Joshua

(drumroll)

(rousing orchestral

fanfare playing)

(fanfare ends)

(children laughing and playing)

(people cheering)

You're playing like

a bunch of little girls!

You're playing like a little girl!

Good, good hustle.

Good hustle!

Hustle!

What? Okay, I'm coming!

Sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry.

Excuse me!

We got to go.

Sorry.

We've got to go!

It's an emergency!

Come on, come on, buddy.

Hey!

Joshua, let's go!

Let's go, buddy.

Josh!

Oh...

Ah...

(horn blaring)

(baby crying)

(babies fussing and crying)

(woman speaking indistinctly

over P.A.)

Oh, my little worm.

Oh, God, I love her so much.

Hello, sweetie.

She looks like...

She...

(laughing)

(laughter continues)

Look at this little...

(laughing)

Hey.

Did it hurt, Mommy?

Oh, yeah, it did, but not anymore.

(piano playing gentle melody)

(piano continues playing)

Oh,you did?

- (speaking gibberish)

- (barks)

Oh, not you, Buster.

Oh, Buster!

Baby, I thought we were

keeping him locked up.

Okay, okay.

You been listening to Bartok?

(playing gentle melody)

I'll see your Bartok

and raise you one

Rodgers and Hammerstein.

You hammer any

of these nails yourself?

Uh, no, Dad, we had a contractor.

I can't imagine what that cost you.

Shame, nothing like putting

your own sweat into a home.

Oh, there's sweat in here,

believe me.

HAZEL:
By the way it's not rare

to have a grandmother

stay and help with the newborn.

- Oh, no...

- It would be my pleasure.

- No, Hazel.

- (baby fussing)

We're fine.

Are you sure, Abby?

Yes, Mom, we'll be fine.

- Because, you should have help.

- (fussing)

No.

HAZEL:
At least have a nanny.

I mean, isn't that what

rich people do in New York?

- Mom, we're fine, really.

- We're also not crazy

about this idea of

a stranger living here.

Well, you would hardly notice me.

(playing stops)

These ten little Indians

are all out of arrows.

Well, I hope you won't

make me sing, Ned.

A glorious light

should shine, Hazel.

(Hazel laughing)

You flatterer.

NED:

You know, I don't know

if you were interested

in seeing a show.

I can get you tickets.

HAZEL:
I only want to see

one of your shows, Ned.

Well, you're three years

too late on that one.

Aw, but what a success.

(begins playing classical piece)

Mmm, I suppose.

Oh, this is the piece that he's

playing for the school recital.

Uh-huh. Can he play, like,

"Jesus is my Savior" or...

BRAD:

I don't think so, Mom.

Oh, that's a shame.

(continues playing)

Abby, do you think

you could part with that

bundle of joy for just a second?

I need some cuddle time.

Oh!

Oh, precious little lady.

Look at you!

Oh, well, she sure has that

solid-as-a-rock Cairn chin,

doesn't she?

JOE:

You can tell she's salt of the earth.

You can just tell.

So, sis... how is everything?

Fine, how are you?

I'm fine, how are you feeling?

I'm feeling fine.

I'm good... I am.

Neddy, I'm good, I'm great even.

No blues? No blahs?

Nope.

'Cause I have some exquisite

medication I can get you.

(laughs):

No, it's nothing like last time.

Nothing.

Good.

(playing grows louder)

ABBY:

Joshua.

Do you think we could have

a little intermission?

Hmm?

I wonder how many rats

live in this building?

Joshua.

I'm guessing at least a hundred.

Joshua!

Do you think we can keep

it quiet for the baby?

(muffled hammering)

HAZEL:

What's that?

Lunch break is probably over.

That's, uh...

that's gut renovation

on the penthouse.

JOE:

How charming.

You baptizing this one?

Oh, well, you know, since we

didn't baptize Joshua, we're...

ABBY:

Yeah, I think it's time for Lily's nap.

So that's a no to baptism?

BRAD:

Uh, I think, you know, we're going to let

our kids make up their

own minds about religion.

Hey, why don't we all

sing Lily a sleep tight song?

ABBY:

Good idea.

NED:

Come on, everybody.

- Come on.

- All right.

BRAD:

It's going to be okay.

It's okay, Ma.

- (single note plays on piano)

- (baby fussing)

- (playing piano)

- # Twinkle, twinkle, little star #

# How I wonder what you are #

# Up above the world so high #

# Like a diamond in the sky #

# Twinkle, twinkle...#

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my Lord.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

(Joshua retching)

BRAD:

You feeling better?

What's going on over here?

Did you feed Nero today?

Yeah?

Dad?

Yeah.

I don't like soccer.

I-I thought I did,

and I wanted to...

but I don't.

Oh...

Well, you know, that's...

that's okay, you know?

I don't like baseball either.

Well, that's all right.

You ch... you do something else.

You can do whatever you want.

You know?

Do you ever feel weird, Dad?

Weird?

Yeah, yeah, sometimes.

Like if I don't exercise

for a while

or wake up in the middle

of a dream...

or have too much

coffee or something.

Do you ever feel weird about me?

(laughs softly)

Your weird son?

No.

No, no, no, no, not at all.

Not at all.

You know that magic trick

where the magician puts

the person in the box

and spins the box

and makes the person disappear?

Yeah?

I know how that trick is done.

If you look carefully, you can tell.

Well, you know, hey,

maybe magic is your thing.

We could take you to a magic store.

Get you some tricks.

You know, you don't have to love me.

That's not like a rule or something.

But I do love you.

You're my son. You're my boy.

I'll always love you,

no matter what.

Okay?

(static clicking softly)

(low breathy sound over monitor)

Brad.

BRAD:

Mm?

Brad.

Hmm?

Do you hear that?

Hmm? What?

I think there's someone

in the baby's room.

(static clicking softly)

No, that's static, sweetie.

No, there's someone in Lily's room.

Abby, wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Sweetie?

Abby.

Damn it.

She's breathing, right?

She's fine, sweetie.

She's fine.

I thought she was choking

or something.

It's amazing how tiny they are.

ABBY:

It's almost heartbreaking.

(piano music begins playing

classical piece)

(piano continues playing)

(baby cooing)

Hey, did you walk the dog?

Okay, let's roll, little man.

(mumbles)

(baby fussing)

Oh.

Oh, don't cry.

(piano continues playing)

Um, yeah, put it on the...

put it on the desk.

All right, thanks a lot.

Listen, hey, I'm running late.

I got to... Okay.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

High five. Down low.

Two. Hey, hey, come on.

You all right?

Okay.

I'll see you later.

Hey!

(continues playing

classical piece)

Did you solve them all already?

(piano continues playing)

And ten million's the minimum

for this particular fund.

Of course... of course

we would love your support,

but ten is the number.

It's not six.

(mumbles)

(whispers)

Yeah.

(piano continues playing)

(slide projector clicks)

WOMAN:

Okay, now let's

take a moment talking

about how and why

these ancient people

embalmed their dead.

BOY:

Mummies?

Yes, mummies.

(laughs)

Oh, you're like a bird

trapped in a garage.

Yeah. That's...

Come on.

Serve.

(whistle blows)

(piano continues playing)

(piano continues playing)

(door opening)

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