Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie Page #3

Season #2 Episode #1

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Laura looks down sadly. JEAN CLAUDE and PHILLIP PEA observe our friends as they enter the restaurant and put up with the racket momentarily, then can take no more...

Jean claude & phillip

(clearing throats, together)

eh.. eh.. Ahem... May we help you?

Our friends stop in their tracks and look up to the imposing hosts. They all pause for a moment then blurt out simultaneously:

BOB:

The Asparagus whacked me in the head with a guitar and our van got taken out by a mad porcupine, then another one got me... here.

PERCY:

(singing)

Bald, bald, bunny, bunny Look over there bunny! Hair over there bunny! What fur? That fur! There's some fur bald bunny!

DAD:

Maybe it's because I'm used to the ukulele, The neck is so much shorter... Yeah... that's why. Say, I need to call my wife!

JR:

Laura was teasing me with her "special ticket," and then it flew right out the window and she screamed and made the van crash..

Jr turns to Laura

JR (cont'd)

and now none of us get to see Twippo!

ANNIE waits for everyone to finish shouting, then comments sweetly:

ANNIE:

May I please use the bathroom?

JEAN CLAUDE and PHILLIPE look at each other then turn back to the crowd.

PHillipe

Down the hall, first door on the left.

ANNIE:

Thank you.

ANNIE hops off toward the bathroom. There is a video game at the end of the hall, as well. PERCY looks on.

PERCY:

Oooh! Captain Ahab's Moby Blaster! My favorite!

PERCY follows ANNIE down the hall.

JEAN CLAUDE:

What do you want?

BOB:

Well sirs... The Asparagus hit me in the head with a guitar and an angry mother porcupine shot out our tires and one of her babies got me...

BOB turns his bottom around toward the peas and shows his back side with the quill sticking out.

JEAN CLAUDE & PHILLIPE

oooh.

DAD:

... and I need to use your phone to call...

BOB:

(cutting off Dad)

A tow truck.

DAD:

...My wife.

JEAN CLAUDE:

I see.

PhILLIPE

(to Dad)

Next to the Moby Blaster.

DAD:

Thanks.

DAD hops off toward the phone. BOB, JR. and LAURA remain.

JEAN CLAUDE:

... Well... In the meantime, would you like to have a seat? Maybe enjoy a nice... combo platter?...

Cheesy DRUMS starts up...

JEAN CLAUDE & PHILLIPE

(singing)

Steak! Steak! Eat it! Eat it!

Shrimp! Shrimp! Need it! Need it!

Steak and Shrimp! Steak and Shrimp!

Need to! Need to! Eat it! Eat it!

JEAN CLAUDE and PHILLIPE do a little dance as they sing. DRUMS stop as abruptly as they started. BOB, LAURA and JR look at each other, concerned. BOB returns a cautious nod.

INTERIOR - NIGHT. DINING ROOM OF SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

BOB, LAURA and JR hop toward their table. They are led by JEAN CLAUDE (menus in hand) and followed by PHILLIPE. PHILLIPE takes note of the quill in BOB'S behind. THE PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING theme MUSIC plays over the sound system.

PhILLIPE

Do you prefer "poking" or "non-poking?"

BOB returns an annoyed, forced laugh to PHILLIP'S bad pun.

BOB:

heh heh heh... non.

JEAN CLAUDE:

Good one Phillipe! You are one clever pea, no?

PHILLIPE:

(with his little French laugh)

Un huh huh!

PHILLIPE "yanks" the quill out. This can be implied with a sound effect ("doink") and then showing Phillipe holding the quill.

BOB:

AAAH!

PHILLIPE stops hopping and stands there examining the quill as JEAN CLAUDE continues with the other three.

PHILLIPE:

(looking at quill)

Whala! A skewer for zee scampi!

PHILLIPE hops back toward the kitchen, revealing (rack focus) three scraggly pirates in a booth. It's "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything": Pa Grape, Mr. Lunt and Larry. They join into the intercom music lazily singing like old high school football players reminiscing about their glory days:

PIRATES:

(Singing)

We are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around! And if you ask us to do anything,

We'll just tell you...

We don't do anything!

Cut back to JEAN CLAUDE, BOB, JR and LAURA as they reach their booth. Coincidently, it is right beside where the pirates are sitting. The booths are divided by a sheet of translucent Plexiglas. We hear the light, lazy banter of the pirates (having finished their little chorus) beyond the glass as background noise.

JEAN CLAUDE:

Please make yourselves comfortable, I will be back to take your orders...

JEAN CLAUDE places menus on table and hops away.

BOB:

Why don't you two wait here. I'm gonna go call a tow truck. Maybe we can still make it to the concert on time.

BOB hops off.

lAURA

(sadly)

Yeah... everyone but me...

jR

Hey, it's your own fault for teasing me! You're just getting what you deserve!

LAURA is frustrated and hurt. She looks to BOB hopping off. Jr. smiles, self-righteously.

LAURA:

(frustrated noise)

Hrrrrrrrg... I'm coming with you Mr. Bob...

PIRATES:

[add lib lazy comments]

LAURA hops off after BOB. JR remains at the table, gloating in the "divine justice" of Laura's plight. He looks around the restaurant, taking in the surroundings - which are slightly eerie once again. He can see the silhouettes of the pirates through the Plexiglas. They continue their banter. He realizes he is alone, and feels a little frightened.

We return to JR. at the table. He nervously looks around, then spots the menu in front of him. He opens it up and starts to read. We scan it as he reads...

STEAK AND SHRIMP ... $10.00

SCAMPI ON A SKEWER ... $7.50

SCAMPI ON A CLEAN SKEWER ... $10.00

COMPASSION ... MARKET PRICE

This last item seems odd to JR. He raises an eyebrow. We hear a SLIDING SFX.

PA GRAPE:

Excuse me!

JR is taken by surprise and startles. He drops his menu, revealing the pirates. They have slid back the translucent Plexiglas from between the booths and now seem quite close. They're all staring at JR.

JR:

AAAAAH!

LARRY:

How's it goin?

MR. LUNT

Hey. What's up?

JR:

(still scared)

Who are you?

PIRATES look around and behind themselves.

PA GRAPE:

Who us?

JR thought the question was obvious.

JR:

...Yeah...

PA GRAPE:

Oh!... We are... "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!"...

MR. LUNT

Oh you know that's right.

LARRY:

Nothin'.

MR. LUNT

Zilch.

LARRY:

Nada.

PA GRAPE:

... Didn'tcha hear our song?

JR:

Well.. yeah... but...

PA GRAPE:

Look... Sonny... Can I call you Sonny?

JR:

Junior.

PA GRAPE:

Hey! Pretty close! Look... Junior... We couldn't help but notice you were havin' a little thing with your friend over there.

MR. LUNT

Yeah. You weren't being very nice...

JR:

Well, it's her own fault! She was teasing me and now she's getting what she deserves!

PA GRAPE:

Right.

(pause)

Junior... we've seen these types of situations before.

MR. LUNT

Happens all the time.

PA GRAPE:

What you need is a little compassion.

LARRY:

...And maybe some scampi.

JR throws off LARRY'S comment and comments to PA;

JR:

Hey... I saw that in the menu... What is that? What's compassion?

MR. LUNT

Ooh. That's a hard question.

LARRY:

Mmmm Hmmm.

PA GRAPE:

Well... Compassion is when ya see that someone needs help, and ya wanna help 'em!

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