Joseph Andrews Page #3

Joseph!

Angels and ministers

of grace, defend us.

Joseph!

They told me you were dead.

Not quite.

I knew that man was a ninny.

Dead, indeed.

All you need's a little rest.

You'll be yourself again.

Have some food, hmm?

Fowl or rabbit?

No more-- I'll give the order.

And peace be with you, sir.

My sermons-- they were...

the sole cause, the...

...of my peregrination.

I had hoped to sell them

in the great city,

but, alas-- I'm told

they're out of fashion.

But this disappointment

was intended for our good,

for now we can return together.

We'll ride in turn.

I'll walk first.

But I'm much better

now, Parson.

Aw, tush, man-- you were dead

but two days since.

Not so fast, sirrah.

There's the reckoning...

But the good parson paid.

Paid for your

bed and board,

but not for the mule's

stabling and feed.

There's still

four shillings owed.

Hey, lock him up!

He's trying to welsh

on his reckoning.

Mine, oh...

Call the constable!

Where's my good-for

- nothing husband?

Let me go!

Please don't take advantage

of me, sir.

Have no fear, damsel.

Your ravisher is vanquished.

Mr. Adams! Mr. Adams!

- Oh, sir, you saved my life!

- Fanny...

My honor!

Pray God I have not

killed him in doing so.

But what brings you here?

I was on my way to Bath

to find Joseph, sir.

Joseph? He's waiting

back at the inn.

Joseph's at the inn, sir?

Oh, 'tis only bird trappers.

I will seek their help

with this fellow here.

Ah, my good fell...

Hey! You leave our nets alone!

Sir, I am not seeking your prey.

I am seeking help.

That... there is a man who

attacked a damsel there, and...

I... I think as

I may have killed him.

No, sir, I am not killed,

though you and your wicked whore

might think so.

Whore, sir?

Gentlemen, you are

luckily come to rescue me.

They were robbing me!

Why, damn them.

We will take him

afore the justice.

The justice, sir? I...

On this, uh, 12th day of July,

during the reign of

His Majesty George Il...

Get on with it.

Get on with it.

They're as guilty as Judas.

Oh, come on.

Aw!

Do you call this justice?

You impertinent sinner.

We, uh, found on his person...

this suspicious book

of ciphers.

He may be

a spy against the government.

Ciphers?

A spy?

Some frog papist, no doubt.

Ciphers...

Why, 'tis but my Aeschylus.

Call it what you like--

it's foreign.

You...!

Sir, I demand to be heard!

This is a mockery!

This is a... a sham

of the English justice

which you have

sworn to uphold!

Even St. Paul, when arraigned

before the magistrate,

was able to cry...

What the devil

is he on about now?

Oh, he's lost me totally.

Foreign, again?

Squire Western!

Oh, Mr. Booby!

Ah... you're

in the nick of time, sir.

I was just being talked to death

by a foreign miscreant.

To what do I owe

this pleasure?

I'm on my way to Bath, Squire,

to present my future wife Pamela

to my aunt-- Lady Booby.

- Ooh, yes.

- My dear,

may I present Squire Western.

Delighted. Enchanted. Mmm!

A good childbearing stuff, eh?

Oh!

Yes.

Oh!

Tender down there, is it?

Oh, these damn coaches

are hell on the ass.

Uh...

Let's drink to copulation.

Why, Parson Adams.

A common foot poacher.

He'll hang.

You are mistaken, sir.

This is my aunt's parson--

a good man and a gentleman.

A gentleman?

If he's a gentleman,

he's innocent.

I've never hanged

a gentleman in my life.

Ah!

Come... wet your whistle

with this.

Yes.

And we'll string up

the wench, eh?

Sir, she is as innocent as I am.

These men have borne

false witness against us.

False witness?

I'll make an example of them.

You can be sure of that.

Sir, forgiveness is the greatest

Christian virtue.

Aw, bollocks.

The justice of this world

is often... very rough, child.

I got a natural antipathy

to vagabonds.

Joey!

And if he hangs tomorrow,

I don't give a fart!

Hangs, madam?

As long as there's

breath in my body,

he'll not go to the giblet.

Constable,

what must I disburse to

obtain this young person

into my custard?

Here's to rottin'.

Hmm! A trifle.

You got no compunction

at all, you know you haven't.

I do declare,

I've seen more Christianity

in a mo-hatma man.

Joey...

Joseph, I'll look after you.

There we are.

Joey?

Jo... Joey...

Come along.

Oh... don't run away again.

Perhaps, Lady Booby,

you would permit me to withdraw.

I am much fatigued,

and doubtless, you

and your nephew

have much to discuss.

She has withdrawn, dear aunt,

so that I can explain to you...

her background and past.

I trust, nephew, that she's not

some trollop or artiste

you have found in town.

Oh, certainly not, madam.

She is, in fact,

the sister of your footman,

Joseph Andrews.

What?!

Madam, I know she brings

no riches, no estates,

but her dowry is richer

for beauty, for virtue.

Joseph's sister?

I am... surprised.

Madam, none of our family

have need

of rich dowries.

It is our privilege

that we can marry for love.

By God, sir... you are right.

I have come to...

You have my blessing.

Madam,

this is the modern age.

One must marry who one wishes.

I drink to that.

Par bleu.

By God, I'll have him.

I've a mind to marry,

and no one shall stop me.

I always say, Joey,

that after journey,

when the body

has expired freely,

a drop of cologne gives one

a certain amount of allure.

Fanny!

Fanny!

Mr. Adams!

Mrs. Slipslop!

Who is that creature?

Mrs. Slipslop,

may I present...

Present me with no trollops!

Lady Booby shall hear of this!

Fanny... you will

be mine forever.

Parson Adams.

Hmm?

Join our hands

together instantly.

Instantly?

Unions of the soul

cannot be made instantly.

No, there are banns to be read,

and license to be obtained,

and I must have

full particulars of your...

uh, birth, your parentage.

No.

Now... you must both promise me

to wait

until the banns are read.

- Oh, but...

- Yes, Mr. Adams, we promise.

Joseph?

What is it, my love?

Joseph, can it ever be possible?

Of course, Fanny.

I don't even know

if that is my real name.

A foundling sold

to Booby Hall.

Every time I hear

the name Fanny Goodwill,

I wonder if it is mine.

Fanny Goodwill...

is the name dearest

in the world... to me.

Seven shillings, sir.

I have nothing.

And the ruffians stole my purse.

Can I help?

I regret, sir, a trifling sum...

seven shillings.

'Tis paid.

Would you not give us a song,

sir?

Or perhaps

you would prefer a sermon?

I will sing you...

the story of my life.

I marched

in foreign countries far

A'following

the soldier's star

When the war was won,

and the battling was done

A few men

still came home again

Yes, once I was

A soldier bold

I fought for country,

king and gold

But when I marched home,

I was left all alone

Till I met with a

raggle-taggle gypsy girl

With her coal-black hair

and her wanton ways

She quickly held

my heart in sway

And her little caravan

was soon filled with a man

When I rode with

my raggle-taggle gypsy girl

We roamed the country

around and around

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