Juno Page #2

JUNO:

(examining stick)

I don't know. It's not... seasoned

yet. Wait. Huh. Yeah, there's that

pink plus sign again. God, it's

unholy.

She shakes the stick desperately in an attempt to skew the

results. Shake. Shake. Nothing.

ROLLO:

That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch. This is

one doodle that can't be undid,

homeskillet.

EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - EVENING

Juno walks slowly and dejectedly up the street to her house,

gnawing on the Super Rope. She stops and loops the Super

Rope over a low-hanging tree branch, contemplating how to

fashion a noose.

Juno trudges toward her HOUSE. The yard is a wild tangle of

prairie grass and wild flowers.

INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - JUNO'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Juno's BEDROOM is decorated with punk posters: The Damned,

The Germs, the Stooges, Television, Richard Hell, etc. She

picks up a hamburger-shaped phone to call her best friend,

LEAH.

INT. LEAH'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

LEAH's room is cluttered with the sentimental junk that

certain girls love to hoard. The PHONE rings.

LEAH:

(answering phone)

Yo-yo-yiggity-yo.

JUNO:

I am a suicide risk.

LEAH:

Is this Juno?

JUNO:

No it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones

that need collecting?

LEAH:

Only the one in my pants.

JUNO:

(in low tones)

Dude, I'm pregnant.

LEAH:

Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you

have a big lunch?

JUNO:

It's not a food baby. I took three

pregnancy tests today. I am definitely

up the spout.

LEAH:

How did you even generate enough pee

for three pregnancy tests?

JUNO:

I drank like ten tons of Sunny

Delight. Anyway, yeah. I'm pregnant.

And you're shockingly cavalier.

LEAH:

Is this for real? Like for real, for

real?

JUNO:

Unfortunately, yes.

LEAH:

Oh my God! Oh sh*t! Phuket Thailand!

JUNO:

That's the kind of emotion I was

looking for in the first take.

LEAH:

Well, are you going to go to

Havenbrooke or Women Now for the

abortion? You need a note from your

parents for Havenbrooke.

JUNO:

I know. Women Now, I guess. The

commercial says they help women now.

LEAH:

Want me to call for you? I called

for Becky last year.

JUNO:

Eh, I'll call them myself. But I do

need your help with something very

urgent.

EXT. CENTENNIAL LANE - NIGHT

Leah and Juno struggle to drag a recliner across a well

manicured suburban lawn. They make a formidable team.

LEAH:

Heavy lifting can only help you at

this point.

JUNO:

That is sick, man.

Leah busts a gut laughing. It's a stunningly accurate

portrayal of Bleeker's parents.

LEAH:

So, you were bored? Is that how this

blessed miracle came to be?

JUNO:

Nah, it was a premeditated act. The

sex, I mean, not getting pregnant.

LEAH:

When did you decide you were going

to do Bleeker?

JUNO:

Like, a year ago, in Spanish class.

INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - SPANISH CLASS - DAY - (FLASHBACK)

Bleeker and Juno are sitting at their desks, listening to a

teacher lecturing about spanish. Bleeker discreetly pushes a

POSTCARD to Juno with his foot. She picks it up off the floor,

reads it, then looks at Bleeker, who is watching the teacher

obediently.

EXT. CENTENNIAL LANE - NIGHT

LEAH:

Aha! You love him.

JUNO:

It's extremely complicated, and I'd

rather not talk about it in my fragile

state.

She hefts a coffee table with her bare hands. She's wearing

her father's LIFTING BELT.

LEAH:

So, what was it like humping Bleeker's

bony bod?

JUNO:

It was magnificent, man!

INT. BLEEKER'S BEDROOM - MORNING

CU of Bleeker putting on double socks in his Car-Bed.

CU of Bleeker putting on his sweat bands.

CU of Bleeker applying Runner's Glide.

INT. KITCHEN - BLEEKER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

CU of a CROISSANT POCKET warming in the microwave.

EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - MORNING

PAUL BLEEKER steps onto the front porch of his house for

early morning track practice. He wears a cross country uniform

that reads "DANCING ELK CONDORS." He is eating some kind of

microwaved snack gimmick.

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