Jumping the Broom Page #4

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kept this jewel hidden from us?

-My apologies.

-Thank you.

We are so sorry you couldn't make it

to lunch with us last month.

You all went to lunch together?

-Where?

-21 .

-21 .

-It was phenomenal.

Well, Jason told us that you were busy.

Busy?

It was really last-minute, Mom.

Well, Mrs. Taylor, allow me to show you

and Shondra to your living quarters.

This way, please.

It's Shonda.

Here we go.

"It's a family secret"? What was that?

If I can't have your cookies,

you can't have my pies.

Hello! Maid of honor in the house!

Blythe! Oh, my goodness!

Look at you, you look so good.

You are just in time to counsel the

bride with a mother-in-law situation.

Well, as long as you pay me in Mot.

-Done. Come on.

-Let's do it.

Excuse me.

How you doing? I'm Malcolm. And you are?

-Blythe.

-Blythe, Blythe, Blythe.

So, I hear you the maid of honor.

Well, I'm the best man,

so there's gotta be some kind of ritual

we can do

to get to know each other better.

There is. There is.

It's called stop touching me.

-Okay.

-Bellini, lovely.

Bellini?

Now, that's that boomerang game,

brother.

-She gonna come back.

-Okay.

No, I mean, I feel so fresh.

You didn't use that thing, did you?

You know I did.

And you know what I realize?

That rich people are not happy

because of the money.

They're happy because of the bidets.

The bidets make you wanna go out

and make more money

-so you could buy some more bidets.

-Listen,

they have those bidets

because they're full of it.

What, you brought a broom?

Honey, this isn't just any broom.

This is the broom that Mike

and I jumped when we got married.

You know, I don't know

why I feel like a bald-headed stepchild

at my own son's wedding.

And all that talk about

they didn't have time

for her to come across the bridge

and meet me is just a lie.

Then they gonna go to 21 without me.

Yeah, Jason, he should've told you.

There's no reason why they should've

had that party without you or me.

It wasn't Jason.

He'd never do that to me.

It was that little ugly girl

in that teeny tiny dress.

-Oh, my God!

-What is it?

Rich folks got good taste in property,

but bad taste in snacks.

Knock, knock!

-Hi.

-Hi.

I hope everything's okay with the room.

So, I just...

I wanted to make sure we're all set

for the fitting tomorrow morning.

-Fitting?

-Yeah, Jason didn't tell you?

He's such a man.

I bought you two dresses to choose from.

-For?

-The wedding.

Honey, no. I dress myself. Thank you.

I know,

but, you see, I wanted everyone

to wear the same shade of buff tomorrow,

for the optics.

Optics?

The photographs.

You mean pictures? Well, then just

say pictures. Say pictures.

-Pictures.

-Well, if you had mentioned a dress

in that lovely text message

you sent yesterday,

then I would not have gone out

and bought this one.

I mean, this got buff.

Buff, that's white, right?

White is buff?

-See? Lot of white in this.

-Yeah, kind of, but...

It's just...

Would you mind wearing one

of the dresses?

I'll have my father reimburse you.

You don't mind, do you?

It's just, it's my wedding,

and I was hoping that...

Okay, okay, I'll wear your dress.

Really?

Thank you!

I was...

Sorry. Just...

Okay. Well...

I hope you enjoy the box.

My mom made it special.

I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner.

And I really think you're gonna love

either one of the dresses.

Buff usually looks good on everyone.

Just as a general rule of thumb, so...

Okay.

Girl, I'm really proud of you.

I mean, really, that anger management

class must've really paid off.

That is strike three.

Who shows up with extra weekend guests?

It's just so...

Ghetto?

I was gonna say simple.

Mre Claudine would have put them back

on the ferry

faster than they could say

"sweet potato pie."

She nearly banned Gregory's parents

from our wedding.

They never acted up again.

I wish I could say the same

for their son.

There's nothing wrong with Gregory.

He invited his mistress to the wedding.

You don't know that to be true.

Mabel, I'm not a fool.

The signs have been there for a while.

Well, that Mrs. Taylor may be backwards,

but she sure can make a pie.

Mrs. Watson? There you are.

Hey. Hi, Mabel.

-Oh, Lord.

-So, I told Chef about our extra guests,

and he said, "There's no more chicken."

So, I suggested he serve salmon.

Well, he said they seem

like chicken people to him.

And I thought that sounded

a little bit offensive,

but given the history of our country,

I didn't think I was the one

who should point that out.

I really need him on my side

to pull this whole thing off.

So, anyway, bottom line,

he refuses to make any new chicken

because he's already seasoned

the RSVP'd chicken, so, you know, help.

Thanks.

Hoods are good for a roll in the hay,

but you don't marry them.

I do agree with you,

but Jason has become a bootstrapper.

Hoods, bootstrappers, same thing.

I know, right?

Then the ushers take the mother

of the bride

and mother of the groom to their seats

on opposite sides of the aisle.

Dude, they're looking at me, ain't they?

Yeah, they're looking.

I ain't marrying nothing.

Talkin' about some China. Right.

I bet you good money that girl pregnant.

That's the only reason Jason would be

getting married this quick, bro.

No, I don't believe she's pregnant.

And I don't think Jason would

appreciate you spreading that rumor.

I ain't spreading a rumor,

I'm talking to you.

Okay, well,

maybe you should be talking to Jason.

What is that, that's your role here,

the rumor police?

No, I am a colleague.

Goldman Sachs, maybe you heard of it?

-No. -And the best man

takes his place right here.

Ricky, please.

-Wait, wait.

-Right this way.

-You the best man?

-Yeah.

Ricky, if I could get you up here.

-Hey, your cousin's hilarious.

-What's he up to now?

I don't know, he seems really interested

in you and Sabrina's love life.

Well, that makes two of us.

But in 23 more hours, guess what?

-I will be good to go.

-Okay.

How long have they been dating,

like, six months, right?

I guess they think it's romantic.

Well, I don't know. He might be

getting it from somewhere else

'cause the only guy I know

wait six months to have sex

is either on the low-down

or the down-low.

True.

I want you to be honest with me.

I'm gonna ask you something.

I wanna know right now.

-God, here we go.

-'Cause I know you, all right?

How are you doing this?

Let's see.

Lot of baby oil, medicated Vaseline.

-They have this new stuff...

-Okay, pause.

You asked. Let's just say

I've been handling the situation.

Yeah, apparently, for six months.

Yeah, six months. And guess what?

For Sabrina, I'd go another six months.

Just don't tell her I said that,

'cause I don't wanna give her any ideas.

I mean, seriously, like, what kind

of man waits that long to have sex?

The kind of man

I'm about to marry tomorrow.

And stop talking about me

and worry about your own sad situation.

Where'd this come from?

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