Jumping the Broom Page #5

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The married one, or the

investment banker or the footballer?

-I can't keep up with you, Blythe.

-All of them.

Well, excuse me,

Miss "I-made-a-deal-with-God."

Just remember that I knew you when.

Yes, and you are going to be quiet

about that.

I am not talking about that

this weekend.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-You do you and I'll do me.

-Fine.

On that note, I'm gonna go get

another glass of champagne. This one.

-Blythe!

-Darling, your secrets are safe with me.

I don't understand this obsession

with chicken.

Come on, people,

put some pep in your step.

Let's go, people.

They're getting hungry outside.

And if these are not going out,

put 'em on ice, please.

Getting hot out there.

Pardon me.

-Excuse me.

-Excuse me.

-Excuse me.

-Watch the stove. It's hot.

Blythe.

Chef.

Excuse me.

We need to talk.

Could you pick a worse time?

You've always been great

at recognizing a moment.

Our guests are about to arrive.

Sarcasm is something

your family always used

to keep from actually

talking to each other.

I'm getting pretty tired of it.

You shouldn't be out here

cleaning in this hot sun.

-Don't you worry, Miss. I'm okay.

-Is sunscreen something you would use?

-No.

-No.

So, is that Jason's crew?

Slim pickings, right?

Ricky's kind of cute, but what's up

with the pressed khakis and Top-Siders?

Analysis. He bought those clothes

to impress and look the part,

hoping that he would rub elbows

and maybe come up like Jason.

Don't talk about my boo like that.

You know, if you'd stop dating

from that crazy list of yours,

you might actually find a decent man.

I don't have a list.

You don't have a list?

I don't!

Okay, let's see, lvy League,

not by scholarship. Seven-figure salary.

Black Card, seasoned at least one year.

Laughs at all your jokes

and loves your mama.

Need I say more?

But what are you guys saying,

that I should lower my standards?

-Yeah.

-Yes!

-What?

-Because it's based in fantasy.

You gotta look through different eyes.

Open your mind to other possibilities.

Ladies, hey.

Sorry for ear-hustling over there,

but I agree with her.

You should open your eyes

to different possibilities.

See? No lvy League.

Seven figures? Not at all. Close

to five some years when I'm working.

But I get you, Blythe.

We should hook up.

-You and me.

-I'm a hermaphrodite.

I don't care what your religion is.

-It's more about us.

-Wow!

It's nature.

Listen, baby, this is the

perfect weekend, right? There's...

-Ladies?

-Thank you.

Caviar is very fresh. You should try it.

Blythe, right?

Yeah.

I have something I want you to try.

Why don't you come with me?

Okay.

Excuse me.

What, what... What just happened?

-Thanks for rescuing me.

-My pleasure.

Thank you, sir.

I'm sorry.

I'm Sebastian.

I'm Shonda.

So, I'm guessing

you're a friend of the groom?

I'm his mama's best friend.

I'm the bride's cousin.

How old are you?

I'll be a senior next year at Yale.

Cheers. Okay, take care.

Try this.

No.

You feel that tingle of the champagne

on your lips?

And the smooth and gentle texture

of the body between your teeth?

And, finally, the explosive finish

on your tongue?

-You know, the shrimp are cold.

-They're supposed to be that way, Mom.

I'm not having any of this food.

I'm hungry.

Who in our family eats oysters?

And when did you start eating oysters?

God, I mean, you love my cooking.

Why didn't you just run the menu by me?

Because all I did was write the check,

Mom.

These folk have all the money in the

world and they got you paying for this?

-Mom, look at this.

-No, you look at this.

Now, this is not you.

I know you. You love greens.

You will not eat a meal without greens,

-and I don't see a green anywhere.

-Mom? Mom.

I'll have the chef makes us

our own pot of greens.

With neck bones.

That stanky chef don't know nothing

-about no neck bones.

-Turkey neck bones,

-just like you make 'em.

-Well. Yes, okay.

Now, this pool is nothing. I have

a friend who's got a big, big pool.

-It goes way up...

-Mom, come on.

It's true.

Hey, everybody, if I could just

get your attention for a second.

I wanted to take a moment

to welcome you all to our home

and to thank you for sharing

this special occasion with us.

Good friends and family,

we appreciate how hard it was

to come here without much notice.

For that, you can thank Sabrina.

-Yes.

-Baby girl,

she is impulsive and spontaneous.

She's got a good mind and a huge heart.

And I love her.

Thank you, Dad.

And now Jason's uncle, Willie Earl,

will be giving the blessing.

-Willie Earl. Willie Earl.

-What's happening, Pam?

Okay.

Heavenly Father, dear Lord,

thank you for these gifts.

And thank you for being merciful,

even to those

who do not appreciate your generosity.

Dear Lord,

they're sitting in their expensive cars,

Lord, and they wear their fancy clothes,

and they think

that they alone are responsible

for everything they have.

-But, Lord, we know the truth, don't we?

-This is not a blessing.

-Hey, baby, just breathe.

-We know that the meek...

The meek shall inherit the Earth.

Thank you, Jesus.

Hallelujah! Amen! Bon appetit.

-What was that? What was that?

-Just breathe.

Your mother said

that I could give the blessing.

Well, if that was a blessing,

you going to hell.

That was completely inappropriate.

I'm inappropriate?

Where are my people? Where is my family?

Well, aren't we all gonna be family

after tomorrow?

That's right. After tomorrow, it's on.

We're already all one big family, right?

-Baby, let it go. -Yes, and this food

is really hitting the spot.

I'll have to work it off tomorrow

with the Electric Slide. Let's have fun.

To the left, to the left,

to the right, to the right.

Actually, Jason and I told the DJ

not to encourage the slide, you know,

so I don't want you

to look forward to that.

Y'all don't do the Electric Slide? What

y'all do, the Riverdance or something?

No, Willie Earl. It's just so cliche,

you know.

They do it at the end

of every black wedding, and we just...

Well, it figures

that your kind would think that way.

-Mom.

-Here we go.

"Your kind?"

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the

Electric Slide was a cultural necessity.

Well, the Electric Slide at a black

wedding is just like jumping the broom.

-Yeah, right.

-You're gonna jump the broom?

No.

-What?

-Namaste.

Remember anger management, okay?

Just calm down.

Jason, enough is enough.

You've got to jump the broom.

-Mom, we just...

-Mrs. Taylor,

Jason and I decided we wanted

everything to be simple, elegant.

Modern.

Would a Jewish couple get married

without breaking the glass?

We're not Jewish.

I didn't say you were Jewish.

The slaves were not allowed to marry.

Jumping the broom was the only way

that they could show their union.

Now, we have done that in this family

for years.

It is a tradition.

It's gone on for generations.

And, as you say,

it is a cultural necessity.

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