Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie Page #4

Season #2 Episode #1

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JR looks confused.

PA GRAPE (cont'd)

That's what I thought you'd say.

MR. LUNT

They all do.

LARRY:

Yep.

PA GRAPE:

We find it helpful to illustrate with a little story.

JR seems interested.

JR:

A story?

PA GRAPE:

Yep. You know, we call ourselves, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything." But that's not entirely accurate...

MR. LUNT

Yeah! Remember when we did that one thing... with that one guy?

PA GRAPE:

Oh do I ever...

LARRY:

(dreamily)

I remember it like it was yesterday...

No Money

CUT TO:

ext - day. marketplace of small, israeli town.

3 pirates approach merchant's booth. Mr. Nezzer is merchant. He eyes them suspiciously, but with mild amusement, like one eyes the town eccentric who insists on wearing his underpants on the outside.

nezzer

Are you guys still doin' that 'pirate thing?'

lunt

(resents statement)

Arrgh!! Watch yer tongue matey, or we'll hafta...

(to comrades after beat)

What will we do?

larry

We won't do anything. We're 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything', remember?

lunt

(let down)

Oh, that's right.

(fierce again)

Arrgh! Ya got off easy today!

Nezzer gives him a 'whatever' look and goes about his business.

laRRY

We need more "Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!"

pa GRAPE

Ya! And root beer!

nEZZER

I told you boys - no more cheese curls until you pay your tab! You still owe me from last week!

LuNT

But, you'll take away out chance to win the "Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes!"

Nezzer

... Come again?

Pa GRAPE

Inside one of those bags of cheesy goodness is a golden ticket that'll change our lives forever!!

NeZZER

(thinks)

Well... you could work here for me... That way you could EARN more cheese curls...

PiRATES

[Great! Okay! Sounds good! etc.]

NEZZER:

So, uh... Whadaya know how to do?

Pirates think.

Pa GRAPE

Well... I'm pretty good at lawn darts...

LarRY

Ping-pong! I can play ping-pong!

LunT

Croquet is my spe-ci-al-ity...

Nezzer just stares at them.

Pa GRAPE

When do we start?

Nezzer slams the gate down on his booth.

Pa GRAPE (cont'd)

Monday's good for me...

pA narrator (V.O.)

We were short on cash. It seems not doin' anything didn't pay very well.

lunt

So, what do we do now?

laRRY

Mmm - nothing.

LuNT

You are a genius!

Pirates exit, passing by booth where Man is buying fish from Ninevites. 2 Ninevites have a pile of old fish in front of them. Flies buzz around the pile.

Man

Are these fish fresh?

jeAN CLAUDE

You bet!

PhilLIPE

Oh, ya!

Man sniffs - fish are obviously rotten. He nearly faints, then turns and walks away indignantly.

Man

Oh!

jeAN CLAUDE

What?!? They were fresh when we caught them...

PhILLIPE

Zat's right...

JeaN CLAUDE

...two weeks ago!!

Jean CLAUDE & PHILLIPE

Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha hee!

Other Ninevite laughs.

Cut to Larry - looking on.

larrY

(concerned/disgusted)

Mm. Ninevites.

We Meet Jonah

pa narrator (VO)

Beside the fact that we were low on funds, this was a memorable day because he showed up!

Larry and others turn to look at a tall figure entering the market. It is JONAH (Archibald Asparagus), riding very regally on his camel REGINALD. As Pa speaks, we watch Jonah ride into the market as well as the reactions of the crowd to the presence of a prophet. (SCORE - Theme 2B-271.)

pa narrator (cont'd)

Jonah!

(musical sting)

Now Jonah was a prophet of God - which means he was one of the very special people God used to deliver messages to Israel. He was kind of like a mailman, except his letters came straight from God!!

(Pa gets a little too excited on that line.)

Ahem. Anyway... Jonah loved helping his friends by bringing them God's messages. Sometimes the messages were good, sometimes they were not so good. But when a prophet talked, everybody listened!

nEZZER

(yelling out)

What's the word, Jonah?

townspeople

(various)

(What's the word? Yeah, what's the word?)

Jonah looks around smartly, then pulls up his camel.

jonah

Stop right here, Reginald.

Reginald

Rpbbpbpbf!

Reginald snuffles and pulls up short. From his demeanor, it is obvious that he too, is British. Jonah glances around for a moment, then speaks. Music starts.

joNAH

Dear people, I bring you a message from the Lord!

The crowd catches their breath and stiffens, fearing the worst.

Crowd

Gasp!

joNAH

Oh... it's a message of encouragement!

CROWD:

Phew! (Sigh?)

Crowd relaxes visibly.

jonAH

(singing)

Do not fight,

Do not cheat,

Wash your hands before you eat,

There is nothing quite as sweet - a message from the Lord!

Be a friend,

Say your prayers,

Heaven loves a heart that cares,

That is why I've come to share a message from the Lord!

And if you follow God's commands -

There will be peace throughout the land!

You will live long and happy lives!

With your sheep - your kids - your wives!!

joNAH (cont'd)

(singing)

Don't eat pigs,

Show merchant selling pork products. He tries to look inconspicuous.

jonah (cont'd)

Don't eat bats.

MERCHANT #2 is selling "bat-on-a-sticks". He tries to look inconspicuous.

jonah (cont'd)

Don't eat beetles, flies or gnats.

MERCHANT #3 is selling, you guessed it, bug burgers. He too, tries to look inconspicuous.

jonah (cont'd)

Stay away from all of that! A message from the Lord!

3 merchants pull out new signs or flip tables over. All 3 are now selling bagels.

jonah (cont'd)

(singing)

Do what's right,

Don't provoke,

Jonah approaches MAN WEARING CLOAK.

joNAH (cont'd)

(singing)

Put four tassels on your cloak.

KID next to man cracks up.

joNAH (cont'd)

(singing)

Do not laugh, it's not a joke! A message from the Lord!

Townspeople start to pick up song. Jonah echoes each line with a "That's right! Now you've got it!" Etc.

Townspeople

(singing)

Do not fight,

Do not cheat,

woman #1

Wash your hands before you eat,

man #1

There is nothing quite as sweet -

WOman #2

a message from the Lord!

joNAH

All together now!

towNSPEOPLE

(singing)

Be a friend,

Say your prayers,

Heaven loves a heart that cares,

That is why he came to share a message from the Lord!

Repeat stanza instrumentally. Tempo picks up - townspeople break into 'Oklahoma'-style dance around market. Townspeople resume singing at new tempo.

towNSPEOPLE (cont'd)

And if we follow God's commands -

Women in Cart

Yodel-ah-ha-ah

Townspeople

There will be peace throughout our land!

WoMEN IN CART

Yodel-ah-ha-ah

ToWNSPEOPLE

We will live long and happy lives!

With our sheep - our kids - our wives!!

Do what's right,

Don't provoke,

Put four tassels on your cloak.

Do not laugh, it's not a joke! A message from the Lord!

joNAH

Don't do drugs!

Stay in school!

cockney townsperson

This is quite a lot of rules!

joNAH

Follow them and you're no fool, a-

townSPEOPLE

Follow them and you're no fool, a-

joNAH

Follow them and you're no fool,

all

A message from the Lord!!

joNAH

Follow them and you're no fool,

all

A message from the Lord!

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