Julien Donkey-Boy Page #2

There's no real infant

clothes on the table.

It's mostly in boxes.

I don't know what I'm gonna have,

so I have to get,

you know, both.

I think it might be

a boy, though.

- First one?

- I think it might be a boy.

- First one?

- Yeah.

You'll be blessed, then.

I might have seen

a teeny weenie on the sonogram.

Yeah, well, that means

you're blessed.

- First baby.

- My first baby.

They say your womb is blessed

when you have a boy first.

- Really?

- Yeah.

That's kind of sexist,

don't you think?

I don't know. They say,

"First a boy, second a girl."

The girls come in after

the boys, you know that.

Do you have 25c?

No, I don't.

I'm sorry.

- Here you go. Good luck.

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

How are you doing?

So now I'm gonna do

an internal on you, okay?

Okay.

You're gonna feel some jelly.

It's a little cold.

Just try to relax.

You'll feel my fingers, okay?

- Are you all right?

- Mm-hmm.

Okay, everything feels good...

Getting big.

Head is down.

Okay.

Good.

All right, you can put

your legs together.

- Who's the father?

- Father?

Why is the wind blind?

The wind is blind.

The wind's actually blind.

'Cause...

'cause the wind's a breeze.

The breeze's a zephyr. The zephyr's

a yarn, a yarn is a tale.

I can't get over it.

I can't get over it.

I can't get--

I can't get over it.

You know what I mean?

I like hers as well.

I like hers as well.

LAPD, NYPD, NYPD...

If you make the hill

go downhill,

it's gonna be a lot easier.

You make it go downhill.

It's gonna be much easier.

The hill's going up.

Mostly the hill goes up.

You get a hill

that goes downhill,

gonna be much, much easier.

All the way, Hosanna Bay...

Excuse me? Excuse me?

Do you know my family tree?

Is my family tree this tree,

or that tree?

- I don't know.

- I had a family in my tree--

I got one--

to the other tree.

It's hard to tell.

It's hard to tell.

One way you are,

the other way you are.

The only way is the NYPD.

Don't want to argue with the NYPD.

LAPD, NYPD.

I love the NYPD.

My friends and my brother.

My friends and my brother.

You do not know

what you are asking.

Can you drink of the cup

I am to drink of?

Jesus...

then said...

'You know how those

who exercise authority--'"

God is looking on me

with disgust.

Jesus has been seeing me.

He thinks that

I should not be...

a member of the church

community any longer,

and I just feel

very difficult.

But those sentiments

aren't from God,

nor from Christ.

And it flies in the face

of all that we've been taught

about God and the ministry

of God and Jesus.

The Father

is compassionate,

and His rain falls upon

the just and the unjust.

His sun shines upon the good

and the wicked,

because that's how He is.

God is good, and God is love.

There's no room in God

for looking upon

a child of His with disgust,

or wanting to cast him out

from the body of Christ

or something like that.

So these are thoughts

that we can impose on ourselves,

or actually the power

of darkness can,

as it were,

whisper them in our ear.

But I really have to say to you

that they're not from God.

Have you ever done

counseling with anybody,

or therapy with anybody?

Or psychotherapy?

No, I haven't.

We have a counseling center

I'll give you that, all right?

I give that to you because there

are names and phone numbers there.

They can be helpful

for a phone conversation,

or just to come in one time

and have a talk,

you know,

this kind of thing.

But there's no reason

for a young man like yourself

to think that being

either anxious or stressful

is an untreatable situation.

- Thank you very much.

- All right.

I'll give you a blessing

before you go.

- All right?

- Thank you, Father.

- Very good.

- Thank you very much.

Sometimes I get

sinful thoughts.

My mom told me

when I was six years old,

that all I have to do

is grab the energy.

I don't have the strength.

I don't have the body.

I have to have the energy.

I grab the stake,

and that's it.

- Look at her.

- She's got the energy.

Yeah, yeah,

but it's backwards.

Is it a Rittberger?

I don't know what it is.

Who cares what it is?

Look at her do that. See?

- That is not gonna be an ace.

- Wanna bet?

There it is again.

You're are cheating.

You are cheating all the time.

- What?

- You're cheating all the time.

What?

Cards up my sleeve?

I don't think so.

You're hiding

the aces somewhere.

I wouldn't say

up your sleeves.

No sleeves.

See? No sleeves.

But the aces are there.

It's true.

I'll tell you what,

it's as simple as that...

When you're born different,

stuff happens.

Some stuff's good,

some stuff's bad.

For me,

it worked out.

Not an ace again.

There won't be an ace again.

Sure you don't want to bet

any money on this?

There it is again.

Anything's possible.

It's magic.

It's these magic toes.

She's got magic toes, too,

but hers are in skates.

How do you do that?

I told you,

I learned it as a kid.

It was my equalizer.

If you're born without arms,

You learn to use your feet.

That's the physical part.

The rest, that's where

you learn.

It's the attitude.

Look, she's got attitude, too.

You come over here

and pout about your world,

and I'm telling you, you have

to adopt a positive attitude.

It's not like those people on TV

that sell you stuff, it's real life.

It's like the ace

that keeps coming up.

We're not on TV,

we're real life.

Grab it!

Grab it and shut up!

Top one?

The top one?

It could be any one.

It could be in the middle.

It could be anywhere.

It's on top.

There it is again.

Attitude.

Positive thinking--

I know it sounds like crap,

but it works for me.

- You're a cheater.

- You're my friend.

I don't do to hurt you,

I do it to show you a lesson,

to help you learn, buddy.

Come on, Chris.

Why don't you take

this dress?

What you want me

to do with it?

- It belonged to your mom.

- Yeah?

She wore it

when we got married.

Why don't you put it on?

It's very nice.

You're the only one

who looks like your mother.

Show me the other one.

It's a summer dress.

Just put it on, Chris.

Just put it on...

and dance with me.

No.

Since your mother left,

I've never danced.

I'm gonna give you $10.

No.

Come on.

That's a lot of money.

As much as a guy

earns in Bangladesh

for a whole month.

Working in the field,

he earns that much.

It's a lot of money.

A whole family lives on that.

Come on, Chris.

Hey!

Captured! Stop!

Stay! Stop!

Captured!

Stop moving!

Shut up!

It wasn't me.

You're a dead man, sonny.

Don't ever come back.

Don't ever come back.

Like in 1980, when you come back.

You ate like a cancer.

You f***ing--

you killed the Jews,

you killed the hippies.

You killed all

the mother's titties.

You're a f***ing cancer.

You come back in the 1980s

dressed as a sheriff.

You're here in my bedroom!

Motherfuckin' bedroom wall!

What you doing?

What you doing?

Answer me! Answer me!

Answer! Answer! Answer!

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