They're breezy,

They don't bind,

And they give you

just enough swing,

What?

All right, guys, let's go!

Un...believable,

I'd hit him with my car...

if he wouldn't make a body cast

a fashion statement,

Kate!

Hey, The other night didn't

quite go like I'd hoped,

Yeah, I know, Sorry,

Nah, it's okay,

Kind of spun it,

I noticed, Now everyone knows

Victoria's secret,

Tommy was thinking

we'd do it as a birthday theme,

''Not the Same Old

Thong and Dance,''

Cute,

Kate, Kate, wait,

Wait, wait,

Look...

you don't get it, Okay?

I was humiliated trying

to get your attention...

and I'm not working this hard

just so I can get some action,

So I'm not just some

'82 Bordeaux...

you wanna

''uncork and pork''?

Where'd you hear that?

No-No-No, look-look,

that-that's just...

locker room talk, okay?

That doesn't mean anything,

You act like a pig

so you don't sound whipped?

Yes, Exactly,

Look, I'm... I'm saying

things I don't believe,

I'm doing things

I don't understand,

I mean, I put on your underwear

and I scaled a building,

I'm trying so hard,

But I'm out of plays,

Kate... you're the one,

Look, I've... never

done this before, so...

I'm not exactly sure how it goes,

It's just something personal,

Okay? Something to show you...

and whoever wants to know,

that I'm whipped,

Excellent!

Yeah, I'm whipped,

Will you be my girlfriend?

Oh... my...

God,

We'll crush him,

Kill time, Bam!

Happy birthday, little Tucker,

CARRI E:

Okay, so, now we...

Um... y-you guys...

I'm feeling a little weird

about this whole thing,

Huh?

- Kate...

You said if you ever dated a guy like this...

you would get even,

I know, um, but...

Oh, my God, you love him!

Oh, we are doing

a dating intervention,

This is for your own good,

Reality check, Kate:

you're not really dating him,

You got Tucked over,

He didn't fall for you,

He fell for what we made you,

Who were you before you met us?

No one... and then

we made you ''the one''...

and this is how you repay us?

So, the little monster you

created destroys John Tucker...

and then what?

What happens to me?

- You become a legend!

- Yeah!

- What if I don't want that?

- Well, you can't have him!

And... this watch

belongs to me!

I'm the head cheerleader,

He's the team captain,

This watch should be mine!

What, you think because

you're the head cheerleader...

you can get whatever you want?

- Exactly!

- Hey! Girls! Stop,

Thanks, Carrie,

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