Jury Duty Page #5

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from Abraham Lincoln,

our beloved third president.

Boy, I'm gonna kill you!

No!

Gonna kill you!

Beat's said

that I'm no good

But I don't need you

to hold my hand

(SCREAMING)

Or take me to

your promised land

People try to tell me

How to live my life

I just want

a chance to shout

What it's all about

Double fantasy

Come on and check it out

All right

(GRUNTING)

Yeah

(ALL LAUGHING)

I went to

your promised land

Just one look

is all I get

I can't find mine anywhere

So don't you

try to tell me

How to live my life

I just want

a chance to shout

What it's all about

Double fantasy

Come on and

check it out

(ALL CHATTERING)

ALL:
Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

(SCREAMING)

I say we request an alternate

and report this slimebucket

to the Judge.

(SCREAMING)

This is like being stuck

on an island with Gilligan!

Oh, wait!

It's worse,

it's real life.

Ow, aah! My ear!

Stop killing time

and start killing killers!

Aah!

In my country,

they would've shot

this Bishop on day one.

Here, you people

play games.

Aah!

Maybe I don't like

this country so much.

(CHOKING)

Listen, we're all making

a tremendous sacrifice, okay?

Ahh!

But I don't want

to send this guy

to the chair

without at least

considering all

the facts.

I mean,

I'm willing to forego

a little comfort

in my life so that

justice can be done.

Even if it takes a year.

A year?

My business is

going to ruins!

(YELLING)

She's having the baby!

She's having the baby!

We're right here, Sarah.

Back off.

She needs some air.

Wait, wait, wait, no.

It's a false alarm.

It's okay. It's just

the baby kicking.

Oh, God,

I told you she

was funny. See?

Do you want to feel it?

You can feel it.

Ohh!

Isn't that great?

Oh, wow!

Ohh!

Oh, God!

Don't even

think about it.

What did I do?

Get away.

What did you do?

What did you do?

Yeah.

Everything!

Nothing!

Instead of

this poor woman

being stuck here

stressing out

for the past month,

she should've been in bed

with her feet up! But no.

No, because of you,

we're cooped up

in this closet

away from our families,

our friends, and our jobs

headed into

the 21st century!

Now, I have supported

you from day one,

but now

I have to agree

with everyone else.

If, by tomorrow morning,

you do not walk

in here with your

act pulled together,

I will personally lead

a charge

to the Judge's chambers

and have you thrown out.

(CHATTERING ON TV)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

What's the secret code?

RUSSELL:

"Peanut kicks

Lassie's ass."

Wow!

I was nervous. Thanks.

Here's the research material

you requested, sir.

Serial killer trading cards

and more videos.

"And Justice for All.

Judgment at Nuremberg.

"The Firmest?"

Oh, uh-huh.

Actually,

that's mine, sir.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Oh, I gotta go.

Thanks, Russell.

Got it, Peanut.

(SIGHS)

Hello?

MONICA:
Tommy?

Monica?

Look, I know

it got a little heated

in there this afternoon,

but...

I'm sorry,

I just don't get it.

You haven't made

one valid point,

that in any way casts

the slightest shadow

of doubt

on the defendant's fate.

You've done nothing,

but waste our time.

I can't figure out

why you're not voting guilty

with the rest of us.

...slip through our fingers?

Are you his executioner?

I'm one of...

Are you his executioner?

Perhaps you'd like

to pull the switch?

TOMMY:

Perhaps you'd like

to pull the switch?

I feel sorry for you.

What it must feel

like to...

I feel sorry for you.

What it must feel like

to want to pull the switch.

Ever since you

walked into that room,

you've been acting like

a self-appointed

public avenger.

Personally want it,

not because...

You want to see

this boy die because

you personally want it,

not because of the facts.

You're a...

Duck-billed platypus.

What?

Stop, Peanut!

Get off. Stop it!

(WHIMPERING)

I had no intention

of coming off

like an executioner.

Peanut, this isn't funny.

(WHIMPERING)

I just had no idea

you felt so passionately.

I guess you know

what you're doing.

Stop it!

I'll see you tomorrow?

Oh! Yeah, okay.

I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

Bye.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, wow!

Pull another stunt

like that

and it's back

to the lab for you.

Now what are we gonna do?

(KEY JANGLING)

(DOOR OPENING)

Bishop, you got a visitor.

Your girlfriend's here

to kiss you goodbye.

Purr!

In here.

He'll be right out.

(HISSES)

Thanks, Rusty.

Say hi to Judge Ito.

Growl!

You got five minutes.

Make them count.

(LAUGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(MUTTERING)

(GROANS)

(NERVOUS CHUCKLING)

No, no, no, no,

no, look,

it's not who you think

it is. Look, see?

I like French women.

What about these?

(GRUNTS)

Perfect.

I hate implants.

All right,

what about this?

(SCREAMS)

Get me out of here,

she's a freak!

She's a freak!

She is a wild one.

(CHUCKLES)

No, Carl Bishop.

Don't do it!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Look, it's me, hi!

It's Tommy,

Juror Number 6.

I'm gonna kill you,

funny man!

No, no, no, relax.

Relax. CPW, right?

Listen. Okay,

here's the deal.

All the other jurors,

they think you're guilty.

But me, uh-uh, I think

you're innocent.

You know what?

If I don't change their

minds by the mornin',

they're gonna deep-fry

your ass like chicken.

(FRYING SOUNDS)

Deep-fry the ass

Deep-fry the ass

Shut up!

Oh, quick, come closer,

come closer.

Two-minute warning.

Hi!

I missed you,

Trishina.

I missed you, too,

Carl Wayne Bishop.

Mmm-mmm.

Da, uh,

okay.

What is going on here?

You gotta help me

if I'm gonna help you, too.

Have you tried

reasonable doubt?

That's too difficult.

Reenactment?

Too painful.

What about

giving sperm?

Huh?

Oh!

Come on,

give it to me,

Carl Wayne Bishop!

Oh, ride me! Oh!

Time's up.

(HOOTING)

Oh!

(GRUNTS)

Oh, to be young

and on death row.

Mmm.

Nice hickey.

And so, uh,

do you still

want to sauna?

(YELLING)

TOMMY:

Please, open it,

please, somebody!

What the hell?

Give them two

more minutes.

Yeah, why not?

Open, ah,

ooh...

Ah, what a night,

what a night!

Hey, everybody.

Hi!

Oh, Skeets,

would you show me

a picture of your girlfriend?

I just want to

look at her for a sec.

(SIGHING)

Oh!

Yep, this is her.

You know, she looks

a lot different

with her clothes on.

She is a panther

in the sack.

Mmm.

(NEIGHS)

I'm gonna kill you!

(YELLING)

(SHOUTING ANGRILY)

Hey! What the hell

is going on here?

Thank God

you're here, Murph.

Private Skeets is a madman.

(COUGHS)

He says

he wants to kill me.

Is that so?

Of course not.

I was just kidding.

(COUGHING)

I'm just a little frustrated,

that's all.

TOMMY:
Just like

Carl Wayne Bishop.

Oh, Murph,

while you're here,

arrest this guy.

For what?

He actually killed

for these.

Whoa, stay right there,

Murph, all right?

It's an expression.

I say it

all the time, okay?

It doesn't mean anything.

How do we know

Carl Wayne Bishop

actually meant

what he said?

How do we know

it wasn't an expression?

Morons.

But Carl Wayne Bishop

fits the profile

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