Joven y alocada Page #2

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What sadness, Daniela.

What dishonor to your

parents, who love the Lord,

to have a daughter like you,

don't you think?

You can't carry on soiling

the sanctity of this school.

But there's less than a month left

for the college placement test.

It's over, Daniela.

You can't come back to this school.

We won't tolerate you any longer.

I got kicked out of school.

May her health be to your glory.

Let's go to the hospital.

Her fever is too high.

Hallelujah Lord.

Glorify yourself in her.

Lord, give us your peace in

order to accept your will.

In the name of Jesus,

Lord, we bless you.

Careful, careful.

Lord, give us your peace

to accept your will.

In the name of Jesus.

Lord, we bless you.

You're not going out for a year.

You won't see anyone either.

Not even Pa.

You're not even going out

to the corner to buy bread.

No internet either.

And tomorrow, I'm signing you up

for We Are the Light of the World.

You hear me?

Oh, sh*t.

We Are the Light of the World? Sh*t.

A ship that sails out of Ecuador

and stops at a million ugly cities,

the kind where Evangelicals

are eaten alive,

where they throw stones at Evangelicals,

and the Evangelics'

eyes are shiny and bright

with missionary emotion, with martyrdom.

But, Mom,

I'm almost 18.

You can't do that to me.

Shut up.

Hey.

I'm not dead yet.

Danielita?

Could you ask your father

to call the pastor, hmm?

I don't think that it's a good idea.

And I'm not only saying it for her.

I'm also saying it for you.

Do you want her to get

closer to the Lord or not?

She's not going to do it like this.

Why don't you try to

get her to finish school?

No.

I don't want her to go on that trip.

GOZPEL 1:
4 LAKE OF FIRE BY YOUNG & WILD

Where milk and honey flow...

They walk and walk and walk,

and they never get there.

Poor, poor Moses,

because when they're about to arrive,

all of them feeling very thirsty,

God tells him...

Mother, they could have

kicked me out of school

for setting a classroom on fire,

for poisoning a classmate,

for killing a teacher,

and you would have cared less

than expulsion for fornication.

Because your main commandment

is not "thou shalt not kill"

or "thou shalt love

thy neighbor as thyself"

or blah, blah, blah;

your main commandment is

"thou shalt not fornicate. "

And I, fornicator,

I am sent to the Evangeloon TV Station

where no one fornicates.

A life of partying...

I went out at night,

and I would look at

myself in the mirror,

and each time I went out,

I would look at myself in the mirror.

And I would say to myself-

I would say, "Yes, I'm pretty. "

But I felt that I was missing something.

I wasn't happy.

And that something...

was Jesus Christ.

How did you meet the Lord, ma'am?

It was really crazy.

I was walking down

Providencia. I love Providencia.

And suddenly, I sat down.

I collapsed on one of the

benches in Providencia,

and I said, "I can't take it anymore. "

And a man tells me-

he approaches me and

touches my shoulder-

"God loves you. "

That simple.

And I was frozen.

And I said, "God loves me!"

A person he hasn't seen,

that he doesn't know.

God loves me.

But, Mother, you may punish me,

but I can do whatever I want

in the name of my dirty poonani.

I can do anything in the

name of the man of God

who I can't stop looking at.

Mother, I'm going to write you a poem

that rhymes and everything.

I'll take what's in store.

Your punishment I'll endure.

As for this man of

God, I'll be his whore.

Hello.

Let's go.

Were those your work colleagues?

Do you work with them?

No, I'm the gofer.

You were there all day, I suppose.

Look, I'm asking just

one thing from you.

Don't do anything at the TV station

that could embarrass me, okay?

Oh, Mom.

What did you have to do?

Coding.

Coding. That's nice.

What is it?

Something boring.

What are you thinking about?

Of what I would answer when you asked

what was I thinking about.

Well, I try to talk to you. I try.

And you:
nothing.

Quiet. Always quiet.

Don't you want us to get closer?

I don't know.

The mechanism was as follows:

I would leave, hidden among my panties,

the love letters,

my extremely private journal,

go to school, come back,

and Mother would say,

"By chance I found... "

Or, "I was cleaning, and I found... "

Or, "I found this on the floor... "

And what she had found was always

the journal or the love letters

that were filled with drawings of c*cks

because of this boyfriend

I had who didn't know

how to write a love-love letter.

Mother is a spy,

a kind of spy that's not

ashamed of getting caught.

Once, a Rolling Stone issue

in which Charly Garca bragged

about how some chick gave him head

under the piano during a concert.

"I threw it out," she says.

"I threw it out because it's perverse. "

My aunt gives me the Rolling

Stone Mother threw out

and says, "Keep it safe. "

Keep it safe.

Mother is a great censor.

Aunt is a great rescuer.

Mother got baptized in a swimming pool.

Hallelujah. Hallelujah, ma'am.

Aunt got baptized in a lake.

Mother never swears.

Aunt says f*** when she drives.

F***!

Mother is married to Father.

My aunt has had hundreds of boyfriends

but never gets married.

Mother gripes all the

time but never gets sick.

Aunt hardly ever gripes and gets cancer.

I don't know who decided

that cancer comes from

bottling up a little pain

in your heart or wherever.

I don't know who decided

that Aunt had to get sick.

God?

There are two things in this

world that have no limits:

Aunt's love and Spy-Mom's spying.

There's one thing in this

world that has no answer:

what am I going to do

without Aunt's love?

What will Spy-Mom do to me then?

I ran into your mom at the supermarket.

Creepy-

She looked at me with an evil face.

Slut, slut, slut.

Introduce me to your

mom. I bet she's hot!

I'll huff and I'll puff, and

my dick in you I'll stuff.

What's up between you and

your mommy, sweetheart?

Barbage, the tigress of the west.

Holy snatch, Tigress!

What a difficult question.

I don't know.

So many shitty things

that I don't know how

to say them in this blog.

Actually, what the hell.

I'm not sure if mother loves me, really.

Whatever, I don't

know. It's too personal.

I once read in a

Cosmopolitan about a trick

on how to suck dick with an

ice cube inside your mouth.

I never got it.

XOXO Young!

Will I ever meet you someday?

GOZPEL 1:
5 A. & T. BY YOUNG & WILD

Now comes the interrogation.

I saw you on the street last Sunday.

Yeah?

I was in a car with my parents.

That's why I didn't say hi.

On your way to your sect?

On my way back. What were you doing?

I don't remember. Was I by myself?

Weren't you coming back from your sect?

I don't go to church.

But your uncle is the

TV station's director.

What's the matter? Is that weird?

It's just

- I don't understand

Why you'd work at that station

if you're not forced to.

I live on my own.

I pay for college, feed my cat.

What's its name?

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