Josie and the Pussycats Page #3

make a record, and poor Alan M

will have to stay behind...

in Riverdale

all alone with me.

I cannot believe they let you

bring me to the city with you.

Shh.

What?

I had to tell them that

you're my guitar tech, so...

Guitar tech. Right.

You know what?

I still don't understand why you're here.

- I'm here because I was in the comic book.

- What?

Nothing.

Whoa!

What's up, big butt?

Shut up.

Hey, you guys.

You know how people always

say that this is the life?

I think this is when they say it.

- Private plane.

- Record deal.

Coasters.

Loads ofcash.

Scratch that.

We still poor.

- Pardon? Hang on.

- #I want to know why you are... #

Yes?

At least I don't think

I need this anymore.

Riverdale muni bus pass.

Guys, you know what?

We have the only bus-passes with

three people in the picture.

It's not my fault you both

jumped in on mine.

Okay, no, you both

jumped in on mine.

We should keep these.

Remind us where we came from.

Hey, listen, let's promise

each other something...

right here and right now, okay?

No matter what happens...

If we become huge stars...

or if we end up hitchhiking

back to Riverdale,

we will always

be friends first and a band second.

- Friends first.

- Friends first.

- I swear on my bus pass?

- I swear on my bus pass.

Don't worry, Lex.

We're not going to have

any trouble with these girls.

Oh, no.

Geez. It's so huge.

Oh, this is only the beginning.

Are you sure you should be

putting that up already?

I mean, we haven't even

recorded anything yet.

What if you don't like it?

What if nobody likes it?

Don't worry.

If you screw up, we'll just

put somebody else up there.

- Hey, Wyatt?

- Hmm?

They've got our name wrong.

Hmm?

We're not Josie and the Pussycats.

We're just the Pussycats.

Oh, no, Josie's the singer.

The public needs someone

out front to identify with.

Trust me.

Our studies have shown

that bands that have the word

"and" in the title...

sell twice as many records

as those that don't.

What about the Beatles

or the Rolling Stones?

Yes, if you want to split hairs,

yes, of course, obviously.

Yes, yes, but, come on.

Would you be more

interested in a band called

simply the Pussycats,

or are you more likely to

buy a CD or read a comic...

or watch a cartoon

or go and see a movie about

a trio of luscious ladies...

called Josie and the Pussycats?

Hmm?

It does have a nice ring to it.

Oh, yes.

Hey!

Oh, so sorry, Valerie.

I had no idea you weren't in here.

Ha, ha. Come on.

More coasters.

What did I tell you, Fiona?

It couldn't be better.

Just think Christina Aguliera

times three except one of them

is incredibly tan...

or else T.L.C.

with two white chicks...

or, um, Hole!

Wyatt, I get it without

the stupid analogies.

Put them in the studio tomorrow.

We'll talk later.

The feds are here with some foreigners.

I've got to give them the tour.

- You won't be disappointed.

- I'd better not be.

We can't afford

another Dujour disaster.

Welcome.

I'm sure you're wondering

why Agent Kelly and

the United States government...

would be so interested in what

appears to be a record company.

Well, I'm about

to show you why.

This... is what our operation

really does.

Blue is the new orange.

This is where it starts...

the fads, the fashions,

the product placement.

From this command center,

we control the most influential

demographic of the population.

We decide everything...

from what clothes are in style

to what slang is in vogue.

Feather tank tops,

matching pants. Kind of

a Buffy meets Chicken Run.

Feathers are

the new rhinestones.

The new word for cool

will be "jerkin'," as in,

"Dude, that's jerkin'."

That's dirty.

This is the epicenter

of all trends.

We turn your world into

one giant TV commercial.

But how, you may ask, can

our operation be so effective?

Sure these kids have brains

like Play-Doh, just waiting

to be molded into shape,

but something else

must be going on, right?

The Chinese guy knows

what I'm talking about.

To answer some of your questions,

we've produced a short educational film.

Lights!

Hello. I'm Eugene Levy,

and, yes, I'm an actor.

And, I said cappuccino.

I'm here to talk to you

about something very important.

No, it's not about me

or my career.

I'm here to talk about

subliminal messages

in rock-and-roll music...

or as it's simply known

in some cultures... rock music.

For years the government

has been wisely coercing teenagers...

to buy products they normally wouldn't want

just to get their money.

Fact:
Kids don't have bills to pay.

Fact:
They don't pay taxes,

but they do baby-sit

and hold minimum-wage jobs...

that earn them wads of cash as

thick as, well, my body of work.

But these kids today aren't dumb.

They're not going

to buy just anything.

That's why the government has

been planting small subliminal

advertising suggestions...

in today's rock music.

The results?

We can now get these kids

to buy just about anything.

We can have them chasing

a new trend every week,

and that is good

for the economy.

What's good for the economy

is good for the country.

So God bless the United States ofAmerica,

the most ass-kickin' country in the world.

How can you control the rock bands?

What if they find out

about the hidden messages

in their music?

Ever wonder why so many rock

stars die in plane crashes?

Overdose on drugs!

We've been doing this

a long time.

If they start to get too curious,

our options are endless.

Bankruptcy, shocking scandals,

religious conversions.

We've created a highly-rated TV show...

just to explain what happens to these people.

Wow.

The walls are mushy.

We brought some equipment in.

I assume it's to yourliking.

They're brand new.

I like this.

It's got shiny knobs.

No. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

That we do not touch.

It's only the most expensive

piece of equipment

in the studio.

The Megasound 8000.

Although the name sounds

ominous, it's actually

just a high-tech processor.

How does it work?

Why do you need to know that?

What is it, a big secret or something?

A big secret.

Wyatt's got a secret.

It's not a secret. Stop it.

I'll tell you. I'll show you.

Play a little something for me, would you?

Perfect! Now, this will

just take a moment.

And now I'll play it back with megasound.

Is that us?

It sounds so...

- I want a Big Mac.

- What?

Mel, you're a vegetarian.

I know, but suddenly I want one. Maybe

on the way back to the hotel?

Okay, as long as we can

stop by Foot Locker too.

I'm dying for a pair

of old-school Tretorns.

Jerkin' Tretorns are the new Adidas.

Ladies, now should I drop you

back at Riverdale Mall, or re

you ready to make a record?

Come on!

One, two. One, two, three.

This is the best CD ever!

Yeah, and I want some Gatorade.

Gatorade is the new Snapple!

- This must be a misprint.

- Yea!

- Wait!

Does anyone else think

it's a little strange that

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